Depression: What It's Really Like

[Anonymous]

I lay at bed at night feeling empty and alone. My husband is laying beside me and our daughter is in her crib by the bed. I feel numb. This cloud comes over me and I can't think straight. When this happens I wish more than anything I was dead. I wish more than anything I could just die and disappear. Everybody loves me until they get to know me and then they leave. I'm so certain my daughter and husband will.

I'm a failure as a daughter, all 4 of my parents have decided not to have a relationship with me. I feel like a failure as a mother and a wife. I know everyone would be better off without me. I think of very detailed ways of how to kill myself. I type out my goodbye letter in my head. I lay there and cry until I can no longer. My whole body shivers yet I'm not cold. I pop an antidepressant I just started 2 nights ago, hoping they will kick in soon.

Psychology Today defines depression as this: "A depressive disorder is not a passing blue mood but rather persistent feelings of sadness and worthlessness and a lack of desire to engage in formerly pleasurable activities."

Roughly about 40% of women suffer from depression in the USA today and about 9.5% of men. These statistics are based off of those people we know about. SO many people go without getting help or telling anyone. Men are just as likely to suffer from depression as women but are least likely to talk about it.

Depression is more serious than many people think. A lot of people like to joke about it. A lot of people talk about killing themselves like it's nothing big. A lot of people like to tell people suffering from depression to kill themselves. They like to joke about it. But these people do not know what it feels like to have a deep desire to die. They do not know what it feels like to need someone with them at all times to make sure they don't harm themselves.

These people do know what it is like to feel completely empty and numb. They do not know what it's like to feel like a failure. To feel crazy. To feel completely unwanted and unloved. They do not know what it feels like to be so numb and dark inside that you grab a pair of scissors and crawl into the bathroom tub, not knowing how those scissors got in your hands or how you got in the tub.

Depression is not to be joked about. It's not to be made fun of. It's not to be used as a ploy to get attention. Depression is a severe mental illness.

To those of us suffering, if you have not sought help for it yet, do now. You are not alone, no matter how much it feels you are.

[FashionQueen86]

I've had depression all my life, only it got a lot worse when I became an adult. And I didn't have a bad life, nor did I have bad people in my life. I just didn't feel very good about who I was. I don't think I'm really smart or intelligent. I've missed out on so much that others have done or that you would expect people to commonly do. Due to our finances all my life, it just made life hell and I didn't really get to live.

But I always feared that medication can just make it worse, especially the side affects it brings. Have you ever thought about aromatherapy, like buying an essential oil diffuser and using lemon oil? I read that in japan, they use lemon oil in the working environment becuase it helps their mood to be happier. And there are many essential oils that are like that, such as Myrrh and Frankincense. Plus I exercise, get out and listen to nature and some say yoga helps.

Depression is like the mind having a mind on its own; you can't control it, or have trouble controlling it, and it's telling you things that are not true, you end up believing them anyway. I'm sure there are SO many things we are so wrong about, but we insist in thinking depression is telling us to truth, but there are so many types of depressions.

It's like you know 2+2 = 4, but you're trying to figure out why it's equaling 9

[myTake Owner]

I completely see what you're saying. That's very very true. I actually have some lemon essential oil, I forgot that I had it until you said that! Thank you! I will definitely try it! You've given me some great ideas to try out. I really appreciate your help :)

[mits777]

Why do you get depression? You are also married why should you feel alone? I am all alone and don't go to depression. Don't do stupid things and think about suicide! NEVER GIVE UP NEVER NEVER !!! Don't be sad for anything, you are a failure if you think that you are one! Trust me, be a WARRIOR and never give up!!! good things await you. Try going to gym, run whatever keeps your mind away and relives stress. There are people who love you out there (after all you are married you shouldn't be alone as me, no girlfriend no one for me still I am strong willed and will change anything !!! )

[FallOutBoy2001]

Depression makes you feel alone. You can't control it, it just happens

[mits777]

@FallOutBoy2001NO. You are agreeing to my saying above that it is all mental. Depression is a state of mind in which you accept. I have lived through hell alone since I was 14 and I have always achieved my dreams and goals (still working for more!) because I NEVER GIVE UP to loneles, sadness. If your mind is strong you will know that sadness will prevail for 2-3 days then you will restart working on your dreams. You don't have to do drugs alchohol or other stupid things if you are sad or depressed, instead go run work out buy a dog etc etc. For a strong mind depression is something that goes too fast

[FallOutBoy2001]

Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means that you've got something wrong with your brain

[mits777]

@FallOutBoy2001 This is what the science wants youi to belive and it is true that it ischemical Imbalance. They want to sell you drugs for depression but you can reverse the process yourself. If we think the right way we can create many reactions in our body.

