Why I Call Him A She

[Stacyzee]

Intro story:

Howard mentally feels that he is a woman, but is trapped inside of a body he wants out of.

He constantly has been told by others he will never be a real woman, and should stay the way

God intended humans to be.

Howard is in conflict with his feelings because he comes from a religious background.

He is made to feel inadequate because he isn't living "the true Christian life" according to his family and peers.

Howard tries his best to live his life as a male but he cannot fight the urges that seem all too natural to him.

When he looks down at his body, he feels disguised.

When he looks at women walking by, he asks himself,

"Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this hell on Earth?"

Howard feels he is living a outer body experience because he is taking on a role society says he has to be, not one he feels his heart is destined for.

Howard grows into a deep depression and becomes suicidal.

"If my own body has to be a jail, then what good is living when I am internally dying?" he asks himself.

It took Howard years to muster up courage.

Courage is what would bring Howard closer to achieving his true freedom.

Courage is what would unlock the gates that covered his soul.

Courage is what would allow him to give love endlessly, even though that was something he

felt he never received from any one.

Each and every person shut the door on Howard, when he told them he is now living his life as a woman and wants to be called Edrei.

Ah, this wasn't just a random name Edrei had chosen.

This name defined her by every means.

Edrei was a name that meant the words strength and power.

This is what Edrei would need to face the harsh world.

What's in question:

I have a transgender friend who was biologically born a male. She currently lives her life as a woman and even went as far as getting her name legally changed. In years to come, she will have gender reassignment surgery when she has sufficient funds to afford it.

I can't help but notice when I speak about her in conversation to someone else,

I am constantly being corrected.

I am told "It is a he" not a "She".

I understand that you cannot convince the entire world that they should agree with that particular lifestyle, however last time I checked there is such a thing called respect.

You don't have to necessarily agree with someones personal life decisions to hold high regards for them.

Shouldn't we respect what other people want themselves to be called?

If Howard wants to be called Edrei shouldn't you do so?

If Howard would like you to stop calling him a "he" shouldn't you do so as well?

Does your personal feelings have to interfere with your level of respect for a fellow human-being?

Your individual feelings about their personal life choices is a whole different topic and raises a complete other issue.

At the end of the day a person is still a person.

Why should we forget that?

[Hidden_P]

I understand you're point but I disagree.

The same with paedophilia, I believe transgender should be discussed. But people start convincing themselves they have it too. So cases rise.

I honestly believe there are a few who truly feel they are trapped. I believe others are mentally ill - the ones who don't go through with surgery because they "can't face it"

While I understand your viewpoint I would like to describe an encounter I saw at work which I think really sums it up.

I used to work in a supermarket. And on this day, we had all tills manned (it was Christmas so we had all 20 tills on the go) and when it's like that, no offence but customers want to be out the door and cashiers want the queue gone. As a result, we flick our eyes and be as polite as can.
We've all had slips. But on this day, my colleague, S, said "Hi Sir how can I help?" While getting a bag (we have to say sir and Madame).
He/She is a well known crossdressor, used to come in with her (?) wife. He never shaved his legs and forgot his beard from time to time. So poor S had flicked her eyes, seen stubble and said Sir.
He went nuts and refused to be served by her ever again despite her apologising and saying it was an accident and all her fault.

To me, this defines the true illness with "wannabes". It was an honest mistake, I've done it to long haired men before and never been met with such violence.

[Stacyzee]

Well, I think pedophilia is a much bigger issue.
A trans isn't harming anyone, lets remember that.

The situation you described to me was a honest mistake. I don't agree with the flipout from the cross dresser.
Honest mistakes tend to happen.
It took me sometime to program myself to call a man a "she" when I am seeing a man no matter how well made up the person appears.
I really think this all comes down to simple respect, no necessarily whether you agree with the persons lifestyle or not.

[Stacyzee]

*not necessarily

[Hidden_P]

But I don't understand, a basic situation. Someone says they want to be called a woman not a man.

I want to be called a plane, even though I'm a human.
Will you accept me as a plane just because I ask?

[Stacyzee]

The example you are using is preposterous!
Again this discussion somehow goes back to what you "believe".
If someone wants to be addressed by a certain title how does that affect your life at all to make it into such a big deal?

