Guys, would you rather a career oriented or family oriented woman?

[peace-love-couture]

I'm talking about for a wife, would you rather an educated, career oriented woman or a (what some might perceive as) 'subservient,' weak minded stay at home wife and mother?

Keep in mind, both women women are good wives and good mothers. They just spend their time differently. One dedicated to career, the other housework/motherhood. But they're still both wonderful mothers and wives. Or your choice might determine who is a better wife and mother.

[benthurber]

To qualify my answer, I'm against today's culture of feminism that stems from the social revolution of the 60's and I want a family. The only choice I would make is someone who is family oriented; it's not a preference, it's a requirement.

Here's why:

We'll start with the practical. Children require "X" amount of time throughout the week at a level of care and love that can only be provided by parents. Less than those "X" hours may be functional, but it is robbery from the individual child. It is a full-time job. There are simply not enough hours in the week and energy for both parents to commute, work, make their marriage worthwhile, do chores, 'and' take care of children to the amount and level they deserve.

Stop buying into the lies that "so-and-so's children turned out fine, and 'she' worked." Just because children can adapt to their situation doesn't mean they aren't broken from it. It is a crime for children to turn out "fine" when they could have been amazing had they been properly invested into.

Now my social reasons. Feminism thrives by declaring the female condition as inferior to male's and then encourages women to shed femininity and lionize masculine traits. I am making a trade. I will make great sacrifices of time, energy, and my very life so that my future wife is free to be present to love and raise our children. I will do this because I know I'm not naturally a nurturer; but I am a hard-worker and driven to provide (but I'm not caught up in materialism to burn-out and have nothing to offer when I come home.) I will carry the burden of financial success for our family. I will miss a huge portion of the most precious moments of our children's lives. On average I will live fewer years than my wife. In addition to work, I will probably handle most of the home and automotive repairs and maintenance. I will have to come home tired from work and contribute to my marriage and family, because they will be the reason I go out and do battle with the world.

Yet those driving the feminist narrative say this is a bad trade. I call BS. This is a trade where my wife can do all the things I can't, and therefore I do by extension of my wife. In addition to raising our children well, I'm also freeing my wife to pursue arts, participate in politics, volunteer, start her own business, or work at a non-profit. Things that are simply not available if she has to worry about providing.

Work or family: A Jill-of-all-trades will be master of none.

[kholland65]

Family without a doubt.

I think women need to drop this idea that gender roles work in such absolutes. Just because your a stay at home mom, or we prefer a housewife, doesn't mean yo're totally brainless and subservient. Us guys who want a housewife are not looking for a slave. We're just looking for a girl that values the family, and understands the fact that she is genetically predisposed to be the primary care giver of our children.

I don't mind my wife/gf having a career or any sort of goals for that matter. If your dream is to be a teacher, then go for it. But what I don't like is when everything gets forgotten because of that and she chooses not to have kids until she's 37. It's no different than girls not liking a guy who is so enveloped in his career that he never spends time with the family.

I also think that women have this false impression of old fashioned guys who want an old fashioned house wife. They assume that all us guys who have such a preference do so because we are lazy and are simply looking for a women to cook for us, clean up after us, and do our laundry. While obviously these things are nice, its not the driving factor. I want a traditional housewife, but I also fully intend on helping with the kids, driving them to soccer practice if I'm free, cooking dinner if my wife is busy, helping clean the house, doing my own laundry, etc.

What we really want is a girl who simply values the family unit. A girl who wants to raise her children as opposed to letting a daycare center do it. A women who understands that men and women have different strengths and should both combine those strengths in order to perform different duties that contribute to a running a healthy family, while working together as a team. A women who doesn't feel like any household chore is oppressive but instead realizes that these things need to be done, and just as she'll do it when she's available, so will I. I just simply feel that my kids will turn out better if they have a mother who can actually spend time raising them, as opposed to having two parents who work 60hrs a week, especially if we don't need the money, which is why every since I was a kid, my intention has always been to earn enough money to support my wife and kids, under the assumption that she will not work, especially when our kids are young.

