Why did marriages last longer 40-70 years ago?

[jennifer_bloom]

My mom said when she worked in an office building 50 years ago, the building had 5,000 employees and only 1 person in the building was divorced. Now over 40% of first time marriages end in divorce. It’s only been 50 years and these changes have happened.

[Sangita93]

Marriages in traditional Indian communities often last lifetime due to strong family involvement, focusing on community / family goals over individual romance, lower initial expectations, emphasis on financial stability, and cultural pressures to uphold family honour. This maks divorce difficult and viewing marriage as a lifelong, collective commitment rather than just a personal choice. Marriage is considered as a relationship lasting soe seven birth cycles, and every time it is renewed again and again. It includes shared values, family support social networks, clear discussions on expectations before marriage, and a focus on practical compatibility rather than just lust and sexual aspects. Marriage is seen as a union of two families, with relatives and community providing a strong support system. Families usually examine compatibility based on financial security and employment, creating a stable foundation. Once if it is decided, strong commitment to each other and the family is driven by cultural and religious beliefs. Most of the things are taken care during the matchmaking process itself, often ensured better alignment in traditions, values, and backgrounds, setting a stronger groundwork. These traditional elements are still prevalent in most part of India.

[imjustagirl15]

because back then women were nothing without their husbands because they couldnt make money for themselves and werent even allowed a personal credit card. they would never survive without a husband, now they can, so they stand up to bad behaviour before its too late.

[Snowman84]

Exactly women had little choice to leave even if unspeakable behaviour was committed, plus they had few options for employment if they left a bad marriage.

[Wraith_Cemetery]

The fact that they couldn't make money is a myth. During WW1 for example many women made money knitting socks and things like that. My grandmother in the 30s made money baking bread. My great grandmother in the 1850s owned an Inn. I wish people would stop spreading that myth.

[egan3141]

@Wraith_Cemetery Exactly. Women either DID make money, or CHOSE to do "work" that didn't get paid for (taking care of the home and family)

[RichardCranium6201]

Because society itself has also changed. 50 years ago people didn't have friends with benefits. They never even heard of such things. You have to understand back then, there weren't as many people as there are now. They didn't have cellphones or internet peeking their interest. But I think most importantly, because they were raised right. They were told to find someone, marry, work out ur troubles, etc... now a days, people marry with the thought of if it doesn't work out fk trying to fix it, go find someone else. They are to lazy or scared to face their problems and always look for the easy button. Which is selfish. I think.

[Snowman84]

It had nothing to do with God, morality or anything like that. Women were forced into marriage and to stay married to men come what may. It was shame and cohesion that was presented as morality.

[AviatorTom]

Divorce laws changed. 50 years ago it was difficult to get a divorce. One had to prove mental cruelty or physical harm.

Then no-fault divorce laws were passed.

[AMS700CX4u2]

A very good question. I am 74 years old and have been married to the same woman for 53 of those years. We are best friends and never go anywhere without the other. I help her with her projects because I understand that success is something built of small accomplishments that stack up and help anyone feel accepted and capable of social acceptance. We have had arguments but we resolve them through before bed time. When she wants something , she relies on me to provide and vice a versa. That goes from house remodels to guitars and banjos. We are team players and don't think of ourselves as individuals. Both of of us have physical challenges. So, we are very tolerant of peoples short comings. Dedication to each other instead of self. This is a concept that somehow is destroyed through affluence.

[MikeMcMansion]

Values like humility, modesty, chastity, spirituality, and their careful upbringings led by both parental figures of father and mother were all in full practice and refined. Family court laws though still bad when this picture was taken, were less enforced to say the least and as you mentioned were not needed as often due to the marriages staying intact more often, however divorce laws were also enticing women and when the 2nd wave of feminism was leading into third divorces skyrocketed.

Social media killed it

[egan3141]

Laziness and a lack of honor. Back then, when you made a promise, it actually meant something. When someone went against their promise, it meant A LOT. You would lose basically all honor in society for doing so. Now, going against promises is normal and means nothing. Honor doesn't really matter now. The laziness part that other long comment kind of covered already.

