Boyfriend thinks I don't care.

[jab0324]

Last night my boyfriend and I had a discussion. He feels very hurt because he doesn't feel that I put in any effort to the relationship. He feels like he is going %90 and that %10 is too much for me. In my opinion, I thought I was putting in effort, I thought I was making him feel cared for and loved. He told me his love language is acts of service. I honestly don't know what I could do for him in terms of acts of service. My love language is quality time and he definitely fills me on that. I am just not sure of what I can do for him. We do not live together and I do not drive. He is the one always coming to my house, rubbing my feet when I get home from work etc. I try to cook him supper, or breakfast when he stays the night, I give him back rubs, and I use words to tell him I love him and that I care about him. I feel ashamed I am even asking advice on this, because I should know what I can do for him.. But I don't. Could you give me any suggestions on what I could do for him to show my appreciation? I wanted to clean his vehicle for him a couple days ago, but he got to it before I did. He said if I don't start putting in any effort, he will feel very hurt and won't' want to be with me anymore.

[Impex]

I used to have the same problem in my relationship, I felt like I was putting in all the effort, having to drive and pick her up and to work for 2 weeks at one point because her car, it seemed that whenver she was tired she didn't want to come to my house but I always went to hers.

Its possible that he's just feeling worn out, and perhaps stresed, how long has it been going like that? Have you and he reached the level of having sex yet? Talk to him, try and figure out what it is he feels your not doing for him and what you can do to fix that.

[Shaun]

You mean he's telling you that you aren't doing enough, but isn't giving you any specifics on what he would like to see done? You should be asking him what more you can do, then you need to decide if you want to do those things, IMO.

[jab0324]

Yes.. when I asked him last night. He looked at me kind of hurt and said "you don't know what I would like?"

We've only known each other a couple months

[Shaun]

It sounds like he's being unreasonable.

[lananoel]

Do you praise him? men looooveee. praise? Other than that my boyfriend likes

- cooking

- take initiative to make date plans

- Ask him about his day

- Do more listening than talking

- Be encouraging, understanding without judgement

- a cute thoughtful gift every once in awhile

That's all I can think of in forms of what a lot of us forget to do in relationships