Couples living together before marriage?

[Masamii]

What are your views on couples living together before marriage? for me personally, i can see it as a good and bad thing. Good because it could save two people from making a mistake of marrying each other if they find out that they can't live together and for financial reasons since the U. S. economy isn't the best. I see it as bad because my parents frown upon it and don't think its right. I think the view on it is changing as the next generation is getting older.

I am for couples living together before marriage.

I am against couples living together before marriage.

I am indifferent.

See the results.

[jam66]

I am against it. If you notice most people on here so far have said that they would never get married before living with someone because they want to find out what kind of habits they have and whether they are annoying. Generally I'd say that people like that, will never be ready for marriage because everyone will have habits that annoy you at some point. You are never going o find someone that is exactly like you. Marriage is not about being with someone because they have habits that don't annoy you, marriage is HARD. Yes it is. You will annoy each other, you will get fed up of each other, you will want to kill each other at points, but that is marriage. Marriage is about working through these things together, learning compromise, accepting other people are different to you and learning to have patience. It isn't going to be a bed of roses. On the other hand accepting someones faults and unique traits, you have a valued companion, someone who can compliment your skills, someone you can trust, someone that will love you back for who you are and can work past your faults.
Living with someone and then deciding to leave is just a cop out, it just means you would never be able to get past any difficulty that arises in a marriage. That is why I am against it.

[Jbgurl20]

There are positive and negative sides of this. Well the positive side is you get to know your partner more, you get to know everything about them. I heard people say you never really get to know one person until you live with them which is true. Living together before helps people to really know one another. The negative side is you may probably lose your privacy, if you live with your partner you will act like you are married couples minus the marriage ofcourse. You will have sex and you may probably get pregnant or get someone pregnant.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with livibg together before marriage but there are still some limits. There are certain plades where they view it as a wrong thing. Some people are still conservative about it. like in my place. Marriage is sacred. There is no dibirce here. When you marry a person, theat would be a lifetime commitment. There's no turning back. And sex is sacred also. They view sex as a very sacred thing and only married couples should do it.

People have different views about it. But for me it's ok, as long as you respect each other and gives each other some privacy.

[Jbgurl20]

There is no divorce here*

[Masamii]

i love your view on divorce. i think a lot of people just use it as an easy out and not working through their problems.

[Jbgurl20]

I am actually against divorce. My boyfriend is also against it. He is a devoted christian so he doesn't agree with living together and divorce.

[savingscarlett]

I agree with Zendrya totally, when it comes to getting to know their habits before you marry them. Some people really do have some weird antics. My aunt once married a guy without moving in. She later divorced him because when she did finally move in, she discovered that he had an obsession with human feces. He would literally throw anyones poop on the wall and slather it on, not to make you throw up or anything. Sorry. :(

But the only reason I'm indifferent is because I do NOT agree with pre-marital sex. When you move in with a guy, it's basically assumed that you're having intercourse. When you live together, there isn't really a way out, is there?

[Susumi8]

Wow, a guy obsessed with human feces. You would think there would be some tell tale signs of fecal obsession that she might have picked up on beforehand. I mean, he must have washed himself a lot to get them smell off! haha

[bigboi22]

I agree with you in regards with the whole pre-martial relations. But it is definitely a plus if you know the other person's habits and personality, something that I am worried about since Im probably going to have an arranged marriage :(.

[abundantlyrich]

that kids were the only ones who do that... not adults

[Slugworth99]

Good for you on your stand on premarital sex.

[jacquesvol]

@abundantlyrich a visit to some public restrooms should learn yo more about that dark side of Mankind.

[jam66]

Your aunts husband is an extreme and sounds a little unstable :)

[rotinaj10]

I think living together before marriage is really important. Living with someone really lets you get to know them. When i moved in with my buddy it really put a strain on our relationship and that was just a bromance. You really get to know a person when you live with them.

I think it's more important to wait until you're a little older (25+) just because you are a little more mature and ideally more financially secure.

