I'm pregnant! My boyfriend doesn't know. He's made it clear in the past he doesn't want kids. Help!

[Anonymous]

Me and my Boyfriend of 2 years have discussed having kids in the past, and he has made it clear time after time that kids before marriage is absolutely out of the question as his family would never approve due to religion and culture and that he is also financially not responsible to have a kid. I have recently found out I am 6 weeks pregnant, and I am really scared to tell him. I know if I do he will tell me to get an abortion as in the past I suspected I was but didn't turn out to be just the possibility at that time made him furious and demanded an abortion. Please help should I tell him this time? I really don't want an abortion I'm ready to be responsible..Or should I just get an abortion and not tell him at all? I'm so confused! Please help!

[Anonymous]

Ummm, so religion and culture say it isn't okay to have a kid outside of marriage, but it is okay to have an abortion. I am all for women's rights, but he seems a bit backwards about that.

Don't get an abortion if you don't want one. It is your body and your right to do what you want to do to it.

If he gets mad, remind him that he is 50% responsible (pull out a biology book if needed!) and if he didn't want to take on the responsibility of something he knew could happen, he shouldn't have has sex with you.

And wether or not he wants to be, he has to be financially responsible for the kid. In my state, the government enforces payment by income withholding, credit reporting, tax refund deductions, passport revocation or restriction, property and/or bank account liens, license (driver’s, professional, and recreational) denial, and federal prosecution. You can check link for your state laws.

I know this must be extremely scary for you. If you are capable of having a child, and you want it, then don't let any man control you and force you to do something you may regret. He may get furious, but stick to you guns. Think of your baby you will be holding in 8 months, and if you want to have that baby, and love it, then stay strong. Hopefully you have a strong support group at home, and who knows, maybe he will come around as well.

Take a few deep breaths, and be ready for him to leave you. He may come back after he has cooled off. Remember, he is just a guy, your baby will be your world.

[llcsk8r]

GREAT answer!!!

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

You absolutely need to have him involved in the discussion, and you cannot hide the pregnancy from him.

Regardless of what his family wants, what he wants, even what your parents want, no one can force you to have an abortion.

While others may influence your decision, in the end it comes down to what you want.

If you want the child, you can choose to have the child. If you decide you don't want the child, you can choose that as well.

And understand, you have other options besides abortion. You can carry the pregnancy to term, give birth and then place the child up for adoption.

I'm not saying that's what you should do, I'm saying that is an option besides the two you are discussing.

[Anonymous]

No offense but you just need to put on your big girl panties and tell him. you didn't make that baby by yourself so you shouldn't have to go through it alone. you have to tell him. and don't let him turn this around on you and act like you're the bad guy. everyone knows the only 100% reliable form of BC is abstinence. so if your boyfriend would never want to have kids before he was married he shouldn't have had sex, right? this is your body and your decision, no one can tell you whether you should get an abortion or not. only you know what is best for you, anonymous user. tell your boyfriend so he can know what you're going through but don't let his reaction sway a decision that can change the rest of your life. remember: mama's baby, daddy's maybe. whatever choice you make you will have to deal with so do what is right for you

its funny how his religion and culture doesn't approve of having a child out of wedlock but premarital sex and abortion is A-OK. what religion is that lol?

[llcsk8r]

I was in the same situation at your age and told him and that was the end of us. He gave me the BEST gift I EVER have had in my life, my daughter. When she was 7 he came back into our lives, he has a younger daughter now and was married (he just never wanted kids OR marriage while I dated him...which translated into I was not really his type but he would sleep w/me while there was no one else). I was scared to death to be a single mom but it's a wonderful experience to be a mom...it's NOT easy but do not do something stupid because of him. It's your body...do what is right for you. If religion is what he sites then why would he want an abortion? Think about it...that is just a facade. What matters right now is what you feel about it...it sounds like you already love this child so you need to do right by the child...don't be too worried because you are not the first one to go through this and you will be fine! Best of luck!