[FallOutBoy2001]

Ok then...

[mits777]

@FallOutBoy2001 You are just 15 years old loooool just saw it now. Trust me I have been throught hard times and lived alone since I was your age. It is all mental, be strong keep pushing forward. And all the best

[FallOutBoy2001]

Thanks I guess

[SilentShadow]

I'm familiar with the feeling of true depression. Anyone can fake being depressed or joke about it, but it is a nightmare for those that actually suffer from it. When I think about depression, I often compare it to drowning (also falling, but I'll just talk about drowning here). You are stuck beneath the water, alone, and you're slowly running out of air. Then, after years of being trapped underwater, you are awarded with the amazing feeling of finally breaking through the surface and being able to breathe again. Not everyone is fortunate enough to survive drowning, but I'm determined to try.

Depression captures you. It snatches you away from everything you once loved or valued. It rips the ground out from under your feet and sends you into an endless spiral of pain and misery. It takes all of your happy memories from you and leaves you with the bad. Depression is an absolute curse that I do not wish on anyone in the world.

... With that said, I've been depressed for a few years. I became depressed when I was 12 or so, and now I am almost 16. The years spent in middle school were the worst years of my life. My self esteem was lower than the ground itself, my father disowned/left me, I lost contact with nearly ALL of my relatives, my mother drank a lot at first and got her 2nd DUI, she became incredibly difficult to talk to about the smallest of things (I'd get yelled at for wasting her precious time), there was a lot of domestic violence because of her ex, I used to harm myself in every way I could, and all of my friends left me when they saw my cuts. Long story short, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade was really shitty for me. I'm a sophomore and I still don't have any friends.

When you're depressed, everything loses its meaning. You abandon your hobbies, you stop socializing, and you can't get a damn thing accomplished. For example, I have an 80 point project due tomorrow that I haven't even started, and I stopped doing everything that once made me happy. Why? There's really no point in doing any of those things. There is nothing I can learn/gain from doing the assignment (it's about LINES in PHOTOS), and my hobbies don't make me happy. In fact, every time I start to feel happy and try something new, I fall back into depression.

It is very, very, difficult to get out of depression, but never impossible. The easiest way for me is to get up super early, eat a healthy breakfast, then practice mindfulness at school (I'm taking a mindful movement class). Good luck.

[Unesjomajo]

Its the worst...
I've been depressed since one year now because of unrequired love.
I thought it would get better, I just need distraction, work, etc... But its not that easy. Even if you dont want to feel sad all the time, you just have no energy to change, its impossible for me. I feel like I weigh 1000 pounds, I can't do anything, there's no sense in anything, I feel like the biggest failure and I am just a burden for everyone around me. I lost so much weight, I am underweight now.

I've planned my death so many times, but somehow Im still scared to do it, cause maybe I won't suceed...

I cry for hours every day, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest, I can't even breath normally...

I thought I could handle it, but no, it is getting worse day by day and I still haven't managed to seek help because I feel like my problems aren't worth discussing over.

The best solution for me is to just kill myself cause the sadness is so deep in my bones, it became a part of me which I can't get rid of.

Im so done with myself...

[Pedro_N]

Depression... A topic so sensible, so extensive, so immersible... I once tried to be the savior of someone with it. You put all your efforts, all your warm words, unimaginable strength and will to help the person in need. And yet it seems that it won't go away. Like it's so attached that it has become a part of this person (and it really has). Soon you find yourself unable to fight this "thing". The moment where you ask yourself..."What am I fighting against? Why am I doing it? It's not my problem? Why and why?". It's the moment you deeply wonder it might be an endless fight. But you already fought so much! There where times you won those duels... You have overcame those battles! You slowly became a warrior. A warrior fights for a cause and to protect it's people. He keeps the head up and shares his enlightenment with the others. He teaches them to overcome the obstacles of life, to win their own duels, fights, battles! Trough his "career" he makes his path to what he loves more... Helping those in need... Because they are not alone.

