My boyfriend dumped me because his mum didn't approve of him being with me after 2 years of being together.

[Anonymous]

I am devastated. Today my boyfriend of 2 years told me that this between us had to end, when I asked him why he told me well you know my Mum doesn't like you, well she said she wants me for someone else and she said she will not except you as my wife, as we discuss marriage.

We love each other a lot and the only problems we have are from his Mum, thankfully she lives in Pakistan, my boyfriend is Pakistani but I'm not, although he's very westernized as he grew up in a western country. I am so hurt I love him so much, but in his culture approval by the parents for the son's wife is very important, without the marriage can not go ahead he said. I think it's sick and I told him what I think of it. I called him a coward for not being able to stand up for himself, but he simply told me I can't do anything I tried and I convinced her for 2 years, but today when I spoke to her she ways crying saying she doesn't approve of you and wants me for someone else. I knew then she is manipulating him. I am so hurt and angry that I don't know what to think. I don't know if I am more angry at him or his Mum. I love him so much I don't want to lose him. He says this is his culture and he tried his best and has no other choice as his Mum is the decision maker, which I think is sick!

Please help me, I don't know what to do?

[Anonymous]

Move on. Just be happy that your parents don't control your every decision. You can, and will, find someone else who's family is happy that their son has found a good person and accept you 100%. He will live the rest of his days in a prison of his parent's making. The standard answer to the question of "Why wouldn't they be happy for you" is always "They love me so much and only want to best for me"… Really? Whatever. If you did manage to attract him away from his family, he would blame you for the rest of your life. Men from these group based cultures need their families. They can not live without their contact. They have never learned how to live outside the group. Even if he is westernized, it just runs too deep. if you happen to get an agreement from them, you're going to be a target the rest of your life. You will never be good enough for them. Please, for the love of God. Run!! Don't subject yourself to this. I'm sure he does care about you and he is surely upset, but love does not conquer all in this case. This is why these cultures typically don't date non-members. This is exactly what happens. He obviously wants a different life. You are the type of person he wants, and he tried, but in the end he will always go back. You didn't grow up this way and think it's sick. It's not sick, just different. Personally, I couldn't live like that either and have lived this exact situation, but know it doesn't pay to get what you want here. Yes it's hard not to take it personally. I know! But do you take it personally that the sun rises in the east? It's just the way it is…
The main thing is that you had a person in your life for 2 years that you loved. Realize he does care about you, and for you to get this far, he did care, but it is hopeless. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Ask yourself what the lesson was for you, learn it and don't repeat it. Good luck and I hope you find mutual respect and love.

[sosaya]

Same thing happened to me 2 years ago, but we were together for 5 years and he couldn't do anything, he is a loser! I tried to make him stronger so we could stay together but he couldn't say no to his mum!!
Believe me, you don't need a guy who can't make a decision of his life by himself!!
NOW he is engaged to someone of his mum choise, he texted me & said he is not happy & he still in love with me but he can't leave the other girl for his mum! I stopped replaying him coz he is now ring disgusting now, i really loved him but after all of that i am fine without him. And you will be!
he doesn't deserve you, he is not strong to keep you, he is the loser and will always regret what he have done now.

I wish you the best, be strong!

[xxOiloveyouxxO93]

His mom can't tell him who to love they are his feelings not hers if he really loves you no one can stop him. But you can't force him to be with you if he wants to listen to his mom. But mayb he will grow some balls and stand up for the one he loves. If I was you just talk to him see what he wants and if he comes back it was ment to be if not then there is more fish in the sea who won't leave you if there mom says to there are many boys out there I hope it works out for you

[Anonymous]

Moving on seems the most logical solution. These type of moms that keep their boys/girls "under her skirt" involve a lot of neural degradation.

[Thiezz]

I see two options, either move on and find another boyfriend, or hire someone to assassinate his mother.

[Anonymous]

You know... I'm a Pakistani girl... I too was with a Pakistani boy abroad for 4 years, the only difference between us was that I am a city girl and his family was from a more conservative village sorts. But other than that... we thought we were good to go.

His family had other plans for him though, had him betrothed to his cousin and was given the choice of either being with me and being kicked out of the family or marrying her.

Guess which one he picked...
It took me 6 years to get over that heartbreak sort of, don't know if I will ever fully recover
but 6 years down the line I am a better person, I've achieved far more in life and I have recently met someone that is beyond my wildest dreams of happiness. Unfortunately he's American so I'm pretty sure I'm setup for heartbreak round 2 since his family is dead against it :)

[emilyzenella]

t really is the culture. I know it sucks but there's really nothing you can do. The only possible thing would be to try to convince him that love is all you need and he can shun his family and marry you. But that is going to be very difficult.

[Luna-o3o]

I think he is using that as an excuse to end things with you.

[sweetjames]

if Girl is grownup she should take her own decision for life parter rather than getting influenced by someone advice. if she can't makeup her mind. she is not perfect for you for have good and trustworthy life togeather