My boyfriend which I have just recently started dating and who is also a family friend, dumped me tonight. He recently lost his grandfather and his older brother is part of a gang and is in prison .we argue often about him and work and not being mature or taking me seriously etc. he has begged for chances etc.
tonight he dumped me and told me to get out of his house and that I wasn't welcomed there anymore. He got me to delete everything from my phone, number, msgs.
I have been there through all this and hand made such am effort I respect him help him cook and clean and drive around.
And tonight I told him I'm sick of him being so nieve and when he was talking about kids I said I don't want my kids being associated with that stuff especially since his brother has no intention on changing his life Around I said I put my kids first and that they would b respectful and nice when needed but I wouldn't want them constantly around that lifestyle. He makes excuses for his bro and thinks I called him a criminal.
I'm the one that encourages him to go visit him etc but it takes a toll that I can see him always stressing and giving money and believing the bullsh*t. It takes a toll on the relationship and honestly he just sounds so immature and it's one thing not to agree but to yell and kick me out is immature and rude.
I don't know what to think or do , I'm not saying to get back together nor do I think he will try even though he says he loves me.
But now it's on bad terms and for our families sake I don't know what to do. In a way I think he's just in denial and knows deep down OK right but I don't think he will realize and even if he does what's done is done.
What do you think?
If you meet a guy that shows you one side and his views were different on the subject and he wasn't lazy and was working etc. I think I have to right to be annoyed, because I'm not trying to change him just trying to understand where that person went .
Most Helpful Guy
I know you're in some pain right now over this, and you probably won't like what I have to say, but I'm saying it so that you can learn to direct that pain at the right place, and learn the right lessons from it.
You CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. You must always, ALWAYS remember this. Most people never change, and the few that do only change when THEY want to, never for someone else.
You also need to realize that in the beginning of a relationship, most people are on their best behavior and trying to show the best side of themselves. That's why you can't allow yourself to invest yourself emotionally into someone too soon; you need some time to get to know them first. Part of that process is learning about their current situation, whatever that may be. In your case, that means a serious criminal element and, perhaps more importantly, his tolerance of that. That's a HUGE red flag, but instead of taking action right away and breaking up with him, you continued to move forward with him, and instead tried to get him to change, after it was clear that he had no intention of doing so. That's a big mistake. When you find a red flag in a relationship, it has to be addressed immediately, and if the problem isn't fixed quickly, then you MUST be strong enough to end the relationship and move on.
Him not making an effort to get a job is another red flag. Again, it's YOUR job to either accept it or end the relationship, after a discussion fails to resolve the problem. You can't just nag and complain; that will get you nowhere.
You are better off without this guy, BUT the lesson here is that you need to be much more careful about who you pick to be your partner. You need to ask a lot of questions very early on, and you cannot afford to ignore any red-flags or deal-breakers, no matter how cute/hot he is or how lonely you are.
The only person in this world who is going to look out for YOUR interests is YOU, and if you don't do that, you only have yourself to blame.
The world is full of guys who will be far better for you than this guy. Take some time, get over your ex, and then start searching for a new guy. Treat it like you'd treat looking for a great job in a bad economy: it means EFFORT, and talking to a LOT of guys, and eliminating most of them quickly, and the best of them slowly, until you have one or two really good candidates. Don't sit at home and hope the right guy knocks on your door, or you may wait forever.1