Do you think a couple should live together before marriage?

[Apple1996]

[Anonymous]

You never really know a person until you live together. Living together can either strengthen a relationship or completely destroy it. I lived with my best friend for a month and now I’ve cut all ties with her. We were so close until we lived together. She was really into organic healthy weird foods, and she never cleaned up after herself, and she took long showers and left all the lights on at night which made the bills go up, and she snored and slept with a white noise machine that kept me up all night, and whenever I would ask her not to do these things she would get defensive and upset. I couldn’t stand her after that. We ended our 4 year friendship after only one month of living together. On the other hand My boyfriend and I moved in together really quickly. We moved in together after only 3 months (I know that’s really fast). We’ve been together 2 years now and we’re still happy. He has some habits that annoy me but ultimately we’re happy. Living with somebody could completely change a relationship and so I think it’s important to do before marrying someone.

[nomadia]

I would say no, this is why men and women dont marry. And why there is a stigma about men being afraid to commit. Why sell ourselves as wife at girlfriend cost. The man won't need to Marry if he can have all the benefit of a wife without the commitment U are not A "try at home risk free for 90 days" product.

[Clearblueskye]

Best answer I’ve read. I think yours deserves MHO.

[rjroy3]

I do not. There are problems that can arise moving in before marriage, that wouldn't arise when married. One factor that comes to mind. When you move in together. You don't move into a new place. You move into your partners house. And it's just that. Your partners house. It's not your house, even if there's an understanding that it is yours as well.

They subconsciously look at it as their place, with you living there as well. You subconsciously look at it as their place and that you're just a longterm guest. If you were married beforehand, there's the higher level of commitment to the idea of "what I have is yours". If you're married and move in, then you know this is MINE as well. It's not your partners place. It's both of your place. That said, if you do move in together it is better to get an entire new place together as opposed to just moving into the others place.

[OrangeBoy2]

Not if they share the rent for that time.
Independently from who was the first to live there.

[rjroy3]

@OrangeBoy2

Vast majority of the time it changes nothing, unless you're going to say the partner moves into their own separate bedroom. The feeling generally remains in place on the end of at least one or both parties. Rent helps, but it's still a different vibe than just a new tenant

[OrangeBoy2]

Then they should rent a new one like you said earlier. In the end its dependent on each one hability to abstain from thinking about it and just share responsibilities.

For me I just need to know I'm paying half of stuff with all the benefits from it to feel I'm at my own home, but for you no. Just depends on people.

[rjroy3]

@OrangeBoy2 not even a me thing honestly. I would take no issue with it. I'm just speaking to what happens in the vast majority of cases. It's not me damning all relationships where people move in first. Some people move on to get married and it works out. That's just not the vast majority of cases.

[dantheman1118]

I have the same answer for sex before marriage. I believe it's absurd to even attempt to not have sex or not live together before marriage. Both those things can end up terrible bad and end a relationship fast. Those are huge steps.
Think of it like this : your going to buy a car. You have your mind made up. You know exactly what you want. You know all the details. Let's just say you saved up for 18 years for this car. You have saved exactly 55k. You figure since you have dreams about this car for 18 years, why bother test driving. You have heard what other people have said. You have read a book about it. Why even bother with the test drive?

That should never happen. Because everyone knows that you always test drive and really good chances your gonna hate how it drives.
Moral of the story. Have sex and live together before marriage

[shimmeryns]

If they cohabit, I wonder if they even see a point of getting married. They are practically married without a piece of paper and expensive event.

[PrincessGrail]

You can, but it's not necessary

[btbc92]

Marriage is about mystery and growth whether you knew each other or not. It's a willingness. Getting shacked up before then takes away that experience that life is supposed to teach you: no. after bow bad you hate a person's habits you still have to get along, because you will live with each other for LIFE. If one is going to that that means their either fooling around, already planned to not get married, don't know what their really doing, and is playing house. You can move in, you can marry. Eleven studies have shown people who done this have an increase chance for divorce. I would not do it.