[Stacyzee]

And here you are talking about accepting you as a plane.
I am not asking people to agree with the lifestyle as made clear. I am just saying if someone wants to be addressed a certain way then by all means what is the harm in doing so? Ones beliefs is a separate issue

[Hidden_P]

The harm is believing it's okay and teaching future children that.

Let's imagine a world without any simple rules like gender.'let's be honest. Kids will say they are a dinosaur or a plane or an oven.

We need basic rules to keep us grounded. I believe transgender is an issue FOR SOME. But if we raise a world of it's okay, we will end up with lots of confused, mutilated children unable to breed.

You say it isn't harming anyone but what will you say when you are in a nursing home with nobody to care for you but a confused dinosaur?

[Stacyzee]

I think you should read my response to the user below. If you do, you will see that I am neither against trans nor for it. I agree that people should just live the life they want to. I understand that it is a psychological condition. I also understand that as a human-being there is nothing wrong with showing understanding of it and sympathizing with it. I do believe that a trans woman will never be the same as one that is biologically one nor will she be ever. But since you want to bring children into this, I would tell my child to call people what they wish to be called. Opinions can be saved for debates and discussions. If I am Marie and I want to be called Becky, then by all means call me Becky. What good would arguing the name placed by my parents on my birth certificate do?
No one is saying dig in depths here.
Just call someone what they wish to be.
That is all.

[Hidden_P]

I see where you are coming from however I think transgender is a whole new box.

A name is a name. You can change your name because you don't like it, because you were raped, because you are married, etc. A name is indeed a name.

But most people do not refer to people as their profession. Nobody comes to me and says "Hello barista!"

People in a split second are defined by a few factors. Gender, hair, height. Let's face it, someone asks you to describe, those are the first three things.

I'm all for helping others and believing in others but I truly believe transgender is MAJORITY (not completely) a mental health issue. I believe children should be raised away from this issue so they can make an uninformed choice, just like the truly transgender.

I can call my child Marc. He wants to be Marcus that's fine. If Marc wants to be Marcia I have a bigger problem - is it the name he likes or the gender? is he questioning my parenting?

[madhatters4]

I'm confused by your first paragraph
"The same with paedophilia, I believe transgender should be discussed. But people start convincing themselves they have it too. So cases rise."

how are the similar? people are convincing themselves what? and what cases arise?
--as it pertains to transgender issues of wanting to be called he or she & and people who have sex with minors

[COMMODOREII]

It is my understanding that anyone can be anything they want in this country. In fact with the advances of medical science, i mean you can literally change your identity physically. A man to a woman, a woman to a man, a man to a vampire, a woman to vampire, the list is endless. You can physically change the sex organs, and survive, you can replace your teeth with fangs, you can add and take away. its actually quite interesting to see a person go as far as they do for their identity. As long as they dont force others to their way of life, and they harm no one, and try to live a life like we do everyday. Work, sleep, buy things, without killing pepople, and so on. Im all for it. I mean i remember some guy a while back decided to worship a sieve as his god. And that he would wear it on his head. I mean it really is interesting. What floats your boat. lol

[Anonymous]

I don't get how we're supposed to call someone the gender they feel like they are even if we don't believe it. That would be a lie, and in a completely free society, people should have the freedom of their own values and beliefs. By being told to call someone whoever they want to be called as even if we don't believe their lifestyle choices, isn't freedom. Real freedom is letting people make their own decisions and have their own stance and perspectives. If people want to change their genders and names, that's their own choice. If people believe what they believe and call them by the gender they want to be called as is their own choice. But if people don't believe that a person who was biologically born a certain gender can suddenly 'turn' to a different gender, they shouldn't have to feel like they have to call them by the gender theyre told to call them. That would be a lie and it wouldn't solve equality since it suggests that we have to have a certain perspective and belief and if we don't, than we have to pretend to be a person we're not just to make the majority happy. I don't like violence or anything like that towards anyone, but i dont agree that we're all supposed to think a certain way.

[Stacyzee]

No one is saying abandon your beliefs.
Although I have a trans friend, I still thoroughly believe me and her are not the same. A woman is born a woman. You cannot be one through surgery or hormone treatment, you just can't. However, in the same breath can you not realize it's a slap in the face to call someone what they don't want to be called?
For example: I can be a sex worker although you may not agree with my profession, does that give you the write to call me a "Whore" instead of the name that is listed on my birth certificate?
You see it's one thing to disagree with someones choices which every one is entitled to.
It's another to lack human compassion, empathy and respect.

