I'm 22 (f) and not religious. I'm virgin because I wanted to have it with someone I'm truly in love with and I have never been in love yet. But now I think of waiting until marriage because of some reasons such as, 1-terribly afraid of pregnancy 2-for the sake of my future marriage 3-for my own mental health and to not get my emotions corrupted But I feel like no guy will be okay with that. Am I being delusional for wanting to wait?
Is wanting to wait until marriage is delusional now?
No, it's not delusional whatsoever. I mean , this is your choice , and it should be respected
And for all the reasons that you mentioned , I mean , I agree
I\nAlso, have to add that you are way stronger than me. Because I personally\nI'm not gonna say couldn't do it , but I wouldn't want to
And the only reason why I say that is because romance and sensual touch and giving, and that bond of becoming one is so beautiful I did not know what that is all about. Then maybe but
From the day that I lost my virginity, I've been on a quest\n To understand a lot of things, and it was because of the way that I lost my virginity and the person I lost it with that allowed me to have it 3 more times with her is reason why I became on this quest. Becoming one, so I do understand what you're saying, and I believe in what you're saying.\nI mean there's
Something.\n That I have done before when I dated a girl. That was like you and wanted to wait but then changed her mind.
And wanted me to be that guy and I said, no.\n I said you have to wait, you've committed this long. I told her we could do this, and I explained it to her. I said that no penetration, and we did it for about 4 months, but then we broke up and a month later, she was pregnant from some guy because she wanted to have kids. And she didn't want to wait until marriage, which I don't understand why she changed her mind. But, anyway, no I believe in everything that you said and everything you're doing, and I say, don't give up, hope, don't\n Sabotage yourself by thinking crazy things. I mean.\nI would love to ask you a bunch of questions , just because i'm curious on things i'm curious of everything , really , but no I believe in what you're doing
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Most Helpful Opinions
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
6 mo
Absolutely not! It always boggles my mind anytime I hear a woman ask this. Because it suggests your body is the ONLY thing of real value to a guy which is absurd. Sex only makes up about 5% of a relationship in the long run (yes I understand it's more prolific when you're younger😂). But there is separation between affection and sex. You can half a relationship that's 1/3 affection and still only 5% sex. Do you see the difference? I'm a guy, I've been a young guy, and I'm just as interested in having sex with the woman I love. But if I'm having to badger her into it how is that fun for either of us? I want her to want it as well and so should the guy you're with. Which means he should respect it when you say, "NO".
If you take nothing else away from this post take this, A guy who LOVES and RESPECTS YOU WILL WAIT till you're ready. No if ands or buts about it. He WILL WAIT. So long as you show him you're committed to him and aren't going anywhere. Because no guy wants to be a chump who waited for a woman that just played him and eventually runs off with another guy.
So stop worrying about sex and focus more on being you, caring about him being satisfied emotionally with you, and being committed to the relationship. If he's the RIGHT guy he WILL stick around. If he doesn't then he did you a favor. That I promise you.
Depends on who, but I don't think its going to be easy to find a guy who is going to risk his future without knowing if your even sexually compatible to begin with. Marriage puts all the cards in your hands and is a massive risk on the guy, many of us don't even wanna do it unless there is a good reason to. Just staying together permanently is such a better route.
So for that reason I think waiting until marriage is a bad idea and out of date, unless your certain your guy is open to marrying of course. But many good men in our generation won't be willing to do it because they fear the courts. What makes more sense to me is holding off until your certain your truly compatible or holding off until after the infatuation period. That I am totally fine with. But what I am not fine with is being sexually exclusive without sexual things happening in the relationship, there will need to be something in return. Even if its just mutual masturbation or oral.
No, it is not, despite what many others today may claim. In fact, I will soon be re-workind an OLD article I posted here in 2012. There are many reasons (including non-religious) why you should wait, beyond what you listed here, or expanding thereon.
