You want an expensive wedding but your partner doesn't. How would you handle that discussion?

[Anonymous]

How would you settle this? Is this about your partner's happiness and giving in to that, obligation to tradition in your family, or compromise?

I hear this all the time that one person wants the expensive wedding and the other wants to know why they just can't roll down to the courthouse and call it a day. For hypothetical sake, let's assume that you and your partner could afford it and money was NOT the issue, whose wishes do you honor? Also keep in mind, it's not always women who want the big wedding. Guys can have big families and friend groups, wedding traditions, multi-day cultural ceremonies that they or their family want too!

by the way: not about me, I have no plans to marry, just bored and asking a question.

[ohsheeT]

Well it's a start of a brand new partnership and if it's your very first wedding. You would think that he would compromise and allow you to do what you want to do.. most guys don't want to be to do a big wedding

But then that's when they have to think of somebody besides themselves and go all out and do the things that you don't want to do or that you would feel better not doing it's not all about him he should be trying to make you happy. I take that back.. should be making you happy..

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t be a discussion because I wouldn’t be in that situation with someone. Them and I would know each other far better than this! I’ve been to a wedding where it was a bonfire with a potluck feast. Everyone brought their own fork and place and there was a wash bin at the end of each table. Another wedding I’ve been to was very formal and felt like an institutional gathering.. both are very unique and two people should agree on their preferences in these things before even getting to it.
I’m not city, so I rather non fire and feasting on deer and elk and salmon versus a don’t move don’t talk don’t make a mess two bit five course meals.

[Nikki1989]

If you can't even be on the same page for the wedding, it doesn't look promising for the future. It might be time to rethink everything.

[OlderAndWiser]

How important is it to each partner, and why? Is there an "in the middle" position? Planning a wedding is a
"sneak peak" at how it will be to work together as a married couple, and this conflict deserves much attention to the solution is acceptable to both partners.

[ChiTown33]

This is tough to answer. Because I'm single, not even dating. And I'd have to know who I was engaged to know how I'd approach this. But I suppose I'd have to hear her reasoning behind it. I mean I get weddings ideally are a one time event. And so logic can, does, and understandably should get suspended about some things. But then there is the other side. A bigger, more expensive wedding does not make you love eachother any more.

I consider myself pretty thrifty. But I have no quads about dropping coin on something that I really believe is worth it. Especially when you know you're only doing this once and it's about the memory you'll share for years to come.

[saraupstairs]

Find a judge and tell him/her to sign the wedding license or you'll pay someone else to sign it. They will sign it. Then use your coin to go somewhere special. You can do the chicken dance later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sMk5w_TtIg

[ChiTown33]

@saraupstairs partnerships are about compromise and understandings. If you're not down with that then you shouldn't even be contemplating marriage. But I do agree. Everyone both man and woman should have thier deal breakers.

[saraupstairs]

That's just my opinion about wasting money on marriage, when you can spend it elsewhere.

[ChiTown33]

@saraupstairs I understand. I agree, weddings are mostly for show.

[D_Bone_Steak]

What is the point? If you plan on just getting married for legal reasons then go into the courthouse and sign the papers. Big expensive wedding bullshit can't be sold to me... no reason for it.

I'm not even going to mention how much more pointless it is for the male side of things.

[strateguy632]

If you want big fancy, then offer to pay for everything. Also reassure your partner that no debt, that you can afford without debt.

If you will get debt, then rely on him to have a tiny one to avoid and prevent debt.

If i wanted big and wanted her to pay half, that is like take advantage, i would never ask that.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

I payed for everything but our venue ans photographer by myself because that's the deal we made so I was able to buy whatever I wanted and spend whatever I wanted with my money so that's how me and my husband did it and our wedding cost $20,000

[Anonymous]

The one that wants it to be expensive gets to pay for it. That's the best way to handle the conversation. This is a good lateral into home life where if one has a special requirement (like the dishes being done a certain way, or the yard work to be done a certain way) then they are volunteering themselves to be fully responsible for it.

[art84]

If I wanted to get married at the court house and my girlfriend wanted a big wedding then I would go for her idea. That's on her family to pay for the wedding dress, cake, cathering and renting the place. I would pay for the justice of the peace at the least.

[Anonymous]

Let's be honest here, what we're talking about is her wanting an expensive wedding and he doesn't.

Personally I would say if they (or their family) can afford it, he should give in and let her have the wedding she wants. If they can't afford it and have to go into debt, then he should prevail.

[HighValue]

If she wants an expensive wedding, she can pay for it without gaining any debt or the answer is no to the wedding and no to the relationship too.

[Gwendoline]

I made an agreement to move to America with him if I had a baby early on after the wedding and I got my dream wedding.

[FoxnEagle]

As for myself, if she can't make something special without making it expensive, then I wouldn't be marrying her in the first place.

[HelpfulWoman]

Compromising on certain aspects. otherwise break up frankly.

[DrPepper12]

In NYC and region wedding starts at $50K and only goes up from there. It's a huge waste of money. spend it on the honeymoon!!

[jahaims]

That is why you make sure you have the same values prior to even dating.

[Anonymous]

Depends who is paying I guess but if it’s not affordable for the other then maybe they need to elope

[MrJMM]

By talking like an average couple should. 😑

[Crazzyyworld]

get divorce