[peace-love-couture]

I would never let my kids stay at a day care...too many horror stories and I'd rather raise my children, as opposed to letting a stranger

[kholland65]

Exactly, but its sort of hard with two parents who want to be executives so to speak. But that's also why I personally, even as a guy never want to work a job that requires way to much of my time. I need to spend a certain amount of time with my family. I will draw the line between work and family and I expect my wife to do the same. If that means not working at all, that's fine too.

[kholland65]

I think really what I meant to say is I like both, just as some guys have said. It's not mutually exclusive though most women act like it is. You can follow your dreams and pursue a career while still being a good mother, maintaining a family, and running a household. I would expect any guy to do the same.

[emzy-89]

Women are able to be both, we're good at multi-tasking. :)

[shirkdeio]

Stay at home wife and mother. My goal is to make enough money to adequately support a family so my wife can stay at home to take care of the kids, the house, and any ministries or other activities she might be involved in.

It depends, though, and it's also a matter of timing. When we get married but before we have kids, she might already have a job, and there isn't as much reason for her to stay home. I think I'd like her to homeschool our kids, but if she doesn't want that and they end up going to school, she would have that time in the middle of the day to work if she wanted to. So it depends on what she wants to do.

But what I want? A stay at home wife and mother.

[shirkdeio]

I should also mention that one of my biggest dreams would be to become an independent app designer (like for iPhone), to work at home and have my wife there to help me (maybe an artistic eye, or a gamer, or something).

[sovetskii13]

It depends on what I will be doing in my future. Based on my current plans, I would prefer a family-oriented woman because I might not have the time and energy for part of my life to do all the "at home" stuff. Know what I mean? So, it would be great to have a wife who would be willing to help me with that. If I had a different future in mind, maybe I would rather go for a career-oriented woman. So, it really depends on the guys's current situation, and what the guy is planning to do in his future. What to major in, where to live, what to work at, and so on.

[kheserthorpe]

Honestly, either is fine. The career oriented woman we'll pump a significant amount of the additional income into child care, housecleaning, cooked meals, etc.

As long as she's doing one or the other, she's contributing.

So basically, don't have a 'job' that's actually a hobby, earns nothing and makes you useless at home, or be a stay at home wife and mother who actually can't run the home.

[InquisitiveMale]

I have no intentions of marrying or bearing children so the later would not be my choice but nether would someone focused on their career satisfy me. Given the options I would choose someone focused on their career.

Given a world of unlimited choices, as I face it today, I choose someone who works because they need to but lives because they want to. Someone selfish with their time and energy but generous with their heart.

[Konnour]

Family-oriented

Because I don't want a feminism-influenced woman, I don't want a materialistic woman and I want her to raise our kids as decent human beings instead of leaving it all to the education system, producing nothing but worthless scum

[Anonymous]

The two are not mutually exclusive IMO, and I think it's wrong to associate family oriented stay at home wife / mother with weak minded and subservient. I think what is important is her priorities. My wife is well educated and had a career before we had kids. She stayed at home while the kids were young and went back to work after our kids reached their teens. To ME, that is ideal, and it didn't make her weak minded and subservient in any way.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I could fall in love with a girl whose only goal in life is to stay at home with the kids. I know parenting is the hardest job in the world, but to me that kind of a woman would just not be interesting. I'm sure many guys would love it though.

[Janson]

I prefer family oriented. Not that a woman can't be career oriented also, but I really want someone who cares strongly about relationships

[lghulm]

I want a woman that is focused on both, just as I am :)

[Anonymous]

The former. Knowing the reality that career-oriented women can be good moms just as much as career-oriented men can be good dads.

That and I don't want kids anyway so that makes life a bit easier :P

[Shooter-McGavin]

Fam oriented!

[Anonymous]

Probably stay at home