I'm pregnant with my married boyfriend, I won't have an abortion, should I tell him I’m pregnant?

Question

The same week I found out I was pregnant, I found out that he was actually married. I left him, it's been a week since we broke up, he wants to reconcile, but I will definitely not make up. Also, I didn't tell him I was pregnant, I don't know why I didn't, I guess I'm just trying to accept everything. And I really want to have this baby, but I'm hesitant to tell him becuse If I tell I don't want this baby to make a connection between the two of us because I want to cut that liar out of my life completely... I really don't know what to do right now, so I want to hear your opinions

mikan_galena · Accepted Answer

Replying to OP’s reply (copied at the bottom):

I am so sorry! Unfortunately, I find that people tend to lose their empathy when speaking through a screen. More so if they can do so anonymously.
But you did the right thing, ending things with him (both for you, your child, and his wife). Trust me, a man who does things like what he’s done will not make a good father or husband (clearly…).
I think you have many tough decisions ahead of you, but you seem like a strong person, so I know you’ll pull through.
The first, you’ve already made: you don’t want to terminate.
The second is the matter of this post: should you tell him? While I can’t tell you what to do, there are some things that you need to consider/know. The number one question you need to ask yourself is if he is a danger to you or your child. Genuinely sit down and think, it’s very easy to brush it off and assume he isn’t, but you cannot trust him at all.
Has he ever made you feel even the slightest bit unsafe? If so, that’s the end of the sorry. If you think he might be a threat, then that comes before anything else.
The third thing is location based. You do not want to share custody with this man. Period. Research the local legislation where you are and see what legal rights he has. If he has the right to custody, you probably don’t want to tell him — assuming that he is more stable than you, he can afford to go to court without too large of a loss. You may not have the same level of resources. In this case… I’d would move to another city.
The fourth is more complicated. Does he *deserve* to know? Maybe, maybe not. At this point, his feelings shouldn’t really matter. I will say though, the reason you should tell him is for you and your child.
Your child needs to know exactly what happened as soon as they start asking about their father. If you end up having a relationship with another man somewhere down the lime, be transparent with your kid. Children might be little, but they sense a lot more and deserve to have their questions answered in a friendly manner.
If you do not tell him that you are pregnant and keeping the child, your kid may end up resenting you and connecting with him believing that you kept them apart.
My suggestion would be to only contact him though email from now on. Create another email account if your primary is flooded with useless crap and use this new one for only matters about him and your child.
If you want to tell him, do so through email. If not for legal reasons, so you can show his wife if she ever comes to you (texts can be manufactured easily but if you forward her an email…).
If you decide to tell him, tell him that you are pregnant and found out on X date. That you don’t want child support or contact from him — but if you don’t request child support now, don’t try to do so years down the line if you hit a rough patch. Be short and sweet, no long paragraphs, no responses to him trying to get you back with him. Every time you talk, try to make sure that you’re the one initiating.
For all intents and purposes, you must assume that he will try and fight for custody. This will no longer be an emotional/relationship issue.
Also, I would encourage you to email him, telling him to tell his wife that he was having an affair, because she deserves to know, but he will place the blame on you if you tell her directly. Make sure you keep receipts (pictures, trips, text, etc.) I’m hoping (for your sake) that he’s the sort of man that doesn’t want to tell his wife, so you can use that as leverage. If he tells her, then take that as it comes. If not, you now have proof that you encourage him to tell his wife the truth.

You are the good guy right now. Keep it that way and have proof!

Last but not least, you are strong and very brave. You are doing the right thing (staying away from him and keeping him away) even when it’s extraordinarily difficult. Make sure you have the support you need and try to take it easy.

**I am not a lawyer but I have a father that walked out and a mother that only told me the full story when I was 18 (but I love her, she’s very strong — like you ♥️).

tldr: Is he a danger? Does he have parental rights? Can you afford a long custody battle if it comes to that? Can you be truthful to your kid (and do right by them) without telling him?