[katieeelovesu]

You need to get him involved. I know you may be scared, but you have to tell him! you need his support & may be his family could help out too. But you can not do this alone! I can not tell you what to do-but I must say think of other options of an abortion. I was adopted because my birthmother was too young to have me- the birth before me she aborted the baby :(. Just think & speak with him. Remind yourself & him that you both are not alone-seek help & support from friends and family & also think of other options..dont do something you'll regret. breathe though-you will get through this

[Ella_101]

You should just tell him. Its as much his fault that your pregnant as it is yours. If he doesn't want kids then he should have used protection to make sure that it didn't happen.. And seriously its your body. He cannot force you to get an abortion if you dont want to. And if he does get angry over something like that instead of being there to support you then maybe you should move on and find someone whos going to support you through everything. Even a pregnancy. Good luck girl. Just go with your gut and decide what's right for you ❤

[MissGuided]

This is my take on it. You're the mother, it's your body, and you want this child. Keep it. He has a right to know, because he is the father. The most important thing is that you need to decide how involved he should be with the child. Best case scenario: He understands and wants to help raise the child. Worst case scenario: He's upset and wants to break up. If it is the worst case scenario, do you still want him to be involved? Legally he is as responsible as you are, in terms of child support and such. Don't let anyone pressure you into an abortion, unless you want an abortion. Take a Deep Breath. Relax. It will be OK. Give yourself a couple of days to make the decision. At the end of the day, you have to tell him.

[Anonymous]

Alright sweetheart, I am gonna be straight and honest... You for one absolutely have to tell him if you love him... You for one never know how his feelings will be once he found out that he created another life. Don't you dare go out an have an abortion out of fear.. I did that 14 months ago and I am paying dearly for me. Please think about this, if you are ready to be responsible then trust yourself. You boyfriend should have known that the only 100% guarantee is abstinence, no condom, or other birth control method is 100%... But do talk to him. If he's not willing to step up, that's alright! If you are, then go for it! Just don't make a mistake that you're not really wanting to make yourself. I did it and over a year later I am still an absolute mess... Please think things over!

[DanyellJune]

Alrighty, sounds like you're kinda in a pinch... I'm sorry to hear he isn't willing to even really discuss with you about kids. All in all it is your dicision completely, you already know how he feels and bringing a child into that equation doesn't sound like a good idea. You do need to tell him that you are preganant, that is very important. You love him, and you owe that to him. He cannot make you do anything, it is all up to you and what you are comfortable with doing. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a talk about how you want to approach this. Do Not wait for long for this talk... Time is of the essance. I hope this helps, Good Luck dear.

[Anonymous]

If he didn't want kids before marriage he shouldn't have had sex with you and gotten you pregnant. It is your call, but I hope you just told him you were pregnant and kept the baby. He can't make you get an abortion against your will. In the end, what is it that you want? Are you willing to be a mother?

[stercor]

Sounds like you'll be a single mom. You don't need this guy.

There are guys out there who would like a ready-made family.

You've shown maturity. But it won't be easy, as you are well aware.

[Anonymous]

Great example of why guys don't want to get married and/or have children. He was, and has been, clear about his view on having children, but the hell with that, it's my body, I can do what I want, right? In the end women don't really care about the man/father. They just want a meal ticket and security net. Look at all of the ways mentioned on how to force him pay, regardless of even if he can pay. "Remember, he is just a guy, your baby will be your world." Yup, just a guy, disposable.

[amelia1234567]

That baby is half his just like it’s half hers they’re both made the decision and the reality is at the end of the day there isn’t a baby growing in his body. He has just as much responsibility as she does. If he didn’t want to get her oregant he should have made sure there was something going on just like her. At the end of the day though it’s the woman who has you get the abortion not the man. Have you ever had an abortion before? What are you saying she’s should then abort the baby because he doesn’t want to be a father to the child he halfway created? What about her? It takes 2 to tango and everyone is aware of the risk of sex. In getting a person with their own separate feelings and hormones pregnant you are sharing that with them. You are giving up half of your rights if they get pregnant because you’re body isn’t the the one that get sick the abortion or gives birth.

[Anonymous]

it's funny, he'll have sex, before marriage, but, he says "no kids"

all religions ban sex before marriage.. just sayin'