My boyfriend held me down and raped me. Should I leave him?

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but it's not easy. We got into an argument and I admit I did get in his face and yell and then threatened to go be with someone else and dumped him. That's when he snapped - he said he lost control of himself and was so angry he couldn't think properly and he grabbed me and slapped me really hard repeatedly and then pushed me. I fell on the bed and saw him coming towards me so I started screaming calling him a piece of shit for hitting me and kicking him. That's when he grabbed my legs and pulled me towards the edge of the bed and pulled my pants down then he pushed my legs up to my shoulders and pinned them there but he put them in a way where my knees were smooshed up against my face and I couldn't move or barely breathe and he raped me. He just kept saying over and over that I wasn't leaving him and we're going to be a family and then he came in me. Afterwards he started kissing me and said I'm going to have his baby and we're going to be a family. I was so angry and hurt and the whole time I still couldn't even move or say anything because of the way he pinned my legs and I thought I was going to pass out. When he realized I had tears he let my legs down but still wouldn't move and had sex with me again. But I can't call the second time rape because that time I just laid there and didn't try to fight or say anything. I honestly was in shock. He came in me again and after he was done he left without saying anything and didn't come back until today. He's been crying about it all day and apologizing and saying he doesn't know what came over him or why he did it and is begging me to forgive him. I don't know what to do. We've been together for 4 years and I love him but I am so hurt by what he did I can't even look at him the same. He has never so much as even yelled at me before and it's like I don't know who he is anymore. I am blaming myself and scared of being a single mom if I'm pregnant. Please give me some advice
+1 y
I'm all over the place I'm sorry. I'm still in shock I guess. When I posted this I just wanted people to confirm what I already knew I guess which is leave. The thought of calling the cops never crossed my mind... Maybe because I automatically blamed myself. I'm not dumb but in this moment I feel very stupid to even be here. My feelings are all over place I just need to get my thoughts together. Thanks for the answers so far I won't be checking any more replies.
My boyfriend held me down and raped me. Should I leave him?
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