How can I get my husband to respect and support me before baby arrives?

[Anonymous]

As pissed off as I am with my husband right now, I know people online love to jump straight to “leave him” whenever couples argue, but relationships are never that black and white. We’ve been together years, married, and expecting our first baby in July. He isn’t always horrible, but lately I’m really starting to dread postpartum because of the way he handles stress and conflict.

I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant during a 32° UK heatwave and I’m exhausted physically and emotionally. My husband works long days as a gardener and I know he’s tired too, but I feel constantly nagged and rushed. He tells me to “come on” when I physically can’t move quickly anymore, talks over me, and snaps over little things. We recently argued while fishing because he blamed me for distracting him, and I ended up crying alone in the car feeling overwhelmed and unsupported.

Today things got even worse. I struggled out in the heat trying to get medication for him after he felt unwell, only to find the shops shut because of the bank holiday. I came home feeling faint and overheated just to be screamed at and called a “selfish bitch” because he’d tried to walk after me and had to rush home ill himself. I snapped back too, but what hurts most is how quickly he expects everything to be okay again without ever properly apologising.

The hardest part is that although he’s helped with the nursery and comes to scans, he shows barely any interest in the baby otherwise. He’s done no research, asks very little, and I feel like I’m carrying all the emotional and mental load alone. I’m scared once the baby arrives I’ll be expected to manage everything while also recovering myself.

Updates

1 mo

My mans creeping big time now. Bought me a massive industrial size fan from screw fix and says he's gonna do me a bbq tonight so I dont have to cook🤣

Updates

1 mo

he's just called me from work apologising

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"I know people online love to jump straight to “leave him”"

True story!

• He isn’t always horrible
• I ended up crying alone in the car
• called me a “selfish bitch”
• shows barely any interest in the baby otherwise

I don't believe I can get any girl I'm with to support and respect me. I believe it's already ingrained within her and within our relationship and if it is not then I don't expect to change her or the type of relationship mode we implicitly established.

To me, you've established in your marriage that some awful reactions are forgettable and forgivable, and also that it's okay to be supportive at one moment and then to insult the person you love at another moment.

It can be your ways, it can work like that, all couples are different, with different expectations, threshold and such.

I wish you well, for you and your baby 🖖🏼

[MrChinaski]

^^ what this guy said

Maybe your husband will change. Maybe. If he does that will be his choice not yours.

As much as I don't want to say 'leave him', it does seem like the calculation for you right now is what is best for you and the baby in the near term, which may involve staying for a while but ultimately working towards leaving at a time that is best.

[Asker]

Trust me he's not a bad man and I still love him very much.

The next day we went fishing again and he bought me a comfy chair for me to sit in and bought walkie talkies so if I found a fish further down or felt scared I called call him over. He even gave me his coat to stay warm as the night got cooler.

It was just lack of communication and my hormones the first time.

Yesterday was uncalled for and we've made up a little but im still not letting him out to dog house totally and there will be more conversations

[Anonymous]

How do you think he'd react if he we're able to read this question you made?

Because your question comes off ass you're both under stress right now. Most GOOD men want to make their partner happy. He probably is feeling the stress of having to provide for both you. Not saying that gives him a right to yell. But he might not be able to fully appreciate the hormones involved with pregnancy.

[Asker]

I totally agree with what your saying. He is a good man and is a massive provider kind of man, he doesn't stop working and I've told him he needs to calm down on that too.

[Taurus_Woman]

You’re not asking for “perfect behavior” from him, you’re asking for basic respect, emotional support, and shared responsibility, especially at a physically vulnerable time. That’s reasonable.

You’re already thinking ahead correctly: you will need support, not just presence. A partner doesn’t have to be perfect, but he does need to be:

emotionally safe to be around

willing to learn

willing to share responsibility

If that’s missing, it becomes very hard after birth.

[Paige2006]

He sounds like a total jerk! My husband better never... ever call me a selfish bitch!

[jahaims]

You chose a weak man to impregnate you. Now you are dealing with the consequences of your actions

[jimbob70]

The respect is gone because with a precious baby taking more from him
(Greed)

[Bykurs10]

I hope u gonna be happy...

[Asker]

he's seriously not a bad guy. Everyone has there issues and no one is prefect. Most people who know him personally think he's great and he does care for myself and others a lot but you guys don't get to hear about them parts of our relationship.