As another user have said, selling yourself short of a wife or husband will make a person respect you less, creates fears of commitments, and we lose our benefits for everyone.

[Kairophilos]

Nope! It ruins the surprise and excitement of starting a new life together with your spouse.

Think about it. If I've been living and sleeping with my fiancee for a long while, what changes after getting married? I would have gotten so used to her being around, just that "O wow, we're married!"

That would go on for a few days before life goes back to normal (like how we've been used to).

If you didn't move in before marriage, in my opinion, then living and spending each day of your life together would be something that would be amazing to look forward to!

[simplyaramdomgirl]

To each their own, but on my part it's a definite no. First of all, if you're dating someone and you don't know that person fully, what makes you think that you'll get to know them any better by moving in? That's just plain retarded. Secondly, everyone needs their space. Once you're married you're choosing that person to be together "forever", but dating someone is different. You're getting to know that person and you're learning if you're compatible and whatnot. Moving in together with someone you're just getting to know is surely a recipe for disaster. Lastly, it complicates things. Dating someone who lives in their own house is much simpler than dating someone with whom you share a bed. It puts unneeded pressure on each of you and on the relationship. It also makes breaking up much harder if it were to come to that. So do yourself a favor and keep your apartment.

[SuperSWC]

Depends on two things:
1) If you are okay with sex before marriage.
2) You are okay with contraception/birth control, or having a baby when you might not be ready.

If you are okay with that, go ahead. Don't give me we can abstain bs, because if you live together you are banging

[AynonOMouse]

Yes, for sure. You don't really know a person until you live together. You might marry someone, then soon after living together realize you two aren't a good match at all.
It is easy for people to get along for short periods of time while dating, but being with them every day and seeing how unfair or selfish they can really be can really change things. Also, the stuff they normally kept hidden from you about them ends up coming out and they may be a different kind of person than what you originally thought.

[morimeme1]

Yes, I think it helps to better know the person and understand if you are even capable of seeing each other all the time and dealing with day to day issues together. Some relationships can't take this and they break up so doing this test drive helps to ensure you will not be stuck in a sad marriage where you can't stand each other. Nothing is guaranteed of course but it does reduce chances significantly.

[Browneye57]

I used to think shacking up or playing house was a folly, although I did it with my second wife before we married. Now I'm pretty sure you're nuts if you don't.
You never REALLY get to know someone truly 'till you live with them. The true person comes out. Are they a slob, lazy, nit-picker, slacker, fussy, moody... you name it. If you get this wrong and you marry them first you've signed yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and disappointment. And I didn't even mention the sex part yet.
No, I wouldn't buy a car or a pair of shoes without TRYING them out. You're going to make a life-long commitment on a whim or a feeling?

Now if you're waiting for religious reasons, then just find someone like minded and plan it together.

[Mstrainjr]

This is a tough one, and I guess it depends on each couple. If they are already sexually active and have been together for some time, then I don't see the difference. It is a type of commitment, I suppose, which is a positive step toward strengthening the relationship. And of course, it gives two people an opportunity to know what it is like to be around each other all the time before they chain themselves to each other only to realize their relationship was too shallow to begin with.
Then again, if you personally feel that it's morally/ethically wrong to live together outside marriage, then you yourself should not do it, while at the same time staying out of other peoples' business.

[markscott]

Statistics are that people who live together before marriage, actually have a higher divorce rate. You might think it would be the other way around, as they get to know each other in a living situation before marriage. But it doesn't work that way. Perhaps people who wait for marriage have demonstrated a deeper moral commitment, that follows through with finding way to make their marriage work.

[11mmarro]

Personally, yes. You don't fully know what a person is like until you're going to bed together and waking up together day to day.

With that in mind, religion and strict morals prevent this in some cultures, which is fine.

Bottom line: it's beneficial to live together before marriage.

