Is my husband supposed to be submissive to me?

[callmeommi]

We're getting married in a couple weeks and we Clash a lot on topics like these

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the answers , I called it off

[SecretsofKB]

Every relationship is different. They will all have different dynamics that my not follow the "traditional" relationship/marriage.

That is what you get when you have two different personalities. Having your future husband as "submissive" is not a bad thing. Now if he is 100% "submissive" and doesn't even question you or provide any of his own input in the relationship, then that is an issue. Just as it would be an issue if the gender roles were reversed.

At the end of the day, there is no rule book stating who should be the "dominant" or who should be the "submissive" partner in any relationship. In fact, there doesn't even have to be a dominant or submissive.

[snowgirl123]

no, he's not supposed to be submissive to you at all. in fact he's supposed to protect you and provide for you. you're not supposed to be his servant or anything, but no real man likes to obey his life; that's for sure

[callmeommi]

I'm be single forever lmao

[snowgirl123]

LOL you're free life is yours =)

[hahahmm]

I believe in traditional relationships so my answer is: Absolutely not BUT maybe he is not yet the type of man who inspires you to be submissive. See my Mytake Equality in a Relationships & Leadership

I don't even think you should get married if you guys aren't on the same page on this stuff.

[callmeommi]

So you think we shouldn't get married should I call it off

[hahahmm]

No, I don't think you should get married if you disagree on a very basic & important topic like this. That's like you're going on a road trip into the middle of nowhere and you only have enough gas to get there but not enough to get out. You both will be miserable. This type of thing should have been settled before you even got engaged.

[callmeommi]

It was he didn't have a problem submitting to me now everything changed

[hahahmm]

Things are very different when you're married vs. unmarried. He started to realize that, I guess. But he should have thought of it before getting engaged.

[hahahmm]

And would you really respect a husband who just does whatever you say? I doubt it. And that would lead to other issues...

[callmeommi]

Glad it came out now then later , I'll just go find me a man willing to submit to me

[Anonymous]

So from what I gather you're a liberal and he's a conservative

This can only go one way, take it away Tammy

https://youtu.be/912DKxD0H1U

[HighValue]

Why? You want him to be?
And do you mean for making decisions that would affect the relationship and the family, or do you mean just for intimacy/sexual stuff?

[callmeommi]

I want us both to be submissive to each other but he doesn't see it that way

[HighValue]

I don't see how that is possible. Someone has to be in charge more otherwise decisions can't be made. One could be submissive in bed and the other be submissive for decisions, or take turns being submissive for intimacy, but for decisions both can't be submissive. That won't work.

[callmeommi]

But when I tell him I want to be the one and make decisions he won't go for that

[HighValue]

Then you don't want both of you to be submissive. you want to be dominant and want him to be submissive.
It is better to find out now if you guys are compatible or not for long term before getting married. Maybe you should put off marriage and live together for a while first to see if you truly are compatible or not.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Yeshua Cresto en Caelum...

JUST DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT!!!

[Wester1967]

Only if he's kinky. You'll miss his masculine energy once he divorces you for treating him like a second class citizen.

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. No.

Y'all better not get married. Call it off now. You're going to get divorced. I guarantee it.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

This..

[callmeommi]

I think your right , I should let him find someone who is willing to be

[Jamie05rhs]

@callmeommi You mean let yourself find someone who is willing to be?

[callmeommi]

Nah once we break up I'm done dating

[callmeommi]

If he wants a submissive wife he can go find one

[Jamie05rhs]

@callmeommi What makes you think he wants a submissive wife?

[callmeommi]

We keep butting heads on the subject and he's not willing to be a submissive husband

[Jamie05rhs]

@callmeommi. You're flipping the script again. Is it really about him being submissive, or it really about you being submissive? Which is it?

[callmeommi]

I believe both people should submit not just the wife , he knew this but closer we got to the date he flipped the page

[Jamie05rhs]

@callmeommi. Okay, but is that what you really believe? Because it sounded to me like you were really focused on him submitting to you. Like you wanted to have power over him. I can understand not wanting to be subject to his will all the time; I completely agree with you on that point. But I also think you're wrong to want to boss him around. No one should be bossed around. You both should be working together and collaborating and compromising to find the best solution.