[Snowman84]

Even if a husband was cheating, hitting his wife or sexually abusing the children. For better or worse right?

[egan3141]

Someone that garbage shows signs. Maybe the wife should have waited and looked for those signs before making a promise

[egan3141]

Oh, that was an or. For cheating, 100%. You can't just say "the person did something bad, I quit". You make a promise, you have to actually try. Try to get through it. If the person is scum, well, you shouldn't have married in the first place before figuring this out, but now you have a true reason for divorcing. Abuse is worse but another thing where you TRY, not just get depressed until you give up

[imjustagirl15]

typical male🥱

[egan3141]

Typical female...

[imjustagirl15]

i feel like its common sense to know why women didn't divorce men back in the 40s - 70s. think about it.. when did women start to get equal to men…?🤔

[egan3141]

I feel like it's common sense to know that people actually tried to resolve issues back then and that they don't today

[imjustagirl15]

they do tho💀 women were shamed for wanting a divorce back then, men also abused them by the way.

[egan3141]

"they do tho" which statement is this referring to? Both sides were shamed for wanting divorce back then. Both sides abused back then. While less common of the shame for divorce, both those are true today too

[imjustagirl15]

i meant it as a, they do still resolve their problems today.
is this a joke or smth? men abused women way more than women abused them bffr. and as i said, the woman would have nothing if she left him, where would she live? how would she get money?
yeah i agree those things still happen today

[egan3141]

Some do. Most don't even try. (to resolve problems)
I never said men didn't do it more. I only said both sides did it.
Welcome to being born a woman. Your job was to find a good man. If you failed your job, you would have to hope your family will supported you. If you had a shitty or no family and made a shitty choice for marriage, then I guess you are stuck with a shitty life. Kind of like how a man would be in the same boat if you failed his job. There is also nothing saying that a woman can't develop the skills to do a job herself. Even in the OLD old days, women could still learn to sew or something else and make things, and then when her husband turned out to be scum, she could leave and use her skills to continue making and selling things. And now days, it's even easier for a woman to support herself. Wait, what were we talking about again?

[imjustagirl15]

true.
i doubt a lot of women abused their only source of income and stability…

yeah many women got stuck with an awful marriage bc they had to get married fast to have kids at 20 years old.
yeah ofc they could get jobs, but we both know it would never be in their favor. they were treated awful, paid less, let go for any tiny mistake and just simply treated unfairly bc men thought women couldnt do such stuff.

[egan3141]

(abuse) You'd be surprised how often it's true. Not saying it's anywhere near 50%. Probably not even near 20%, but even 5% would be quite a lot.
Same happens for men. Just because a man is married doesn't mean he's happy.
You know you don't have to have an employer right? Sew some hats, scarfs, or other clothing and sell it to outside your home. Buying small items like that from individuals instead of businesses was VERY common in the old old days. The large stores of today didn't exist more than...100? 150? years ago

[imjustagirl15]

right.
you think anyone could survive off of selling hats for a living? especially a woman?

[egan3141]

Only hats, no. Clothing in general. Yes. I'm not saying it would be a good life, but the woman already lost her chance at a good life when she choose a bad man. Life sucks, you don't get do-overs just because you made a mistake.
Plenty of men (and women) pursue a degree thinking they will make good money, go into debt, then get a degree that numerous other people got, and now they have debt and can't get a job because there are too many people applying for that industry and now have to go to some low paying job because they don't have skills for anything but the field they can't get a job in. Life sucks. Only thing you can do is be extra careful and do what you can to be prepared for it.
Also, to flip this argument around, there are also a lot of men that think they found a good woman, and then a few years after marriage, the woman divorces the man, keeps the children, and lives off his money despite leaving him thanks to child support. There are quite a few women that basically make divorcing men with money their job

[imjustagirl15]

not really choosing when she has to get with the first guy she sees or she will be shamed for life and never get one.
ur such a typical male.
then dont marry a bad woman then? i dont see the problem? you should’ve seen the signs

[egan3141]

I didn't marry a bad woman and the man should have seen the signs. I am still not married because I can't find a good woman. I'm not gonna marry some random woman just because "I want to be married" or "I don't want to be alone"
And you are such a typical woman

[imjustagirl15]

ok👍 yeah its womens fault ofcourse… it could never be the mans…
men vs accountability
who will win?
how am i a typical woman?🥱

[egan3141]

I literally just blamed the men...

