Trigger warning
This is my take on depression.
It's like one day, you gradually started to lose both your sense of taste and your ability to feel full. And you don't know why, but now everything you eat tastes like bland mashed potatoes and nothing you eat is satisfying. You keep eating because you must eat to live, but the effort that it takes to prepare food is taxing and there is no payoff. You just know it will taste like mashed potatoes. You know you will still be hungry. So you stop bothering with seasonings. Then you stop bothering to use ingredients you used to like. Then you start to wonder what the point of eating is because there is no payoff. You still feel hungry and you're sick of the taste and you don't know if you will ever enjoy food again and you don't know why this is happening.
If someone comes up to you in this scenario and says, well have you tried spicing your food? Using different ingredients? Eating foods you used to love?" It isn't necessarily helpful because the reason you stopped doing all that in the first place is that everything tasted...like mashed..potatoes.
Being mentally ill is just being fed up with your own shit 24/7.
Depression is like trying to feel a potato with another potato. It's not fun and it doesn't work and you just wanna cry. And then people are like GOD why don't you just get a peeler??! And then they hand you ANOTHER freaking potato.
It's this unexplainable sickish feeling where you're not really sick and you don't really have a headache but you just feel wrong and you can't get comfortable or find something that you're really into but you kinda feel too ill to sleep or eat. It's like your body saying "I don't know what I want you to do but this isn't it"
Depression is not being able to take a pill without thinking about overdosing. You can't cross a street without wanting to jump in front of a car. You can't shave without wanting to slit your wrists. You can't walk along high things without wanting to jump. Every moment, every aspect, every vision of your life is changed by your depression and it is killing you. It makes you weak and vulnerable and the thoughts are winning. You're trapped in a brain that hates you.
But sometimes you're so happy and you're like 'wow glad I didn't kill myself 6 months ago.'
Hey. You got yourself.
You pick yourself up.
You catch yourself.
Fuck relying on anyone.
Who got you?
You got you.
To hell with society, who says that everyone is beautiful. But then they say, don't eat, you don't want to get fat.
You don't eat? Anorexic freak.
You don't think you're pretty? Attention seeker.
You think you're pretty? Conceited much?
You're depressed? Attention seeker.
You cut yourself? Still attention seeking.
You can't go on? How much more attention do you want?
Oh..they killed themselves?
OH they were so beautiful!! Society sucks.
You wouldn't yell at yourself for having cancer, right? So don't yell at yourself for being depressed. Be gentle with yourself.
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