“ @mikan_galena and it's really hard to be rational in situations like this. I've been having the hardest time of my life for a week now. I wish I had never asked this question, people have already ruined my bad mood even more with rude opinions. “

DaisyM23 · Accepted Answer

honestly no clue, you had no idea or clue that he was married? why the hell does this married man want to reconcile such an asshole - anyways, if you want to keep the baby then keep it it's your choice, he is the baby daddy so i think he should know that he has a kid out there, you're young can you raise a child by yourself and do you have the mental and financial capabilities? i don't think you can cut him out anyways, you're planning to have his child so this baby will be a reminder anyways, if they grow up to look like him then it'll be even worse, and they will also eventually ask about their dad

Leapfrog00 · Accepted Answer

It sucks that this happened to you, I mean not getting pregnant, but finding out he was married and getting pregnant the same week. I haven't read the other comments but I'm sure there are some negative ones because there always are when people ask questions like these, so I would just disregard those. You obviously came here for help.

Definitely tell him, yes, but as far as him wanting to make things work, think about it like this. . . even if he leaves his wife, which I'm not saying that's what you are expecting, but even if he does, and tries to make things work with you and helps you raise your baby, somewhere down the road he's going to cheat on you for someone else.

He should definitely take responsibility for assisting you in raising your baby. Food is so expensive right now, then there's clothing. Honestly, even if he does, that doesn't mean he's a good guy. He lied about being married and then has unprotected sex with you like there's no risk involved. Even though you want to cut him out of your life, it's going to be hard now that there is a baby tied to the equation.

Helping you raise your baby will not make him a good guy. A good father, maybe, but a good guy no. All he would be doing is what he's supposed to be doing, the right thing.

Take this next piece of advice with a grain of salt because it can get tricky. I would at least look into filing for child support in case he doesn't come through and you get stuck struggling trying to pay for food and diapers. Like I said, I would take hat with a grain of salt because when his wife finds out, she is probably going to blame you. They always do, even though they are the ones married to a cheater. I hope this advice helped.

razelove · Accepted Answer

It doesn't matter if he's a liar or not. His dick pumping baby batter jnto and successfully making a baby with you isn't something his personality affects in the slightest.

You two had sex, a baby came out of it. Whether he is a liar, married, what have you, if you're keeping the baby, you're going to need help, like the beyond child support help. You can be hesitant to ask for that, but then it's only going to be more difficult to get him to take responsibility after y'all's baby is born.

I actively avoided taking responsibility with my one night stands and casual encounters before anything would happen. If I got a girl pregnant, and she got my name though, that would be that. Pissing and moaning wouldn't change reality, or how the situation would play out.

Now you try to come around 3-5 years down the line, all he has to do is say he doesn't know you.

stepyo99 · Answer

Yet another reason why keeping your legs closed until marriage is a good thing. At least you aren't making things even worse and murdering your baby.

If you're going to try to get child support from him, which I would strongly suggest since he lied about being married before knocking you up, then you'll have to tell him.

If you aren't going to try to get child support from him, then I would figure out if you're going to give it up for adoption or try to get support from your parents or something. I don't know what you'll be able to get for welfare from the state for being a single mom, but it's probably not much unfortunately, so you'll want to figure out if your income will support a baby by yourself as well.

AllAloneInTheWorld · Answer

He has the right to know. You have to think of the baby. Imagine if and when the baby gets older and they find out you failed to inform their biological dad they existed, your child will be deeply hurt and may even end up hating you for possibly robbing them of having a relationship with their dad and having him in their life.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

That depends on what you want to do.

If you do not abort or give the baby up for adoption, you are letting him ruin your life.

Guys don't want single moms, you'll end up alone or with a guy who does not appreciate you/relate to you.

This is why it's bad to have sex so early, and why its best to wait a few years after knowing a person to even date them. You need to have enough time to spot any lies before you do anything sexual, and it often takes 3 years for lies to be uncovered.

Gentleman900 · Answer

I have a few opinions however I wouldn't share them here as yet, because something isn't right. Before I give any opinions at all though, be honest, did you actually know he was married? This isn't to be a dick because this is a very tough situation. This seems fishy because there had to be some sort of indication that this man was married. I mean y'all had sex, so obviously, y'all waited sometime I would assume. Number one, I'm sure you have friends or someone who knew that the two of you were an item. I am certain that they warned you or at least someone told you or confronted you. Two, was he hiding you? Like was he not taking you out on public dates, not posting you up, or trying to cover his tracks? It's not hard at all to figure out if a man is married at all. I would suggest you tell his wife! You must tell his wife!! So she could leave if she has the sense to. Answer my original question though.

ohsheeT · Answer

Well first of all congratulations on being so strong I think you're very smart second of all you do have to tell him about the baby whether you choose to put it up for adoption or keep it that's your choice it's all your choice the major choices the reason why he wants to get together with you because I'm sure his wife told him to get the fuck out if he cheated on her he's going to cheat on you just a matter of time

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I don’t think it matters to him either way if you do or don’t do. He may even be really happy if you disappear from his life…
the question is …. How are you going to support this child with love/responsibilities/financially for the rest of your life?