I have been there... Had severe depression. You think it's lost. You have the constant idea that you are alone in this. No one understands you, neither they seem to care, life has no meaning, you have no meaning. LIES... They are around us, our closest friends! The family that most loves us! We can reach them, they are our warriors... They are the ones than can help us win this. Once you accept that you start to see a new path out of this, it slowly starts to get better... Tears become joy, happiness becomes excitement, and we are now trained and defeated depression! Is it over? NO. Now we go teach the others, help them... Give them a hand and our heart. Share our experience, our techniques, the moments you thought you had it lost but you won it right after!

Thank you for reading this beautiful person.
Great take, glad you have share this in the way it is! :)

[Anonymous]

I have anxiety and depression and I understand your feeling of emptiness. The way I describe it as being here because u have to be, not because u want to be. U don't care if u were here or not but u have responsibilities to the people around you. You feel as though ur standing still emotionless and the world just moves around you until one day it stops. You do what you have to do to get through the day. Sometimes you feel internally angry at nothing and exhausted and ur mind races and u hate ur life and yourself. Sometimes you think it may be easier if u weren't around and think of all the positives it would make such as your partner being with someone else that hasn't got depression and has more similar interests than you. Stuff like that. You feel numb like you don't care about anything of feel happy anymore, as I said like your standing still and the world flashes around you. So yeah it's a good idea to seek medical help if needed. I still have depression and anxiety that I can't fix because mine is partly caused by university and the wasted years it has taken from me and the feeling of lack of purpose in life. Is it to work to earn money and own a house and get married like the social norm and to retire and die. Seems like a lot of effort for nothing. These are the feelings that go through someone with depressions head.

Thank you for highlighting the issues with depression and the realness of the issue.

[FallOutBoy2001]

I suffer from depression. One of the kids I work with (he's 12) just told me today that he's suffering from depression as well, about as severe as mine (suicidal thoughts) There's nothing quite as bad as having to tell a kid that it doesn't get any easier, but that they need to keep on going.

I actually had to explain to a group of kids who were understandable worried about him and asked "is he still depressed?" That depression, especially for people like him, is lifelong and that he's not going to magically get better. It's not his fault, it's not anyone's fault, it's just that he has a problem with his brain.

[myTake Owner]

Awe my gosh... I hope I never have to look into my daughter's eyes and tell her that. Nobody should ever have to feel this kind of pain, especially not kids.

You did very good in explaining that. I'm so sorry that you're suffering from this and that he is too. You're very right about one thing. While it doesn't get much easier, you just gotta keep pressing on. I'm going to follow you and then you can follow me back. If you ever wanna chat, need support, advice, help, cry, laugh, anything, I am only a message away.

[FallOutBoy2001]

I'm kinda afraid of having kids because I know depression is partially genetic, and I don't want to have to tell my kid that I'm the reason they have depression.

I tried to explain it in a kid-friendly way, but at the same time not sugarcoat it. Depression is a bitch, no one deserves to have to live with it.

I might take you up on that offer one day :)

[myTake Owner]

Yeah :( We are worried our daughter might get it, I'm so worried. I'm hoping though she'll come to us about it so we can help her get the proper treatment. I'm going to feel extremely bad if she has it :(

Exactly!

Okay :)

[Nuala]

I feel like a lot of people don't know there's more then one kind of depression... It can be caused by a lot of things and there are levels of how severe the illness is. It can also come and go... Just because you have depression doesn't mean you're sad all the time.

I'm not going to go into my personal story because
A: I'm a teen and as such most people don't think it's serious or even believe me
And B: it's long and sad. Especially if I talk about my family, my brother and mom have It and my grandmother had it (she killed herself). It's called generic depression...

[myTake Owner]

I totally agree with you. So many people do not understand depression.