I also thinks it is important to date for awhile before you start sharing bills with someone.

My wife sneak moved in with me. Back when she was my gf she started accumulating more and more of her stuff at my place. Went from staying over a couple of times a week to almost every night. Eventually her dad was like "do you still live here?" Lol

It was just sort of a natural progression. We got engaged after we had already lived together for 2 years. Lived together for almost 2 years while engaged. Of all of that... getting a joint checking account felt like the biggest step.

[BCRanger10]

I'm not going to. I can see how people might think that it's a good idea, but I just don't buy into it. I just feel that if we were to do that, we'd be holding something back from each other. We'd be entering our marriage with some kind of condition/"strings attached". The way I look at it, I would enter marriage because I love the woman and not because I can accept or tolerate her. That's not to say that all couples who live together before marriage have that mentality, though. I simply don't agree with the logic behind it.

[Masamii]

thats a really good opinion. i think this may have been what my boyfriend was trying to tell me when i asked him about it. he said he would just see me differently, but couldn't explain himself further.

[ShesSoSilly]

Personally I am completely for living together before marriage. Assuming its a serious relationship and you plan on spending the rest of your life together I DO NOT understand the rush of marriage, which is such a serious commitment. You should be 100% sure and REALLY know the person before you choose to make that commitment.

When you live with someone you REALLY get to know them on a whole new level. You can tell a lot about someone by actually living with them and living with their habits. You are also forced to learn how to live together, compromise, and work together. I'd HATE to get married and find that any of these things aren't working out after I just promised before God and my family that I'm going to spend my life with this person.

Also, I personally don't agree that sex is a reason not to. If that's truly something you believe and desire for your life, to wait until you are married, you can have the self control to abstain. Just because you're in the same home doesn't mean you have to be having sex. If its that difficult you don't even have to sleep in the same bed, change behind closed doors, continue to fill your days with work/school/friends/family as you would living anywhere. Again if that's important to someone they have the free will to choose what they believe to be the right thing.

[kittyforlife]

I agree with you! I luved with my boyfirend before we even started dating, so we clearly lived with each other before getting married.

[julietxrose]

I'm definitely against living together before marriage. Statistically, couples who live together in preparation of married life stand a much higher chance of separating than those who don't live together first. However, if you live together with the sole goal of cohabitation, you actually stand a HIGHER chance of staying together.

Now my more personal reasoning, if my partner had a habit of leaving their clothes on the floor (just an example, I'm not literally concerned with this), I'd be much more inclined to get over it if we were already married. I think it's too easy for someone to break up over tiffs while "playing house". Plus, you lose the fun of being newlyweds and moving in together! I think it's better to save some of your independence and privacy while you date/are engaged, as you're still in the process of really getting to know one another. You just have to pace the relationship, so someone's quirky habits may be a tipping point if they're all put out in the open too soon.

[Slugworth99]

My wife and I lived together for just over 2 years before getting married. We have been married for over 22 years. I attribute our long marriage to living together. If you live together, it should be done looking to the future. Living together should not be taken lightly. I am not for jumping around and living with multiple partners for short periods of time. It does not help to teach how to deal with a long term relationship. What if you end up parents? The long term relationship should be a goal of living together.

[Dionysos]

I think it's important these days to go into marriage realistically. Most of them aren't actually permanent, and the stigma against divorce is almost completely gone. Because of that, the old societal pressure to make it work whatever it takes isn't there and getting hitched has a lot more risk than it used to.

You can eliminate some of that risk by getting to know the person VERY well and knowing that you're really compatible in a long term committed relationship before you decide to merge finances. A lot of non married people buy houses together, have kids together and decide in the end that they're married in effect without bringing the government into it and getting a license.

[rotinaj10]

Yup, at a certain point in the eyes of the law you are considered married. The most important thing is finding someone to be your partner in life.