[imjustagirl15]

im talking about you never finding a woman🤦‍♀️

[egan3141]

Oh, that wasn't remotely clear...
As for why I can't find a woman, the majority of the blame is me not looking until I was past the best time to look. Also, it's not that I can't find a good woman, it's that I can't find a good SINGLE woman that is near my age AND that is also interesting in dating. The very few women I have come across that have met this criteria either just got out of a relationship and don't want to deal with dating for a while, or just moved states and again, they don't want to deal with dating right now. Wait, why am I explaining this to you?

[imjustagirl15]

we both know your personality is the problem. no woman wants a man like you.

[egan3141]

Funny, that's not my experience. If I was willing to consider someone that old, I know at least 3 women I could go date right now, but I no matter how great they are, I still don't want a woman 8+ years older than me. Not even sure how I feel about 4+ years older than me.
Let's say for the sake of argument, you are correct though. That means they are DOING THE RIGHT THING by not just settling for a man with a personality they don't like. That's what is SUPPOSE to happen. Both parties are suppose to fall in love with each other. That way there is reason to promise your lives to each other

[imjustagirl15]

who said anything about u getting with an older woman?

[egan3141]

Uh... I did...
You said no women wants a man like me. I know older women that do. Therefore your statement is false

[imjustagirl15]

right… we’ll say so…

[egan3141]

Am I suppose to care if you believe me or not?

[imjustagirl15]

i do believe u, dont worry…

[egan3141]

Okay?

[egan3141]

wtf, that is not what I just typed. Do the sometimes edit messages? If it is still just a? after okay, then yes they do...
Okay?

[imjustagirl15]

uh what?

[egan3141]

I put... between okay and the? mark. They removed the dots. That means gag is checking what we sent before sending it and has some kind of criteria to decide whether to remove certain things or not.

[imjustagirl15]

okay?

[egan3141]

You're the one that killed the conversation. I noticed gag doing something weird, so I pointed it out.

[imjustagirl15]

i dont know what you want me to do about that

[egan3141]

About gag? Nothing, I'm just letting anyone that happens to read my comment know that it is a thing. About the killed conversation, I'm just pointing out that you are the one that ruined it in hopes that somehow affects you and the actions you take in the future. I'm sure it won't, but there is always a chance.

[imjustagirl15]

what actions would affect me in the future by ending a conversation?

[purplepoppy]

Because back in the day if your husband beat the crap out of you there was nothing you could do about it. Women were essentially 2nd class citizens and effectively the husband's property.

Women were made to feel ashamed for not having a husband or worse still not being able to keep one. Should a woman try to escape an abusive husband then counsellors would push her back to him with the explanation any husband is better than no husband.

A woman's role was to shut up, make sandwiches, and spread her legs when he clicked his fingers. These days Women expect better from men and if they try any of this shit then the courts are no longer deaf.

[Subgurl]

Marriages lasted longer 70 years ago due to
significant financial, social, and legal barriers to divorce, especially for women who often lacked economic independence, coupled with strong societal pressure, stigma against divorce, and different expectations focused on duty and stability rather than personal fulfillment, leading couples to work harder to resolve issues.

[Xawyx-2]

Because people back then were more traditional and old-fashioned.

[chickychickyparmparm]

Because people used to not be selfish narcissists.

[HaveNoName]

Because society was not as pathetic as it is today.

[Martha1102]

Social Media even when affair might of been easier to hide.

[exitseven]

people had lower expectations.

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Perhaps, People were MORE caring.

[Snowman84]

People are people, I don’t buy into the “Good ol days” bullshit. Men in the 50’s hit their wives, had affairs and sexually abused their children at about the same rate as today. Women had few options but to stay with an abusive partner.