[myTake Owner]

I just followed you, if you follow me you can message me. I'd like to hear your story, I can relate to your depression, I believe you. ❤️

[Anonymous]

Great take. People need to take depression seriously and realize that it's not something that you can just turn off by flipping a light switch. If it was people would do it as soon as they could.

There's two types of depression. There's depression from having a tragic/bad event happen in your life. For example, I've been severely depressed as this girl I was seeing that I really liked rebounded me and ditched me after we had sex.

Then there's the kind that's unexplainable that people get diagnosed with. That's the worst kind because while a person could have a lot of good things in they're life, their depression happens.

[myTake Owner]

I agree. I've had depression come and go, I became very depressed when I was I think 12-14 year of age because I was having to go back and forth between my divorced parents' homes and it was hard being at my fathers. It eventually went away though, I think I was 16 when it finally did. It came back harder after I got cheated on by my now ex of 2 years. That went away on its own too though. It came back harder than that time after I gave birth and suffered postpartum depression and started taking Zoloft and then as soon as I felt better I stopped taking the medicine cold turkey. So now 7 months later it's back WAY harder than it's ever been. And I'm on Zoloft now but it hasn't begun working yet. But yeah, I completely understand where you're coming from. I feel really bad for those who have it their entire lives, from even when they were little.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow sorry to hear that. Have you gone to a counselor or psychologist?

Yeah I've had depression go on and off. The thing that sucks about depression is you could have other great things going on in your life and that one depressing event/depression in general can over shadow it completely.

It's like after I got rebounded, people said move on and get over it. Way easier said than done especially if you had feelings for the person and they made you feel special.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you. No, but I'm actually calling today and am going to see if I can get an appointment with one 😊 I want to get better so bad 😞

Right, exactly. Like wth my daughter. She's the absolute most cute and funny little thing, she's the light of my whole life. But some days I wish I wasn't a mom. Some days I wish I could just runaway. And it sucks. Like you said, you can having something SO great but depression can overshadow it 😞

Exactly. Someone can tell you to be happy and be better but it's a LOT harder than that. On my bad days especially, someone can say "be better! Smile!" And it doesn't work at ALL because you can't just wave your fingers and make it go away.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I hear ya. And it's like while you love your kid, I'd imagine parenting is a 2nd full time job, especially when you're not ready for it.

Yep, being happier isn't done by turning on a light switch. I've started seeing other women after I got fucked over by this last girl I really liked, hung out with friends and doing things I loved and it's helping somewhat but this situation is still in the back of my mind and made me feel worthless because I was led on, manipulated, and used.

[myTake Owner]

Oh yes, it definitely is.

That's great that it's helping somewhat! And yes, these things usually always are in the back of our mind :( Even when I'm really happy, that feeling is still there :(

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think I might have a harder time over getting this woman because we had so much in common and hit it off in so many ways compared to other women I've dated?

Not to put her on a pedestal but I did find it a relief to find someone like that before things ended the way they did if that makes any sense.

[myTake Owner]

Probably. I find the people that are really hard to get over are the ones we could connect with most. The ones we could relate with. The ones our heart drew closest to. The ones where there was just this almost instant unexplainable connection. it doesn't necessarily have to be that y'all had so much in common, but probably more so the fact you could really relate to her and there was just that really special connection.

[lushbomb]

im deppresed because heart break. its gotten better actually, but agh it hurts me a lot. this started in feb until now. seeing happy couples depress me because i think about what could have been and what probably never will. thats why i love sleeping. i just dream about what the "could have beens" and the time this guy and i spent together. in my heart it just doesn't make sense but im starting to let go. as i let go he comes in my life once more. its like life is telling me not to move on and that there's hope but i doubt it :"(

[mits777]

same, but I am iron willed and won't let anyone destroy my dreams. If a girl breaks up with me I will feel depressed and lonely for some days, but my inner self which NEVER gives up will recover and keep pushing forward until I reach my dreams. Only people who deserve us will stand by us in the end of the road, all the others don't deserve us. Work hard to show anyone that they made a grave mistake for leaving you.

[lushbomb]

@mits777 I've lost 30 ibs and im still going :) my plan is to lose another 30 by December. i get compliments everywhere i go. him and i dont talk that much. like in person its awk but he texts me a lot and it makes me happy, but i know i should ignore bc he;ll leave me :( i dont like that feeling. agh

[lushbomb]

thats nice!