[confugirl]

So the only bad aspect of it is that your parents frown upon it? How does that say anything about the issue at all? Your parents' opinion shouldn't form your opinions.
I think living together is a must for every relationship. You have to know what you're getting into and whether you could spend that much time with a person before making a lifelong commitment. Most people don't act in public like they do at home. You need to know what they're like when they're forced to be around you. You need to know whether you can handle them at their worst, because you will have to do that when you get married. It's extremely foolish to marry a person you don't know inside and out.

[rotinaj10]

Totally agree with you

[sagigurrl3]

I think it depends on the couple and how long they've been together. I think it's a little bit silly whenever couples are moving in together after a month of dating, and then they break up and it's a humongous mess. However, I think that if a couple has been dating for a while and it's a serious relationship, that it's fine. It helps to prepare for marriage and it demonstrates what it's like to live with your significant other.

[Masamii]

that would be disastrous to move in with someone and then break things off. talk about making a fool of yourself.

[Phoenix98]

Personally I am agaisnt it and for all you people saying it is a good idea well your opinion my parents have been married for over 20 years and still going. And they never moved in together before they were married. Hanging out there being in the house is one thing but living together just doesn't sit right with me maybe it has something to do with me being proper and old fashioned but to each their own I suppose

[rudy37lee]

My parents have their 30 year anniversary this year. They DID live together before marriage. Wonderful relationships can result from either situation.

[Masamii]

yeah my parents are like your parents and my boyfriend had your opinion on this matter when i asked him.

[Phoenix98]

Ya everyone's different though for me though I think in the world we have today it is good to have boundary and limits. Living together before marriage paves the way to temptation that leads to sex and that can lead to a child before you are ready and so on.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's the greatest idea. I think we sometimes want marriage for the wrong reasons. We want marriage to make us happy, when in reality it is never 100% happy all the time. What are we looking for when we try "practicing for marriage?" Even if you find the compatibility (sexually or whatever else you're looking for), you and that person will change along the way. My main aversion to living with someone to test out if our marriage will work is that the back door is wide open. That's what is really being practiced. We still have separate bank accounts, and separate lives that we can retreat to if it becomes unpalatable to us. I'd rather go all in, get married, and practice working through our issues. Marriage won't always make you happy, but it has a great chance to make you a better version of you.

[primitive]

I've done it. i believe you should live seperately until you are married. i was with someone for 5 years then we decided to find a place together and after that we only lasted a year then we went our separate ways. the only good thing that came of it finding that we werent fit to live together. it dimishes the mystery and the longing for each other. Unless he or she is ready to commit to something more than a lease with you its not the right time to agree to that. Unless you have heard the words "marriage".

[Justforfun1973]

So you would rather have been divorced?

[primitive]

yeah, if we can't live together it wouldn't matter to me.

[Skittles_lover]

That's not for me, I guess I just have high standards for myself. I think its important to find out the most you can before you live together. I can't stand it when I see people say things like 'well, you get to know their habits and other things'. Ok, so what? You find out they aren't as neat as a person as you are so you're going to divorce them because they leave their dirty socks around the house? Probably not. You'll get over it or work something out. I think people just make any and every excuse up. If you're out eating and your partner drops crumbs at the table and they don't bother to wipe them off before you leave, you can see already see the kind of person they are. Clues are all around you.

[Anonymous]

It's problematic...

First of all, it depends which society you're referring to. In the US, with so many divorcees, singles and what not, it's probably easy to get into relationships.

In other traditional societies around the world, a person who's lived with someone openly would be considered like "second hand goods"...

Also, I think the woman in such an equation places herself in a tight spot. She just reduces her own bargaining power. For a guy, our hypocritical society will quite accept it!

[Opinion Owner]

The other thing is, if you decided to build bridges with just about anyone... you can do it. "Love" marriages are as much likely to break down as any other... There is no money-back guarantee for any relationship. SO?

[jacquesvol]

There's no such thing as a 'second hand girl'... or widows should retire into nunneries.