[callmeommi]

Yes we should both submit not just me

[Jamie05rhs]

I really, really, really don't think you guys should get married in a couple of weeks. You're not ready. You need to postpone the wedding. Do it now. Get on the phone and make the calls. At least at this moment you have enough time to give people proper notice.

[callmeommi]

Already canceled lol

[Jamie05rhs]

@callmeommi I think you're focusing too much on the word "submit.". I think you're treating like a domination thing. When it doesn't mean that.

"Submitting" in the Bible means laying down your pride and your ego.

[Jamie05rhs]

And okay; good.

[callmeommi]

Okay so why does he have a problem with laying down his pride and ego

[FýrdracaDócincel]

@callmeommi It's impossible to submit to each other, one person will always be on top.

[callmeommi]

I wanted to take turns

[FýrdracaDócincel]

@callmeommi
So in other words you don't want an organic relationship.

[Jamie05rhs]

Sorry, but I disagree with Fyrdraca. I think I'm on your side now, @callmeommi.

[Jamie05rhs]

Fyrdraca, what do you mean by an organic relationship? Because I think that's exactly what she wants. She said she wanted to take turns.

(Sorry I can't tag you, because my keyboard doesn't have those letters.)

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Right.. she wants to take turns. How do you do that organically?

Does she mean simply deferring to the other's judgment when confronted with a situation that's more up said other's alley? That doesn't make the other person more dominant.

[Jamie05rhs]

Fyrdraca I think a lot of people are getting too hung up on the concepts of "dominant" and "submissive.". They're overthinking things.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

And you're underthinking..

[Jamie05rhs]

How so?

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Because you say I'm overthinking while being.. just.. wrong.

Nobody is getting hung up on terms. Dominant is dominant and submissive is submissive.

[Jamie05rhs]

Fyrdraca you're acting like it's a binary thing.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Everything is relative, obviously. But when we're dealing with two people, one will be one thing and the other will be the other. This is basic crap.

[Jamie05rhs]

Not in romantic relationships, though. It's a give and take.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

So? Doesn't mean one person isn't always the dominant one.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Dominant" is a bit of a strong word, though.

[mattissebfan5]

Some guys like a dominant woman in bed I only had sex once but I know I'm submissive type

[ImmortalHanma]

Women like to be dominated he should lay you down spread your legs and piledrive you like a man

[callmeommi]

Yeah I don't

[ImmortalHanma]

Sure you don’t 🙄

[ChiPaPa]

Sounds like both of you want to be the leader. Should've had a V-8

[Guardian45]

Not unless that is your personal dynamic with him. You wouldn't be the first

[Iron_Man]

No you’re supposed to be submissive to him

[callmeommi]

But why can't we both be submissive

[Iron_Man]

That’s not how it works please

[callmeommi]

But why am I asking you some missing why can't he be

[callmeommi]

* but why am I asked to be submissive why can't he be

[Iron_Man]

Women are supposed to be submissive to the man

[callmeommi]

You didn't answer my question why is the woman supposed to be submissive

[Iron_Man]

It’s written in the Bible

[callmeommi]

Okay what if I don't believe in that then what

[Iron_Man]

Then you are a lost soul and I hope there’s not the case

[Iron_Man]

Not…

[bamesjond0069]

No lol. You know you're supposed to submit to him.

[callmeommi]

When we first brought up marriage I said husband and wife should both be submissive to each other and everything was fine , now it's a problem

[WowwGirl]

No dear the man should act like a man/husband. You might as well be with anouther female and have a true equal + extra clothes to wear

[WowwGirl]

Good call

[callmeommi]

Just because he's a man doesn't mean I have to submit only , not the 1900s

[bamesjond0069]

Men submit their needs but not their leadership. He makes the calls you obey. He is supposed to put your needs first but not by just doing what you say.

[callmeommi]

Imma be single forever

[In_Trance]

That's between you and him

[lycanthrope3]

Are you both dominant

[KatherineJ]

Uhm…. no.

[WowwGirl]

Not in my world