Waiting untill marriage?

[bobby_bush_eater]

I'm curious what you guys think about waiting until marriage (especially girls). I am not a virgin but ultimately I am done with just fun and f******.

I really want the next girl I'm with to be my wife. I think waiting until marriage can be a great way to actually like and enjoy the person you're with. I won't be putting up with x, y, and z for sex. I will have to like them to spend time with them and align with them goals/future wise or else it won't go anywhere.

I'm starting to realize they always wanted marriage to be this way for a reason, especially in today's climate. What are y'all's thoughts?

[RespectfulGuy]

Perhaps I'm fortunate.

I was a virgin and waited until marriage with my then girlfriend now wife.

We had lots of sex after marriage but she only restrict to missionary and with lights off.

It was until months later that lights was on and more positions were added. No doggy until after 1st anniversary and no oral until 18 months.

Looking back, there were frustrations as I was the sexually dominant one.

But somehow, things changed and eventually, we did all kinds of sex married couples did.

Worth the while waiting? I think yes. 27 years past and counting.

Hence go ahead and wait if that's your choice. Make the marriage work. Sex will work alongside.

[aceleon]

if you actually find a girl that feels like you and kept her virginity even if you didn't you are lucky in your own way.

if not you are setting yourself for getting cheated on or taken advantage.

i don't wanna share my real opinion and ruin your mood or dreams or feelings just what you do is not really looking smart for me.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I mean I'm not a virgin so I'm not looking for one either. I mean to have a relationship built on future goals and actually liking each other.

I have been with a lot of girls and blown by red flags because of sex. Most of my friends have done the same. I think it definitely clouds emotion and real connection for the pleasure you get from sex.

Your anecdote sounds unfortunate but we're both young...

[aceleon]

i have nothing unfortunate dude, i had sex with girls to an have no intention of finding someone to date or marry and even if i did i would never wait for marriage even if she wanted to i would try everything i could to seduce her into it cuz sex is the spine of relationship, without it it is bound to collapse.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Then I don't know why you're saying I don't wanna share my real opinion lol. The point of this is to be open and real.

Morals in the West are at an all time low and trying to seduce a girl for your I instant gratification gets you what in the long run? I've literally been to war and came back and had all my fun in college and it was all a meaningless waste of time and relationships.

Sex is not the spine of a relationship, actually liking the person and having values, morals, and goals is far more important and far more rare. Sex is a byproduct of all that. Stop watching Red pill Bros

[aceleon]

if you are gonna go and talk about red pill is bad bro i have nothing else to hear from you, iam not a red piller but i absolutly am disgusted by blue pillers.
also i don't have sex for it is meaningful or such thing (even though sex itself is meaningful in the way i want it it to be) i don't search meaning in something i enjoy, i am just enjoying it, there are hot chicks, they are flasingme green lights volla, sex, also what else was there to gain from the girl aside from the instant gratification? love? yuck, no thanks, no need for that not that i even believe such a thing and even if i believed in, i don't need it or want it, love is for your family and friends, you don't get attached to your food, you just eat and move on and yes this is precisely how i see girls, a meal, something to sate a biological need and no need to eat the same food over and over again every day for the rest of your life and worse risk it carrying it around so it can get stolen from you someday or watch it rot, there is genuinely nothing aside from sex i want from a woman that is not my relative or something they can give it to me that i can't get from elsewhere much more easily, kids, someone to do the chores, company that i share a bond with, cheesy moments of romance, none of it is something i can't get elsewhere much more easily.
so why waste and give up everything i have and everything i could have for only 1 girl? pointless and counter-productive.
in short:
relationship: too little reward for too much effort and responsibility that possesses your life and too much to risk or lose at the end
just sex: effort and reward is both good, no responsibility, no risk aside from some underhanded shits, nothing to lose.
also what goal? and even if there was some goals where does a girl has a place in it?

[aceleon]

in much more short
relationships are losing everything for nothing worth it.

[Anonymous]

first of all, your name on here is hilarious. secondly, don't expect her to be a virgin also. beggars can't be choosers. otherwise, do what you want, it's your choice. guys are the ones with the problem when it comes to marriage. i don't know any girl that doesn't want to get married.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Made the name awhile ago and can't change it lol. That's a good point and I don't expect the girl to be a virgin, that'd be extremely hypocritical and limiting.

I am aware it's mostly guys who say they gain nothing from marriage, it's stupid, they lose half their money blah blah blah. I do not prescribe to that line of thinking but properly vetting your partner and their values/goals is important for marriage and children which is ultimately my goal.

[laly520]

I am waiting until marriage n so is my boyfriend
so far it was best decision we ever made thus saving ourselves to each other only

[StarsInTheEyes]

I feel that no sex until marriage for a couple would be feasible only if people have relationships that are like fairytales, met their partners when they're young and having been with them for many years.

I don't see people in their 30's looking for their second or third relationship being their last one before marriage, would still be virgins and partners would be virgins as well.

I feel that the more realistic way for some people would be no sex until relationship is established and commitment is present.