[lushbomb]

is this depression? I've never been properly diagnosed. i just felt sad and would cry every night. my chest would hurt a lot. It comes and goes, but Im starting to realize that I should move on and ignore him. i dont cry as much but i feel like shit. i miss how him and i were

[lushbomb]

like i wish i could go back in time

[mits777]

Yes you shouldn't forget your dreams and goals for anyone!!! The person who will love you for real will support you and not destroy you. I see you are just 17 so keep focused on finishing a degree, training be healthy improve yourself and become better everyday. Many guys will beg you to get in a relationship for you ;) but you have to become the best you can be until the right guy comes.

[lushbomb]

@mits777 your reply made me cry tears of joy. thank you :) and yes! My studies are first. its my senior year and i should enjoy it ! :)

[mits777]

You are welcome ;) I have been throught hell when I was your age 17 and never gave up and it all paid in the long way all my hard work. Right now have finished MSc, got a great job, great body I have anything I ever worked but still not I am done YET!!! All the best

[lushbomb]

@mits777 2016 was a horrible year for me lol. and i hope i can say the same when im your age :/ thank you !

[mits777]

You will, don't doubt my words because I have passed through hell since I was 11 years old until last year. 2015 and 2016 were hell years too because of an accident and some other shitty bad luck, but still you know a bit of me :) that I NEVER GIVE UP. I am fine now and strong as fuck, actually becoming even stronger then before my injury both mentally and physically. The only thing that matters is YOU, if you want to invest do it only in yourself improve yourself read train etc etc.

[lushbomb]

@mits777 oh im sorry to hear about your injury ! hope all is well!! and i won't ever give up thank you ! fuck everything else honestly

[mits777]

thanks, I am almost fine as before now (check my picture here with my anonymous mask ;) can still planche and do other crazy exercises not bad at all lol). Through the years I have found out that the biggest strength we have is all mental, our bodies and heart does what our mind believe. If you believe that you will achieve something and work so hard you will achieve it.

[lushbomb]

@mits777 that is true! i started off running a block and i had to stop bc of how tired i was.. LITERALLY ! now running 4.5-5 miles in a piece of cake lol

[lushbomb]

@mits777 what im saying is that i told my mind to keep going even though my body wanted me to take a break

[mits777]

yup, you got it :D that was what I was talking about. And by the way nice keep running I like girls who train lol. It is amazing for your health and for your look too, you will look way better. I get my dog and run too a lot, other days I train calisthenics.

[lushbomb]

@mits777 it's* .. and wow you have an awesome figure!! hopefully i'll be able to pose like that one day !! :) and yes it is!! running is also a great stress reliever

[mits777]

haha never knew a girl posing like that in real life (that exercise is called planche) but of course you and anyone else can do it if your train for at least 3 years cuz it is hard as fuck lol :P. If you had me as a personal trainer you could do it within 1.5 years. Yup running iis a strees reliver and makes my thoughts clear, it is like talking with myself reflecting on the people around me, thinking about solutions to problems etc

[Death_of_rats]

depression is horrible. my mum has suffered with it in the past, and i was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and alcoholism 2 years ago. its been an uphill struggle every day for the last 5 years but im slowly getting better.

stick with it, i know its hard but you can get better.

[myTake Owner]

Oh wow! I'm glad you are getting better! Thank you so much

[Death_of_rats]

thanks, its not been easy and I've had numerous set backs but im getting there. you can too, just take it one day at a time :D

[myTake Owner]

Okay :) <3

[ayylamo]

I lay at bed at night actually being empty and alone. Nobody is laying beside me and I don't have any loved ones to think about. I feel numb. This cloud comes over me and I can't think straight. When this happens I wish more than anything I was dead. I wish more than anything I could just die and disappear.

[myTake Owner]

I understand that feeling very well :( I'm so sorry you know what it feels like.

[Dipsy]

I don't know if I have/had depression myself. I feel sad quite a lot of times, but I don't wish to be dead.

