Why Do Some Men Still Believe A Spouse Should Be Submissive?

[TransAm85]

I understand in the earlier times a woman generally was just a mother and a housewife. The man was the provider. Times have changed though, but it seems like men are still out there that want to be in control. Is it a cultural thing or just a preference? I have experienced this dominant spouse first hand and it is very frustrating when you have limited space and resources. I am curious why men do this? Insecurity? Past relationship issues?

[Lionman95]

I think depends on many different reasons, one is the upbringing, one is the hormones but also rolemodels.
I think it´s part of our nature and part of our masculinity. I grew up with joke: Why did it take the Israelites under the lead of Moses to travel from Egypt to their promised (Israel) a time of 40 years? Have you ever seen a man asking for directions.
The bottom story many of us guys especially those with a higher testosterone level want to be dominant and leading because it´s the way we are, we gain our self-confident from achieving stuff. We wanna be the provider because we can´t imagine ourselves sitting at home.
We don´t find anything interesting in cooking or cleaning or styling our homes. Yes it can be helpful if it´s clean but it doesn´t have to look beautiful, we don´t have that sense of beauty as women do.
For guys working outside with machines is way more fascinating than being at home.
We wanna be the providers because we feel that´s the best thing we could bring into the relationship.
It´s also a cultural thing because stay at dads are looked at bad by society they are either made of or belittled.
No guy wants that.
It´s also a question of role-models because I don´t know a guy who isn´t a providing in some way to his family that doesn´t mean that he´s making the most money in the relationship but in my circle of friends and family there is no stay at home dad.
So for me that´s not really an option to choose.

[MrCommodore]

I think this is misunderstood, its because we men on average are more masculine than women, who on average are more feminine than men. Masculinity is by nature more dominant or aggressive, which is why you see those trends.

[TransAm85]

But some men are extremely aggressive and controlling to the point where it turns into mental/emotional abuse. Making a woman feel guilty and stupid like she owes the man for his financial support.

[MrCommodore]

Yeah I know, generally this is done by insecure men who fear the girl is likely to find a better guy than him. So they basically try to make the girl feel inferior or worthless, in their mind it will keep her from thinking she can do better.

[Anonymous]

Some men are still being raised to believe this is the masculine role. However, today it seems they want the benefits of being the dominant partner but not the responsibility or sacrifice it requires.


For example, my grandmother was the submissive housewife and stay at home mom but she made damn sure he was making the big bucks, building the home, securing the transportation, HE drove their RV all over the country, was out mowing the lawn dutifully, and basically taking care of business.


Guys these days think they can make a measly 60k a year, and spend half their non working hours playing GTA.., no lol.

[sheikalana]

Maybe they were raised by a dominant father and a more submissive mother and he believes that's how it should be.

[lightbulb27]

Can you be more clear what control means? Like there’s no give and take and dialog in decisions or like dictator?


You are asking psychology of a person. The flip to this is why you were attracted to him. Attraction is sub conscious. A strong personality (controlling) is drawn to weak… which may be due to empathy of that person… that can be hard on the soft person when values or needs collide.

[UniquelyBasic]

Well a man could want a submissive wife but that doesn't mean he wants to control her to the point of sucking out her humanity. Men want someone who will have their backs and support them while being able to think for themselves.

[Waldoe]

some guys have "Issues" and need to feel like they are "In charge" sad, but true

[TransAm85]

His parents died when he was only in his early 20s and he was going to school for mechanic/transmission rebuilding license. I think losing his parents that young had some effect? When I was in my early 20s, I was still figuring stuff out and if my mom or Grandma would have died, that would have really hurt. I nvr had my dad around so.. can't vouch for his presence.

[Mickbert]

I’m 100% the sub in the relationship. I do virtually all the cooking and cleaning. She definitely wears the pants in the relationship!

[Anonymous]

Times have NOT changed biology. Men's role is dominant, female is submissive. It's this way despite what feminists will say.

[Hanrej]

For the same reasons women strove for more influence. Did you seriously think that just because women wanted power men would want to be submissive? It isn't you that decide what men want.

[CuriousMufuxka]

It's more natural. Do women really want their man to be a little subservient bitch? Well besides sexually every now and then..

[Abinav69]

It is natural for men being dominant, but if a person shows his dominance only in bed it means that he has some complexity issues with his partner or he is insecure on some extent

[Boldy_Erin]

My boyfriend definitely believes should be submissive

[Boldy_Erin]

my boyfriend definitely believes that women should be submissive

[Anonymous]

Because women like being submissive so you have to give her what she wants

[htmndg183]

I don't know. Its beyond me. I prefer her to be dominant ideally or at least have a dominant side.

[Anonymous]

I think they have a disdain for women and want to exercise their disdain for women.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Some women like it. Yup

[In_Trance]

It needs to be a sub/dom balance.