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How To F*ckin' Say Words 'n Sh*t: The Right Way To Pronounce Things.

How To F*ckin Say Words n Sh*t: The Right Way To Pronounce Things.

This is another repost from Reddit. This is gonna teach you how stuff is ACTUALLY pronounced. This useless Masters degree in English is finally going to use for one random MyTake on GirlsAskGuys! While the words are accurate, take the ribbing and insults with a grain of salt, as it's humor.

LOCATIONS:

- Care-a-bee-in, not "Ca-ribby-in" unless you're uneducated (or like the Disney movies).
- Na-vaah-da, not "na-vad-dah", unless you're Californian.
- Ore-e-genn ('organ'), not "ora-gainn."
- New Or'lins, not "new orr-leans" (rhymes with "jeans") unless you're pretentious/rich.
- Floor-idda, not " or "flaw-ridda" or motherf*cking "Flo 'Rida."

FOOD/BEVERAGES:

- To-may-toe, not "toe-ma-toe."
- Cow-li-flower, not "Calee-flower" like some dumb Northeast Americans say.
- Bay-gull, not "bag-gul" like a f*cking idiot.
- Ji-roh or yii-roh (the Greek burrito), depending on the region.
- Sherr-bert, not "shore-bert" like a goddamned fool.
- Sir-rup, not "seer-rup."
- War-der if you're not Philly/Boston trash; otherwise you call it "waad-der" or "whaat-turr."
- Cara-mel, if you're American or Canadian, Car-mul, if you're British or Australian.
- Pe-cann if you're from the East Coast, Pe-kahn if you're from the West Coast.
- Ex-press-so, and only "Ess-press-so" if you like hard-to-say, annoying-to-pronounce words. ...Or you're from the Southwest and/or Spanish.

PEOPLE/ANIMALS/POKEMON:

- Loy-er, not "law-yurr" unless you have a speech impediment.
- Onn't (your mother's sister), as in 'Aunt May.'
- Sam-min, not "sal-mon" unless you're an illegal Mexican immigrant.
- Ky-o-tee not "ky-oat" like a f*cking Nevada hillbilly.
- Possum if you're from the North, O-Possum if you're from the South.
- Rat-a'-ta if you're not an idiot, "Rat-tatt-ah" if you're a Gunwunner and/or complete moron.
- Ar-kay-us if you're educated, "Ar-see-us" if you're pretentious and think "it's what the creators really meant!"
- Mi-low-tic, Lop-pun-knee, and Ky-oger, not "mill-lot-tik," "low-punny," or "ki-og-gra."
- Lay-dee demi-tresk from Resident Evil 8, not "dimmi-tres-coo!' Dammit internet! It's a proper noun, so you could argue her and her entire family aren't saying it like Romanians are "supposed" to say it, but that's not our problem. She pronounces her name 'demi-tresk' with the silent U, so that's what's right.

OTHER:

- Pa-jomm-as if you're from the East Coast, pa-jam-as if you're from the West Coast.
- Nuke-lee-yur ('new clear'), not "nuke-ya-lure" ('new killer').
- Que-ponn, not "koo-ponn." (Mr. Chow from The Hangover: "You gonna koop-on me!?")
- Miss-che-viss, not "miss-chee-vee-us."
- Jif not "giff" (f*ck what the creator said; it's in the public discourse now; too late to change it, buddy).
- In-va-lope, not "awn-va-lope," unless you're French.
- Cray-ahn, not "kray-ann."
- Mirr-er (reflective glass), not "mere"/"mare" like a goddamned fool.
- Flurr-ish (to develop strongly and extravagantly), not "Floor-ish", unless you're from Northeast America, or describing ground similar to a man-made floor.
- Hank-ker-chiff, not "hank-kerr-chief" unless you're Northeast trash (probably from Philly).
- Kwart-er (25 cents, or one-fourth of something), not "korter" unless you're Northeast trash (probably from Philly... Or New York).
- Real-lee (very much), not "rilly"... It has an E sound, dammit!

TERM USAGE:

- Elevator, not "lift," Chavvies.
- Trash, not "rubbish," unless you're Chavvy rubbish from The UK.
- Soda if you're educated, "Pop" if you're redneck trash from Gary, Indiana who marries your cousin. "Soda Pop" is an acceptable compromise.
- A Sub(marine) if you're from the Midwest, a Hoagie if you're from the Northeast (besides Boston), and a Grinder if you're from the South. (All are long sandwiches.)
- (The actual brand name of a cola) if you're not an idiot; calling literally all cola "Coke" if you're a Southern inbred with the IQ of a brick.
- Laura (lorra) if you're American, Lara (lah-rah) if you're British, like Lara Croft.
- Caught (caauht) like you caught a fish, and Cot (kott) like what you sleep on in the Army with cotton blankets.
- Root (Route) if it's a proper noun for a pathway, like "Route 37"; Row-te if it's a general pathway to get somewhere without an official name, like the quickest GPS route.
- Bare if you mean the adjective of being fully exposed ("bare-naked ladies"), Bare if you mean the verb of revealing something entirely ("bare my soul to him"), and (For)bear means to be patient for a period of time ("bear with me"), unless you're talking about the large deadly animal in the woods.
- Momma for improper nouns, not "maam'ma" (Mama) unless it's part of a Proper Noun/Name, like Mama Bear.
- Poppa for improper nouns, not "paap'pa" (Papa) unless it's part of a Proper Noun/Name, like Papa Smurf.

^^Source 1

^^Source 2

How To F*ckin' Say Words 'n Sh*t: The Right Way To Pronounce Things.
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