[jrose]

I see it as perfectly fine- definitely a good way to find out about all of their foibles and work out whether you can actually live together before you get married. It's never really bothered me that much... My parents haven't ever given any indication they're against it or disapprove of it- they seem to still love my sister-in-law despite her living with my brother for 2 years before they got married.
It's not for everyone, which is cool. But I see no fundamental problem with it, I think it's one way to really get to know your partner.

[acka72]

It all depends on the man you are dating and his culture. Personally, Im all for living together and having sex before tying the knot. That way both partners have test driven one another and they know their love is genuine not just infatuation and hormones speaking. Another advantage is that both partners know that they are capable of living together. However, there are some men out there, that if you want to have a marriage with them, you shouldn't move in with them. If he is old fashioned and comes from a conservative family... moving in with him is like shooting your chances to marriage and to be taken seriously. Usually these men are commitment phobes or are emotionalllly unavailable. With that kind of man, you have to negotiate either you give me true commitment or you dont get to move in with me.

However, with most other men its OK to move in.

[lumos]

You can never say you truly know a person until you've lived with them 24/7 for a while. So yes, moving in together before marriage can be very important. You might notice some bad habits in your partner that are deal breakers (or just very irritating) as well as the whole thing works like a test to see if you really can stand being around each other all day every day.
This, of course, doesn't mean that relationships/marriages won't work unless you move in together first. I'm fairly sure that a lot of couples feel close to no difference between living alone and living with their partner.
But yes, I'm for living with your partner before getting marriage. It's one of those things that can easily make or break a relationship, and it can definitely work as a life saver if it turns out that you just can't stand being with each other 24/7.

[lumos]

before getting married*

[Anonymous]

It is not important if you live together before marriage or not. You and your partners happiness is what is important. Don't let marriage change you! Too often, after a couple gets married one or both of their expectations change. Sometimes this leads to distance in the relationship, and the relationship is strained. If you really love one another you can come to some sort of understanding, but all too often these feeling fester under the surface. Eventually you may harbor so much resentment for your partner that there is no turning back and the marriage is doomed. Understand this going in, and just do what you did when you first fell in love.

[Troian]

live together first. I would not want to discover how the guy is in his everyday life starting on the wedding day. Plus, I don't even plan on marrying one day.
I'm already living with my boyfriend and I love it, I wouldn't imagine living alone just for apparences. And my dad doesn't mind at all, he's even happy to know someone is by my side everyday so he doesn't have to worry

[rotinaj10]

Love this "opinion"

[Anonymous]

I have mixed feelings but statistics don't lie. It may work for some people but breaking up after can make it like going through a divorce without even being married. You can walk out easier so you are more likely to not try to compromise. Any marriage takes compromise and a willingness to make it work so if you get married first you made a bigger commitment because it's harder to just walk away. Often with moving in one party may be more serious than the other. I can see this happening in young couples where the girl is thinking this means marriage and the guy has no such intent and he just enjoys having a permanent sex buddy who will make him a sandwich while he does his college readings.

Personally I wouldn't move in together without being married but everyone is different.

[LightUp]

Since I live in a country where the whole idea is Frowned upon I don't think much women are Open to the idea of Living together Either. Though I agree it's better to live in together so that you can see how It would be if you were to marry that person.

[bubbiexo]

I wouldn't live with someone unless we were married or engaged with a set wedding date. I kinda believe in that horrible saying, "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" or whatever. I guess I just worry a guy wouldn't feel the need to take that next step if we were already living together. I don't care if other people do it, it's just not for me :) (I'm also not saying that all guys would feel like they didn't need to propose, just that I don't want that to happen)

[Masamii]

yes, i agree. thered be no way i'd move in with my boyfriend unless we were surely going to get married.

[TealTallulah]

Mmm, i am on the fence. I mean i am not really for or against it. I would personally want to be married before i moved in with my boyfriend. I already know his habits since we have known each other for a while. He can get quite messy at times but that's something we have already discussed. I think communication is important.