Anyways, here are some things I recommend:

I'd stop taking the antidepressants. I think drugs do more harm than good (read about side effects of antidepressants).
Instead, switch to more natural mood lifters:
- Exercise (I'd recommend to exercise as often as you want). Exercise really lifts your mood. Exercise as vigourisly as you can.
- Eat healthy. Drop all the junkfood, snacks and candy. Amp up your vegetable/fruit intake twofold, maybe threefold. Eating vegetables make you happier.
- Sleep well and early, and wake up early. The hours before 12 count as double
- Get a/some goal (s)/hobbies in life, it will motivate you to work towards that
- Help other people. Helping others lifts YOUR own mood greatly.
- Make people smile. It will make you smile as well

These are all scientifically proven to work by the way.
I hope it helps :)

[sugar95]

I suffer from depression on/off. However, I'm still 21 and a student. I can't imagine what it must be like when you have a stable life, married with kids. I hope you get all the help you need.

[myTake Owner]

Mine is off and on too. I always think "maybe it's finally gone!!!" But then it always comes back and it comes back harder each time :( Life was great until it hit again... now because of it I'm often moody which causes me to pick fights with my Husband and sometimes I regret being a mom. But that's just the depression. On my good days I'm in love with them both and things are perfect. I just hate the toll depression has on everything around us too :(

Thank you so much. I hope you do as well. I'm going to follow you so you can follow me back. If you ever need to talk about anything at all, I'm always just one message away.

[sugar95]

Exactly. So, now I feel like I should enjoy my happy phases but not let my guard down because it could come back any time. You're so blessed to have a husband and daughter. I think your family is what can remind you everytime to keep going. Thanks for following me! I'll follow you too.

[RainbowFanGirl]

I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts due to an abusive relationship and family issues. I ususally keep it to myself though because people don't understand and tend to say mean things about it.

[myTake Owner]

Some people are so incredibly stupid and ignorant. I am so very sorry you've been through and are going through these horrible things. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm going to follow you and you can follow me, you can message me anytime. My username is @BurCelf

[Saoirse_Nua]

With new anti depressants it takes a few days to kick in so I hope they help you - I hope you feel better, take care.

[myTake Owner]

These ones won't kick in for about 2-3 weeks but each day I'm one pill closer. Thank you :)

[Library]

I'm also suffering from Depression and it's hard. I feel alone because I'm a guy.

[myTake Owner]

It's so hard... you're not the only guy who suffers it. My husband suffers it as well. It gets as bad as mine, but he's suffered it his entire life. Mine comes and goes. You're not alone. I encourage you to get help if you aren't already getting it. I'm going to follow you and you can follow me back. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm just one message away.

[admles]

As a depression sufferer myself, this really resonated with me, and I feel your pain.

I swear, this is almost exactly how I would have written the same mytake.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you <3 I'm very sorry you know what depression is like. I hope though that by my MyTake, you'll see you aren't alone. <3 I'm going to follow you and you can feel free to follow me back and shoot me a message anytime about anything at all.

[admles]

Thank you <3 One of the important things in dealing with depression, in my experience, is knowing we aren't alone :)

[myTake Owner]

Yes, definitely!!!

[myTake Owner]

And you're welcome :)

[Sanj_cj]

Meditation and waking up early in the morning really helps

[myTake Owner]

Im trying to learn more about self meditation, I've heard it really helps :)

[Sanj_cj]

Just wake up early in morning do some walking then sit someplace close to nature avoid noisy area or you can do it at home put on headphones play meditation music close your eyes and do it for 10 to 20 minutes.. It is best thing. and you can use we*d LOL :) it works for me :)

[myTake Owner]

Lol! I would love to but I don't know where to get some haha

[Sanj_cj]

no dont use it just listen to music and chill

[myTake Owner]

lol I know, I was kidding :)

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your advice!!

[Sanj_cj]

Nothing stronger than your will power you are the one who can control your thaughts mood your brain so chill life is for enjoyment and not stressing :) and do meditate it works like magic

[relaxrelax]

Roughly about 40% of women suffer from depression in the USA today and about 9.5% of men

ALL THIS IS A LIE LOL

[Nofap]

Those figures for depression are bs and made up... But I get it, I really do... Start exercising hard... I dont want to hear excuses, just go exercise...

[amorpheus69]

Sounds like Postpartum depression. I hope you seek help.