Boyfriend pressuring me to get pregnant but I'm not ready?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend wants a baby so bad. It's something that he's been talking about a lot, he's even dated women with kids in the past. Since the beginning I have voiced my opinion about waiting until I am financially stable before starting a family and waiting until I've travelled and spent more time with him. He keeps grilling me about getting off the pill and I don't want to. I like being childless for now. There's a lot of things that we do together that we wouldn't be able to do with a child and I don't think he realizes that. He sees babies and he thinks "cute and fun" but he doesn't realize the responsibility and sacrifices that you make for them. He's 2 years younger than me on top of that which especially makes me why a guy his age is in such a rush to be a father. What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Well, first thing, he is waaaaay out of place pressuring you to have children before he puts a ring on your finger. You need to set that boundary right quick. Any talk you have of children is to remain theoretical until you are married, with a sizeable nest egg saved. You are right to want to bring a child into financial stability.

Consider having an IUD or Implants which have a long life span and say "we are not going to be having children for the next 5 years. End of discussion" Makes it much harder for him to pressure you if it's not just as simple as stopping pills.

I'm serious. You are doing what is responsible, and you should keep doing it as long as you can.

I had expected to and wanted to have children at one point in my life, but I have very strong ideas on what it takes to properly raise a child, including having a stay-at-home parent. I was just never in a situation where that would have been economically feasible with either of my husbands. I am now glad I did not have children, and most likely can't now.

[btbc92]

Age has nothing to do with it. If he feels like he's ready now then he's ready. However, while I don't agree with premarital sex and having children out of wedlock, it is very clear that he knows what your terms are. While you can never have enough money to support yourself and the child, the point is character shows that he is not psychologically understanding the consequences of having a child at this stage in your life. You both aren't married for one, and number two he is not the one who will have carry a child to full term 9 months. I could understand that as you get older it does become difficult to raise children besides even conceiving them. He is in no position to be pressuring you about anything. Matter of fact, you shouldn't be having sex with him period. If he can't come to grips of what the responsibilities going to be, then tell him that the relationship needs to be over.

[GingerGuy]

You are being very smart and stick to this. Maybe get a little firmer with him now. He needs to respect your decision/opinion as you do his. If it's getting to the point that it's "annoying", tell him point blank to stop and that the discussion is over for now. Stick to it, don't give in just because he's pressuring you. If he cares, he'll stop. You need to let him know that you know what he wants, but his constant "nagging" is really bothering you now and he needs to stop and respect your wishes. Also talk to him about all this, the responsibility and sacrifices it takes. Ask him why he's in such a rush. He needs to understand it's not "fun and games" and that it's a very serious thing to consider.

[Streamhopper]

I stopped at "boyfriend". You should be "wife" before you get to that point. You're absolutely right to want to enjoy your youth and do things; you can try explaining things to him (which I suspect you have) but I doubt it'll do much good. But the dark side to things is what happens if things don't work out between you? He's responsible emotionally and financially. Kids are an 18 year commitment, but truly a lifetime commitment. They aren't like puppies and kitties. Maybe he should get a pet to keep him occupied?

[Whatthefluff]

Tell him you guys have to get married first

[TheGoodGuy1337]

Do not get pregnant unless you're financially stable, you got your own living place and you're planning on getting married soon. Personally I suggest you get pregnant after you get married. Say, if you get pregnant, how do you know he won't ditch you in a year?

[Robsinsf53]

Just stay planted firmly in your desire to wait. Or show him my response to your question. First I wouldn't change a thing. I liked growing up with my dad. He's 75, I'm 53 so he taught me sports. I too want a baby but, by the time I was 19, a year out of high school. Luckily my g. f. also wanted a baby. My parents said dont do it and so did hers. Well my daughter was born on March 17, St. Patrick's day of 1983. I had my daughter at 19 years. and a couple days old. My now wife at the time agreed to be a stay at home mom. My friends were no more. I didn't have a social life. Fuck, I did not have a marriage. I had a job, not a career. I was attending college at night to further my self. My wife saw me every morning @ 5am when my alarm went off. Later she told me other then that, she'd have sworn she was single. I didn't see it. I could finish on another couple of pages but, I think I'm out of characters.

[lMike]

yeah u need to grill his ass about this. just tell him as boldly and as firmly as u can, ur views on the matter. im a father and if there's one thing i would change about it is the timing thats it. in 25 years old and not in the best position financially. you need a solid foundation when u have a baby and u need to both be ready for it. if he persists and persists i honestly would kick his ass to the curb. if he can't respect the biggest decision of ur life how can he respect the lesser ones?

[deaston]

Absolutely correct

[Anonymous]

I would give up on you as a barren lost cause and go after a girlfriend who actually wants kids, instead of one who hates them and who'll always put herself first. Waiting until after you're thirty to conceive a baby has a greater negative impact on that baby's genetic health than conceiving a baby as a teen with your first cousin. There's a big sacrifice that's being made when you wait as well- difference is, it's not self-sacrifice. You're instead sacrificing your future child's health on the altar of your hedonism, wanderlust and career ambitions. If you like being childless, don't ever want to get off the pill or run the slightest risk of getting pregnant because you're just that scared of the responsibility and sacrifices which come with being a parent, then you aren't suited to be a mother, and thus aren't suited to be a wife. Probably the reason why he'll never get engaged with you or put a ring on your finger.

[Asker]

You're a moron

[Opinion Owner]

Hit too close to the mark, I see. Classic response.