The short of it is that sex has an objective purpose to it, which is to generate children. Yes, part of it also is to be intimate with and fully love your spouse, but even that is directed towards the former end. Marriage is how children are generated, but also morally and culturally formed and educated.
There's a lot more to it than that in my article. Keep an eye out for it if you're still here over the next few months.
Oh yeah, and it will be from a largely non-religious.
If you are a virgin, are willing to sign a prenuptial agreement that protects him, you are attractive (no tattoos, no nose ring, no short unnaturally colored hair, not fat), are actually faithful and don't post provocative/revealing pictures online, have good compatible morals, have compatible long term life goals, and agree to a timeline for marriage, then it may be possible, though realistically very unlikely, especially since many men don't want marriage due to so many women using it to abuse and steal from men for generations.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
6 mo
There are tons of guys who want to marry virgins, but that doesn't mean they are virgins themselves. It also sure as shit doesn't mean they view sex the same way you do, even if they tell you they do.
If you want to wait, your odds are better to find a guy with similar interests, but don't get all starry eyed about it and believe whatever they tell you right off the bat, nor should you have great expectations for it. You're going to be nervous as hell and unsure what to do, think or feel when it does happen for the first time, so don't get let down. If you're with the right person, it will get better.
Waiting for marriage to have sex has never been a trending belief around me. Neither marriage in fact. So your beliefs have to look strange and unfamiliar to me, given the circumstances I find you delusional. But maybe you live in a culture where your beliefs are social standards, in that case you can totally be delusional to me and simply normalized where you live.
Now I'm intrigued by one thing, you said fearing corruption of emotions, what do you mean?
First of all there’s nothing stupidly old fashioned about that. But these days it may be harder to find someone like that because of the exact mentality that it’s stupidly old fashioned. A lot of women have that mentality so they’re just giving it out like candy. So men these days are expecting women to give it up since a lot of girls like I said are just handing it out like candy.
It's not delusional, it's unusual. In the US and presumably most developed countries, only about 10% of people marrying are virgins. If you are determined to wait until marriage, it will seriously limit your choice of partners.
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Asker
6 mo
Yeah I know that it's unusual. I live in Europe, it's not any different but marriages are equally damaged and end up in traumatic divorces
No, not at all. You do not necessarily have to wait until you are married but it is much better if it is somebody that you love. It is really not like shaking hands with someone.
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Asker
6 mo
And I don't know why people freak out because I still haven't done it with anyone
okay- I was 22 before I did it. I just met some girl at a party and she invited me back to her dorm room and she asked me if I wanted to have sex with her.. I ended up doing it. It really was not very good and the next day I regretted it.
It is delusional. My husband wanted to wait so he waited, I did not. While dating my husband, I slept with other men including his friends. If he wanted to wait that is his choice not mine.
Nah I'm doing the same at 24 and I'm still at peace with it, you just gotta be hopeful and have faith one day it will happen when it's suppose to happen and you find someone worthy.
Do you want to marry some guy who you're not compatible with in bed and be stuck in the marriage with a terrible sex life? Who wants totally different things than you in bed? Or do you want to marry a guy you are sexually compatible with?
You can marry somebody you love having sex with or you can marry somebody you hate having sex with. Maybe you should find that out before you get married.
It's like living together. You don't know if you can live with somebody until you actually live with them. Marrying somebody you've never lived with is just as stupid.
There's nothing wrong with feeling like you do anc nk need to rush into losing your virginity with some random guy. I believe it can mean so much more to you to gift it to a guy you truly love.
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2 Reply
Asker
6 mo
That's what I also think but haven't met one person who thinks the same
I didn't wait until marriage but I waited until I found the one I was going to marry. My wife and I have only slept with each other so it is possible to find others.
How long do you want to date the guy until you get married?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
4 mo
It’s not delusional and your reasons are valid. My wife and I had the same mindset and intended to wait as well. After we got engaged we decided we trusted each other enough and knew we going to be together.
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