Do you know where he live? His real name? How to find him at this point?

Anemone978 · Answer

I personally would abort it.. but I defo never would of let a boyfriend impregnate me in the first place.. especially at such a young age..
Anyways you should probably tell him if you expect this shit to go easy for you.. raising a kid is hard work and expensive..

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

My opinion is you got your child support ticket... probably going to take it. Make sure you have all his info... my first babies ma ma hid her pregnancy from me and I guess she convinced her boyfriend it was his. Well, she tried to find me for child support. Bwa ha ha ha! I'm the gingerbread man, she can't catch me.

mobiusforniner · Answer

there's a lot of opinions here. I won't offer an opinion.

I will only say, at this point your child is your life. Provide your baby the best life and opportunity so you and baby can grow and move on together.

justabuddy · Answer

You have my sympathy. That a horrible situation. I think you have the hard task of telling him and his wife the truth. Cause I'm sorry doesn't cut it, plus the three of you need to decide how much involvement the father is to be in the babys life. Get child support and thing in order.

Billlewis · Answer

If you're not going to pursue him for child support, then I don't think it matters whether you tell him or not.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, fortunately for you, you can completely cut him out of your life even if he fathered this child. Maybe you can have an unspoken agreement that you will go your way and he will go his and you’ll keep the secret from his wife. He’ll have to live with the fact that he has a child he can never see if he wants to keep his marriage intact.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I wouldn’t tell him until I’m in labor. I’d send a video text “I’m having your baby you cheating bastard”

Adam1978 · Answer

Don't ruin your life by having this entanglement. Nothing good will come out of it. You don't want to have a kid with a guy like that.

Lynx122 · Answer

Wow that's a difficult situation. I think you have to tell him and deal with the consequences.

Adam_Badry · Answer

Of course you should, it is your baby, and I really hope things get fixed caz that seems like a messy

LiamJHayden · Answer

So he did not let you know he was married. Sorry, but you probably need to get legal assistance in order to secure child support. And do not worry about his marriage, because he did this to himself.

Anonymous · Answer

that's a terrible situation. he does deserve to know tho... you can get child support because it's unlikely you will just be getting by by yourself.

tfan1 · Answer

Tell him. If he runs, confront him with a dna test. He can’t ignore that. I can’t believe that someone who is married would cheat on his wife like that!

Nikki1989 · Answer

Whether you choose to have the baby is up to you, but you should tell him and his wife but prepare for fireworks.

MackBoy · Answer

If you are rich and you can support the baby, then you don't need to kill the baby. make sure you have enough money for your child and try looking for job

Redeye69 · Answer

You are way behind the ball on this one. Yes. Get him to pay support too. If he is stupid enough to cum in you while married then he can learn how not to be stupid by paying support for the next 18 years.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

I guess now another person is involved - your baby. And they have the right to know their father.

exitseven · Answer

Get an attorney, get a paternity test. Make sure he steps up and supports his child.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't tell him. He didn't tell you about him being married so you don't owe him that. And you're probably doing the baby a favor by him not knowing what kind if a dad he has.

In_Trance · Answer

Yeet!!

imfreeze95 · Answer

I would say he has a right to know. I speak from experience my mother had me out of wedlock and it’s always been a sore point for me.

mommymommymommy · Answer

Abortion, according to republicans, is only legal, for black people

serious_miss419 · Answer

It’s none of his business. Also u had unprotected sex with a married man, it’s all on you.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you, by chance, independently wealthy and able to afford raising a kid on your own with no assitance?

Twalli · Answer

Tell his wife the piece of shitvlnocked you up.

MrShaun · Answer

I'm sure you won't like the opinion, but you shouldn't be having sex before being married.

Kiss_Me · Answer

Tell him, AND his wife.

Wise4myage · Answer

Yes, and tell his wife too.

dudeinohio · Answer

Yes you should tell him. Immediately

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Yikes what a mess

I'm pregnant with my married boyfriend, I won't have an abortion, should I tell him I’m pregnant?

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