[VillainNumberOne]

30 is fine. 40 is when it starts getting dodgy.

[deaston]

Dude, you're an idiot. You don't have kids if you don't have the means to support them. You couldn't even write that bullshit without being hidden because you know you're talking complete shit. You are proof that some people never mature. That, or you are indeed an idiot.

[Opinion Owner]

@VillainNumberOne No, 40 (or technically, 42) is the stage when the increased chances of the baby you conceive having a genetic disorder become as bad or worse than they would be for the baby of an 18 year old daughter who got impregnated by her own father. That's a hell of a lot more than 'dodgy'.

[Opinion Owner]

@deaston It isn't about being HIM not having the means to support them though, it's about HER not wanting to have them when SHE doesn't feel that SHE'S financially stable enough to support them HERSELF, on her own. And also that SHE wants to travel the world and have fun, and SHE doesn't want to deal with any responsibilities. White Knight to the rescue all you want, but you're the one taking the immature stance of opening with playground insults, and making idiotic assumptions about the guy in question who we know next to nothing about. He wants kids, and be a dad- aren't men allowed to want kids, or be fathers? She doesn't want kids, and quite possibly doesn't ever want to have kids. They're incompatible, and they're not married. Obvious answer- break up and go their separate ways. And that's what I'd say to either him or her.

[deaston]

If a parent isn't ready to have kids, you don't have kids. it's that bloody simple. Nothing to do with being a 'white knight', asshat. The fact that you don't understand why, you should not have kids if you're not ready shows you are either immature or are dumb. Yes the guy can want kids, it can't just be him wanting them. When a parent does not want kids it can leave the poor kid with a really shit life. I have nothing more to say if you can't even recognise that. Playground insults? White Knight certainly fills that criteria. Try again.

[Opinion Owner]

@deaston Which is why I'm saying that he should dump her and move on to a woman who does want kids. What's wrong with that? SHE'S not ready- he is ready. The guy can want kids, but it can't just be him wanting them, and given that his current girlfriend, the asker, doesn't want them, he needs to look elsewhere for someone who does. Anything immature or dumb about that argument, which is practically the same as yours? Or do you just want to call me an idiot asshole piece of bullshit asshat some more? By all means, feel free to do so, if it makes you feel better about yourself.

[deaston]

I've never said that them splitting up is wrong. If he is so eager for a kid then I actually agree with you. What I disagree with is that you were being completely disrespectful simply because she does not want a kid at this moment. Feel better about myself, for what? By your logic then, what did you need feeling better about? You were slagging off the asker for little justification...

[Opinion Owner]

@deaston I wasn't slagging her off- I was simply setting out my opinion with complete honesty, without mincing my words or making an effort to moderate my own comments. If not making an effort to be respectful is the same thing as being disrespectful, then yes, I fully admit to being disrespectful. But I had nothing to do with making myself feel better- if spoken, I would have been saying it in a perfectly calm and flat voice. Because I'm just making a detached observation.

[cattertone]

Stick to your position on this matter. babies may be cute and fun, but they are also exoensive and time consuming. if you still want to live tour life to its fullest before you have a child he needs to accept that and stop pestering you. plus if you have a baby he could realize it was a mistake and try to leave you.

[Dme500]

tell him to fuck off. as a woman you pretty much make the decision on whether or not a child comes into this world.

if you're not ready, your not ready. dont let him pressure you into anything.

[Underduress]

This sounds like a basic deal breaker for both. You two are incompatible. Dump him asap because it will just happen later.

[suryanarayan]

if he z ur boyfriend then u should not and even if he z ur husband , then also it's ur choice bt u have to make him understand y ur nt ready

[oldoldold]

no ring no. plan no concern for you

no him bye bye

[nikviv007]

Well.. Just Relax.. You're the one who has to go through all the process.. so it's not an individual decision.. you need to decide it as a couple.. both of you should be ready.. any one of you being even a 0.01% unsure.. that's a No-Go..

[Anonymous]

You should try to find someone in need of a babysitter for a weekend or longer. He might change his mind after realising how much work babies and kids really are.

[deaston]

Well if you're not ready just say no. Simple. it's your choice, not his. He isn't the one that has to go through it...

[jimcool]

Support You veiw if u are not ready to be a Mother yet

[jacquesvol]

If youfeel you aren't ready, be sure to take you BC. And keep Plan B at hand, in case of accident.

[Anonymous]

He's so immature and rude. How can he force you like that? I would dump his stupid ass

[Walrus_au]

If you're not ready, you're not ready. nothing wrong with that.

[Justinaveragedude]

Tell him to quit being a bitch. If he wants a baby so much he can carry it.

[Nicisanerd]

Honey, its YOUR body. And YOUR choice. I reallt recommend you talk to your mom dad or councilor about your problem too tho. But stay safe hun.

[Vyxzuw]

He's your boyfriend, not your husband.

[khayware]

If your relationship with him is more longer than other womens , Agree
if it was short Disagree

[VillainNumberOne]

If you don't want one yet, tell him straight and to his face. It's your decision too.

[imakeusquirt420]

let him fuck u in the ass, he'll be over getting u prego for a while

[WhatTheFutureHolds]

Buy him a doll that cries and pisses

[Sabretooth]

shouldn't unless you're married , anyway.

[derp242]

birth control

[Reddwolf]

kick him to the curb

[wagdi]

don't be

[karl9]

run...