[slatyb]

Mostly yes but not indefinitely. If you hope to be married, then don't move in together without setting a decision date when you either agree to marry or separate. I've seen too many people, mostly young women, move in with their partner and then a couple of years later wonder why there's no proposal.

[KhloeTheRaven96]

Yes. I think after a year or so a couple can talk about moving in together, etc and then just live together as a couple for at least two years before deciding on marriage or something. You really don't know a person until you live with them long-term, see them daily and what they're like day to day and if you're compatible.

[UnknownReflection]

Yes.

It helps them to understand each other better through ups and downs and key moments of life where darker days arrives and disagreements comes to life. The challenges that comes will determine so much about the couple's personality, selflessness level, sacrificing desires and how much they truly care about each other's feelings and comfort.

[morimeme1]

Hey, you're the guy who that girl with the question about doctors and smoking blocked and called a troll right? I thought I had lost you but turns out I was following you, she blocked me too and probably everyone who diagreed with her. Didn't want to lose one of the few sound thinking people on this site 😅

[UnknownReflection]

@morimeme1 Yes i am!! haha!

She was just too intense, defensive and stubborn. I'm studying psychology and have eyes for people's behaviors. She was shaking and got anxious the entire time. Solely because you and me had very strong opposed opinions and she found herself unable to cope with disagreements throwing at her. She ignored and refused to communicate properly on two-three occasions and distracted the topic with unrelated comments! i kept insisting so eventually she got out of control, first wrongly accused me of trolling then quickly made a judgement and acted upon it. It's a very unhealthy behavior! when you make assumptions and quickly act on it, it only shows the person's mind is not in the right place! so i am not surprised that she blocked you too! she is naive for neutral discussions and get cold sweats, taking personally, thinking people are attacking their world when facing disagreements!

Such websites are based on communication not validation! you ask questions for sharing intelligence and perspectives not to throw an idea and defend it without listening to others!

But anyways! now i feel ignorant because i didn't remembered you were following me! i'm gonna follow you back because seeing your comments and way of speaking, i'd rather not lose you either. :)

[morimeme1]

Yes, I felt the same way but sometimes even though you can understand the psychological mechanisms of that behaviour it still takes you aback as something so illogical. Glad you feel that way, it's way easier to come across someone like her than someone sensible here. But that is also a part what keeps me here, observing human online behaviour. It is interesting to analyze people and myself too sometimes.

[UnknownReflection]

@morimeme1 You're totally right! it doesn't matter how much i understand or try to understand. Sometimes can be so draining to deal with some people!

At least i discovered you better during that process! a positive outcome! :D

[morimeme1]

Always look at the bright side 😅

[UnknownReflection]

@morimeme1 Absolutely! i'm glad you were following me before so now we can keep in touch! it's my pleasure :)

[Ronald_25]

Definitely, this isn't the 1600s. Living together, sex, going to each other's social activities etc all should be done before marriage to "try out your partner". So marriage isn't the reason you stay together, it just validates your relationship in societies eyes. And shows your commitment to each other for the rest of your lives.

[hailey2019]

I would definitely have to live with someone first before even considering marriage. Because if you can’t work it out just by living with each other then marriage isn’t going to either. I’d rather just have a messy break up then a whole divorce 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

I think anyone who isn't extremely religious and has had a bad roommate at some point in their life will agree that you need to live with someone first to truly get to know someone. You may think you know them but you don't really. A co-worker of mine, she let her best friend move in with her and that actually drove them apart. If that can happen between friends it can happen between lovers.

[CubsterShura]

For what? Testing each other like samples in the shop before fully committing to a product? You're either committed already or you're not, period. A truly committed person will not need you to live with them to be tested before deciding to marry.

[ImJustCurious13]

I can somewhat agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don't think you really know someone unless you've lived together. A lot of people, like myself, need a lot of personal space and everyone reacts differently to having someone around constantly and having someone there who might wanna change things to a way you don't like etc. I mean what if you get married and then you just fight constantly... It's better to realize first if it's not gonna work or find solutions to any problems that occurs when living together.