[Opinion Owner]

by calling someone a she even though you don't believe they can be a she is a lie. By simply calling them by that is admitting that you believe in that, even though you don't. Why does there have to be respect through lying? I'm not saying that people shouldn't be whoever they choose to be, but I just feel like the idea of fighting for freedom is a lie since it's only one sided. I just feel like there needs to be a different system. For me, honesty is really important, it's what builds a real relationship. And if a relationship is built on a lie, than it's not even a real relationship. That's why I don't understand how people are bringing positivity through lying. For me, that doesn't seem like real acceptance if they don't believe that in their heartd. For me, it feels like the other person has a blindfold on if that makes sense. I understand your point of view, but I personally feel like calling a transgendered female as a she even though you don't believe that that person's a 'she'

[Opinion Owner]

creates an untrue relationship

[Stacyzee]

The thing is, most people think transgenders really don't feel the way they mention and are just mentally ill individuals. I don't believe that. My beliefs aren't a lie. I believe that what their going through is real to them. I believe that they are trapped inside of the wrong body. I also believe that they should do what will help them better cope. I also believe in respecting someone. You can be supportive of someone without being one who condemns them like I feel you are. There's a huge difference.

[Opinion Owner]

I already said that people can be whoever they want. I don't care if someone wants to change their gender and I'm certainly not going to go bully them. But I also don't like lying. Sometimes you can be supportive by telling people to have confidence in themselves, and to not let peoples' judgements rule how they behave. People judge all the time. People will always find something wrong in others. But it's the inner confidence that will make people move forward. I don't agree that being supportive means complying to everything people want us to do even though we don't agree with them. You can be supportive without being a liar.

[Stacyzee]

How is being honest with someones beliefs towards the subject called being a liar. You're not making any sense. You're just name-calling and that's childish. If someone is aware of where I stand on the issue, and they confide in me, I support and respect them. Where is the lie in that?

[Stacyzee]

True friends can agree to disagree and respect each others view points. That's called being real not a lie.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm saying the act of calling a trangendered person by the gender they want is a lie if you don't believe it in your heart, even if that person knows your views. Sure, it may be respectful for you, but it's still a lie

[Opinion Owner]

and what relationship is true if you're lying while the two of you know it? It may make your friend happier, but at the end of the day, you both know that you don't agree with that you're saying. That's what bothers me. Unless you agree that your friend is the gender he/she claims to be

[Stacyzee]

I disagree with your input of what you are referring to as a lie.
A lie to me is when you are deceiving someone else.
Simply sharing differing views on something is okay in any circumstance and is not a lie.
Anyway, we won't see eye to eye on this but thanks for commenting.

[Panay]

personally i think biologically he's a guy, and mentally/socially, forget about gender and act how you want. now if someone wants to be referred to using male or female pronouns, then I've got no problem with doing that. If they want to dress as the opposite gender, I've got no issue with that- but ill still consider them to be of their biological sex

[maybeamoose]

Just because it's what she wants, doesn't mean that others will agree. Personally, I've respected, and even been romantically involved with, trans people, but I understand that not everybody will always agree either way. I personally believe it's not a mark of disrespect to disagree, but it's not friendly. If these people are that against her, then what should she care. They clearly don't love her for her, so fuck them.

[Stacyzee]

I had a friend that was clearly an undercover gay. He would correct me when I refer to the trans as a she.
Even if he really didn't agree with the lifestyle (which is far from the truth) , why not call someone what they want to be called?

[Panay]

To me it's no different to if someone called harry asked to be called John.
I mean, you could just say no, fuck you I'm calling you Harry, or you could say ok fair enough I'll call you John

[Blonde401]

100% agree. Fantastic take. Let people be people and let them live their lives ❤️

[Anonymous]

If he feels like a woman, then he should go to the sex change operation. Otherwise, he is just a weirdo who can't make up his mind.

[anonman32]

i reject these hedonist ideas that seem so widespread nowadays.

[Tdieseler]

You could... but does society?

[madhatters4]

agree 100%
great take, very well written