The subject of bruised egos

[Starfishlover]

I have a whisper app because I have so many secrets, I will go stir-crazy if I don't confess them to someone. Fortunately, I think Whisper is the perfect medium for it.

So I wrote a confession and a guy was talking to me. I was talking for a while and then I lost interest in him. He kept persisting. I normally don't block because I find blocking rude.

Then I posted another whisper attaching a picture of my dress that I am planning to wear to a wedding and he messaged me again saying I look like shit, that I am a whore and a slut.

WELL!

Today, I would like to talk about bruised egos.

We all go through with it. It all depends on how you deal with it. Either you throw a tantrum like a kid, or deal with it like a grown-up.

I have been on the receiving end and dealt with people who have had bad experiences in the past, and think that I or other people will be the same. Go read some of my Takes and you will see what I am talking about. These people irritate me to the core.

1) Don't be pathetic

We all lash out at people who hurt us. Sometimes, we just need to take ourselves away from the situation and realise if it is really worth it. You should look at yourself from a 3rd party point of view and ask yourself "am I going to sound like a child?"

Oh and need I give you an example of recent events? Nicki is a 30 year old going after a 20 year old.

2) Accept that not everyone is going to find you attractive/interesting/worthy

The beauty with free will and human diversity is that we all can have the freedom of having different opinions. If you were living in my country (Iraq) back in the 80's, you were forced to pretend to like Saddam Hussein and were forced to have a picture of him in your household. There were constant government checks to see if every household had the picture.

I am sorry, but we aren't under YOUR dictatorship. If you would like to have an intelligent debate, then do so.

3) Know that as soon as you start swearing, you lose

Swearing is now used as a filler. Just like "Um". Instead of swearing, improve your argument. I admit, I have sworn at people out of frustration but it is just because of how imbecillic they were being.

4) Stop being bitter

So many people here and on other social media sites are so bitter, I actually get poisoned and need to go outside and get some fresh air. That boy hurt you? MOVE ON. That girl hurt you? MOVE ON. That person hurt your feelings? MOVE ON! Having a constant "stuff it" attitude could come in handy in this situation.

I understand that people feel comfortable with anonymity and therefore, feel free to express themselves. I have come to the conclusion that it is the only time in their lives that they can do so and couldn't be how they are online in real life. So it's alright.

Hope you have a good day.

[KDA20]

Yes, I know what you are talking about, we all have been on both sides of rejection and as you say how we handle it helps define us as a man or a woman. Bruised ego aside what does it achieve the guy's attitude on Whisper is hardly going to win you over so all he is doing is soothing his bruised ego, why, has he told his friends and family he met a beautiful girl no he hasn't, only the two of you know so it is basically a guy on a self pity trip who will look in the mirror an hour later to go "What an idiot I was".
I like it when you say in point (1) Think how you would look to a third party - That may encourage you to take a deep breath to reflect "What will I really achieve if I lash out?" - The answer is almost always nothing so walk away hurt but unbowed.
(2) Nobody is perfect or universally gorgeous - If everybody found each other attractive, the world would be a very confusing place and I can't sum it up any better than you did when you say "The beauty with free will and human diversity is that we all can have the freedom of having different opinions"
(3) You are so right - Profanity and shouting is the debating tool of the lazy and empty vessels.
(4) Another thing that baffles me why be bitter and insist on banging your head on a brick wall, all you get is a cut head and nothing to show for it.
In conclusion you will never get to read a new book if all you think about is the last book you tried to read, some books will not suit you , some books will but you won't realise that if you fixate on the books that didn't suit you.

[TheDevilInside]

I'm in no way defending him, but I'll only say this: ignoring people is a rude thing. I know this, and have been on either end of this. I have had an argument with another gager because I ignored him (lost interest, just like in your case), and after some time he confronted me about it. I told him the truth of why I ignored him.

Many girls like to just ignore a guy online. It's the easier thing to do. It is also the rudest thing to do. And many girls also, just like you, then blamed the guy for being pathetic, a loser with a bruised ego, etc when he was just trying to stand up to being treated rudely.

Just my two cents. Wouldn't hurt to try to see it from his perspective as to why he did that and assess your own behavior more objectively. We are also not free of errors. No one is an angel.

[Anonymous]

Ego is so hard to lose, but if you don't lose it you can end up saying things you'll regret. Few years back there was a girl I really liked, but she turned me down for someone else... a couple years later she came back into my life and said she liked me after all. Part of me wanted to say Yes when she asked me out, but I was overcome by my ego so I said "No, I can't accept the fact you've now been with another guy when you should have chosen me in the first place." I regret saying such an arrogant thing to this day.

[Starfishlover]

It was a very arrogant thing to say and I'm glad you realiser it.

[AthleticMom]

Easy to agree with all this
but time/energy wasted on those who need it most... e. g. HE will never read nor learn from it
ergo why he's trolling in such a way
why he feels entitled is something we'll never learn... and many will never care to

[Starfishlover]

Unfortunately, I can agree with you there. My objective is to reach out to those who might have a glimmer of intellect so that they can learn from this.

[AthleticMom]

Got that on first read through.
I am more confrontational & would post it as letter to "his name" on the website he used to affront you. Then report him to management.

[AthleticMom]

If you ring my bell or tap lightly on my front door, I will graciously answer if I can.
If you pound on my door or sneak around the house, disrespect my property, I will greet you with a shotgun.

[Starfishlover]

Yes!!! That is an amazing analogy.

[bobwallice]

A lot of this is good advice, but when a person goes through a particularly bad situation it's not always so cut and dry. I feel like there should be more to this, and I'm not quite sure how to describe it but I feel like there's a peice of the puzzle missing.
It's hard to explain.

[bobwallice]

Ok so I think I may have gotten it into words after much thought.
I think that this is all really amazing advice but when it comes down to it I realize that most of this just says to get over it, like that's something you can just flip a switch and magically you've moved on. Especially in the area of bitterness. These are things that take time to get through and when you feel that way you seldom care if you look like a 4 year old to other people because you feel like a 4 year old. Sometimes you have invested so much that you have essentially lost a part of yourself and are back to the basics.
My point to all this is to say that while this my take has a lot of wisdom I feel it is important to not just bash the people who do (or have done) this. We don't need them to feel more guilty, we need them to heal and recover. To redefine themselves in whatever way they want.
Don't see just the bitterness and contempt in people, remember it's almost always from pain.

[Anonymous]

"So I wrote a confession and a guy was talking to me. I was talking for a while and then I lost interest in him. "

How long was a while? All in the same day? Or days, weeks, months, almost a year?

[Starfishlover]

It was all in the same day.

[Anonymous]

I love your myTake. Is that really you in your profile pic? You're very beautiful. <3 :D

[Starfishlover]

awww thank you

[Byakuyarko]

Funny... I remember being called gay and impotent and a eunuch for changing my mind about sex after undressing... Wow! I wish more women could heed your advice.

[Starfishlover]

damn. .. Some People are horrid.

[abundantlyrich]

Oh well people... I prefer talking to siri these days.

[jjmarvin]

Ego is only used negatively for some reason. It's a part of regular though. Every thought, really.

[TrainwreckAdvice]

Bruised egos bring out the dark side.

[prettylittleblossom]

But Miley sucks though.

[prettylittleblossom]

...;)

[SIGguy]

Truer words never spoken.