Boyfriend pressuring me to get pregnant but I'm not ready?

Question

My boyfriend wants a baby so bad. It's something that he's been talking about a lot, he's even dated women with kids in the past. Since the beginning I have voiced my opinion about waiting until I am financially stable before starting a family and waiting until I've travelled and spent more time with him. He keeps grilling me about getting off the pill and I don't want to. I like being childless for now. There's a lot of things that we do together that we wouldn't be able to do with a child and I don't think he realizes that. He sees babies and he thinks "cute and fun" but he doesn't realize the responsibility and sacrifices that you make for them. He's 2 years younger than me on top of that which especially makes me why a guy his age is in such a rush to be a father. What would you do in this situation?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, first thing, he is waaaaay out of place pressuring you to have children before he puts a ring on your finger. You need to set that boundary right quick. Any talk you have of children is to remain theoretical until you are married, with a sizeable nest egg saved. You are right to want to bring a child into financial stability.

Consider having an IUD or Implants which have a long life span and say "we are not going to be having children for the next 5 years. End of discussion" Makes it much harder for him to pressure you if it's not just as simple as stopping pills.

I'm serious. You are doing what is responsible, and you should keep doing it as long as you can.

I had expected to and wanted to have children at one point in my life, but I have very strong ideas on what it takes to properly raise a child, including having a stay-at-home parent. I was just never in a situation where that would have been economically feasible with either of my husbands. I am now glad I did not have children, and most likely can't now.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Age has nothing to do with it. If he feels like he's ready now then he's ready. However, while I don't agree with premarital sex and having children out of wedlock, it is very clear that he knows what your terms are. While you can never have enough money to support yourself and the child, the point is character shows that he is not psychologically understanding the consequences of having a child at this stage in your life. You both aren't married for one, and number two he is not the one who will have carry a child to full term 9 months. I could understand that as you get older it does become difficult to raise children besides even conceiving them. He is in no position to be pressuring you about anything. Matter of fact, you shouldn't be having sex with him period. If he can't come to grips of what the responsibilities going to be, then tell him that the relationship needs to be over.

GingerGuy · Accepted Answer

You are being very smart and stick to this. Maybe get a little firmer with him now. He needs to respect your decision/opinion as you do his. If it's getting to the point that it's "annoying", tell him point blank to stop and that the discussion is over for now. Stick to it, don't give in just because he's pressuring you. If he cares, he'll stop. You need to let him know that you know what he wants, but his constant "nagging" is really bothering you now and he needs to stop and respect your wishes. Also talk to him about all this, the responsibility and sacrifices it takes. Ask him why he's in such a rush. He needs to understand it's not "fun and games" and that it's a very serious thing to consider.

Streamhopper · Accepted Answer

I stopped at "boyfriend". You should be "wife" before you get to that point. You're absolutely right to want to enjoy your youth and do things; you can try explaining things to him (which I suspect you have) but I doubt it'll do much good. But the dark side to things is what happens if things don't work out between you? He's responsible emotionally and financially. Kids are an 18 year commitment, but truly a lifetime commitment. They aren't like puppies and kitties. Maybe he should get a pet to keep him occupied?

Whatthefluff · Answer

Tell him you guys have to get married first

TheGoodGuy1337 · Answer

Do not get pregnant unless you're financially stable, you got your own living place and you're planning on getting married soon. Personally I suggest you get pregnant after you get married. Say, if you get pregnant, how do you know he won't ditch you in a year?

Robsinsf53 · Answer

Just stay planted firmly in your desire to wait. Or show him my response to your question. First I wouldn't change a thing. I liked growing up with my dad. He's 75, I'm 53 so he taught me sports. I too want a baby but, by the time I was 19, a year out of high school. Luckily my g. f. also wanted a baby. My parents said dont do it and so did hers. Well my daughter was born on March 17, St. Patrick's day of 1983. I had my daughter at 19 years. and a couple days old. My now wife at the time agreed to be a stay at home mom. My friends were no more. I didn't have a social life. Fuck, I did not have a marriage. I had a job, not a career. I was attending college at night to further my self. My wife saw me every morning @ 5am when my alarm went off. Later she told me other then that, she'd have sworn she was single. I didn't see it. I could finish on another couple of pages but, I think I'm out of characters.

lMike · Answer

yeah u need to grill his ass about this. just tell him as boldly and as firmly as u can, ur views on the matter. im a father and if there's one thing i would change about it is the timing thats it. in 25 years old and not in the best position financially. you need a solid foundation when u have a baby and u need to both be ready for it. if he persists and persists i honestly would kick his ass to the curb. if he can't respect the biggest decision of ur life how can he respect the lesser ones?

Anonymous · Answer

I would give up on you as a barren lost cause and go after a girlfriend who actually wants kids, instead of one who hates them and who'll always put herself first. Waiting until after you're thirty to conceive a baby has a greater negative impact on that baby's genetic health than conceiving a baby as a teen with your first cousin. There's a big sacrifice that's being made when you wait as well- difference is, it's not self-sacrifice. You're instead sacrificing your future child's health on the altar of your hedonism, wanderlust and career ambitions. If you like being childless, don't ever want to get off the pill or run the slightest risk of getting pregnant because you're just that scared of the responsibility and sacrifices which come with being a parent, then you aren't suited to be a mother, and thus aren't suited to be a wife. Probably the reason why he'll never get engaged with you or put a ring on your finger.

cattertone · Answer

Stick to your position on this matter. babies may be cute and fun, but they are also exoensive and time consuming. if you still want to live tour life to its fullest before you have a child he needs to accept that and stop pestering you. plus if you have a baby he could realize it was a mistake and try to leave you.

Dme500 · Answer

tell him to fuck off. as a woman you pretty much make the decision on whether or not a child comes into this world.  if you're not ready, your not ready. dont let him pressure you into anything.

Underduress · Answer

This sounds like a basic deal breaker for both. You two are incompatible. Dump him asap because it will just happen later.

suryanarayan · Answer

if he z ur boyfriend then u should not and even if he z ur husband , then also it's ur choice bt u have to make him understand y ur nt ready

oldoldold · Answer

no ring no. plan no concern for you  no him bye bye

nikviv007 · Answer

Well.. Just Relax.. You're the one who has to go through all the process.. so it's not an individual decision.. you need to decide it as a couple.. both of you should be ready.. any one of you being even a 0.01% unsure.. that's a No-Go..

Anonymous · Answer

You should try to find someone in need of a babysitter for a weekend or longer. He might change his mind after realising how much work babies and kids really are.

jimcool · Answer

Support You veiw if u are not ready to be a Mother yet

deaston · Answer

Well if you're not ready just say no. Simple. it's your choice, not his. He isn't the one that has to go through it...

jacquesvol · Answer

If youfeel you aren't ready, be sure to take you BC. And keep Plan B at hand, in case of accident.

Anonymous · Answer

He's so immature and rude. How can he force you like that? I would dump his stupid ass

Walrus_au · Answer

If you're not ready, you're not ready. nothing wrong with that.

Justinaveragedude · Answer

Tell him to quit being a bitch. If he wants a baby so much he can carry it.

Nicisanerd · Answer

Honey, its YOUR body. And YOUR choice. I reallt recommend you talk to your mom dad or councilor about your problem too tho. But stay safe hun.

Vyxzuw · Answer

He's your boyfriend, not your husband.

Boyfriend pressuring me to get pregnant but I'm not ready?

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