[Anonymous]

I feel that it'd be more feasible to wait for sex until a relationship has been established, where both people agree to be in a long-term and monogamous relationship, maturely ready and willing to make commitment, intentions are clear, etc.

I don't think no sex until marriage is feasible for a lot of people, but I don't know. I could be wrong. I just feel that even the right people would go away if relationships are going well but there's no sex for years, unless people get into a relationship a month after dating and marry 5 months after being in a relationship.

I've heard of people who are single and haven't had sex for a few years, but I don't know if people in relationships would really wait years while seeing each other and having sexual tension around.

[bobby_bush_eater]

That's a good view too. I more so intend to marry in 1-2 years of dating but intentions and goals will be laid out immediately. I do not intend to waste time in a relationship predicated on sex or a situationship again.

I am also a little religious and I think resisting the sexual tension until marriage represents a mutual ability and commitment to resist temptation. I know that's not exactly a popular view outside of Christianity

My main point is things like sex on the first date or frequent recurring sex before marriage is setting people up for bad long term relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay, I thought you were promoting no sex until marriage.

I did not mention anything about sex on first date. I said that I think no sex until a committed relationship is more feasible, but if you could find someone whom you like in terms of attraction, personality, connection, and who likes and takes you for who you are, willing to make a relationship work, and completely fine with no sex until marriage, then good for you.

I'm just saying I don't know if realistically you could find a partner who also believes in and upholds no sex until marriage, but of course, if you could, that's good.

[Opinion Owner]

And I'm not trying to convince you or change what you believe in and what you value or uphold. I was just giving my humble opinions. You do you.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I completely respect your opinion. Honestly where I live is mostly Catholic and I'm not looking for a virgin (as I said in the OP I'm far from one) just someone with a reasonable past who wants to be a stay at home mother and would be open to homeschooling. I don't think that's incredibly unreasonable.

This is why I intend to be very upfront with my intentions. Money is not really an issue for me, I made some lucky choices when I was 18-19 and have been extremely frugal since. I am looking for someone whose morals and goals align with mine above all, no sex is essentially a mutual test and it's supposed to be the expectation in Catholicism. I grew up in the USA which no longer upholds these values but where I live they do much more so, I don't think it's unrealistic

[Opinion Owner]

If you don't mind me asking, where do you live now? 🤔

[bobby_bush_eater]

I'm from the US but I'm a dual citizen in a Western European country where I'm currently living. It's traditionally Catholic and it's still taken seriously where I am

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I was thinking of how it is here in the U. S. when I was answering this question, that's why I said it's not feasible, but it could be feasible to not have sex until marriage there where you live.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I still don't think it's entirely not feasible in the US but it's definitely more difficult. Especially in cities

[Opinion Owner]

How does living in the cities affect that?

I don't think living situation matters. I think it's a matter of individuals' standards and values.

I don't believe that people in their 30's will be in relationships for years without sex, until marriage.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Cities in the US almost all have higher rates of casual sex, both genders are less likely to want children, women are less likely to want to be a stay at home mother since they likely have been working to get what they already have, lesser percentages of young practicing Christians/Catholics per capita...

I could go on but population dense centers are more prone to degenerate sexual behaviors especially in non religious areas which the US is becoming more and more. Women are becoming more masculine in cities more than anywhere else as well and they do not want what I want.

[Dnice1]

From my experience I do believe waiting is definitely a good idea. I'm thinking of waiting myself given the past I've had. I feel like it's a very wise decision to wait.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It's never too late in my opinion to want something better for yourself despite whatever social media tells us. I think it's a far better way to set up a relationship for success. Part of it for me has been getting back to religion since I've felt so unfulfilled despite being "successful".

It'll discourage a lot of people but that's probably good. It's definitely not an easy thing to do but given my past I would've never been in certain situations I put myself if we weren't having sex lol.

[Dnice1]

I hear you on that. Looking back I wish I had waited. I think it's healthier for the relationship to wait. It'll definitely feel better to wait in the end.

[Lara_Croft]

God i Love, John 3 vs 16. Repent and believe in the Gospel first and God will guide you through his Holy Spirit throughout the process, trusting the lord with all your heart Proverbs 3 vs 5-6 can radically change a man's paradigm and life

[BCRanger10]

I am very much in favor of waiting until marriage to have sex.

[Nikki1989]

If you want to take that risk, knock yourself out.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Could you elaborate on what risk I'm taking? I think it's the opposite of a risk...

[RebelinSteel]

Your life your choice, just remember when you find out she does not like sex or only once a month on a Sunday…

[bobby_bush_eater]

Sounds like an incredibly odd scenario lol. I assume you're not talking from experience just from things you've heard

[RebelinSteel]

Not from personal experience but it’s common with arranged marriages and among some catholic families. People get married and find they have zero sexual compatibility or a limited one. I’ve dated girls that are great but we never really felt it in the bedroom, nothing wrong with either of us but not 100%, they were a bit too vanilla.

[LazerBean]

You're right, it's a very good way to do things.