I just can't imagine someone would love me with all my flaws...?

Question

Im really scared of having a relationship with a guy.
 Because he sees all your flaws (personality and looks) and Im so weird and I just can't and won't believe anyone would want to spend time with me or even love me! 
Thats the reason why I will never have a relationship and open up to anyone and Ill end up alone for the rest of my life...
That really sucks cause this affects me so much :(
Anyone feeling the same? Please tell me Im not the only one lol

charmingfrank · Accepted Answer

Wow! Someone actually feels somewhat the same as me? Yeah, I feel like I'm too weird or boring or "not that Guy" status to be attractive to any girl that I want attention from! I look forward to the day where I find a girl who's willing to give me a chance and find out that I have a heart of Gold inside: willing to love and not turn back because I made the choice to love her. Not because she's perfect but because I made that choice to love her unconditionally. There are guys out there who will do this very thing for you out of selflessness NOT selfishness like: "I just want to get in her pants then move on". The only thing is they're few:/ Don't give into the lie that you will NEVER find someone because you are a girl! Girls are in more of demand than guys so you pretty much don't have to do anything to get a Guy to ask you out. It takes years sometimes to come across that special one but its worth the wait! I'm still waiting on God to bring her* across my path so I can love her and protect her from the lies of this world but (sighs) it takes time*. Keep your chin up! Rock/ embrace what good you have in your character, a Guy will notice your enjoyment of life and that will attract him to you. We'll I hope this helps! God bless.

ReXXiLLe · Accepted Answer

I don't feel the same way and what you say is bull shit, you are scared of the consequences of friend/relationship which is fine, do you know what will make you alone for the rest of your life? not opening up to anyone. You can't say that just because you got flaws no one will want to be with you. I will give you an example my girl is: jealous, sentimental, like a 12 year old, scared of the dark, insecure, gets annoyed easily I could go on, but I love her for who she is no one is born perfect everyone has flaws but if you think your flaws can be fixed work on them. I used to laugh a lot and make stupid jokes so...I stopped easy steps realize what is wrong with you that you find bothers your life.

Ask away.

Willow4 · Accepted Answer

I always feel like that lol. Sometimes I just like being single cos I don't feel the need to constantly be 'fun' and chatty or always putting make up on because I'm insecure. I worry like crazy about a guy seeing me with no make up on or something because I think they'd just be too nice to say anything else. I've had some problems in my life so I worry that a guy would find me depressing or boring or too introverted. It just makes me realise how much of a commitment a relationship is and why so many don't actually work. Some people are too complex.

Try not to worry about it all, I think part of my problem was just that..worrying when there really isn't much need to. From what I can see you look stunning so on looks alone someone will most definitely love spending all their time with you :) You also sound kind and modest which are another 2 great qualities (3 great thinks already...see what I'm doing here with positive thinking? ;) lol)

Just relax as much as you can, even if you still worry. When you meet a good guy who really does love you he be telling you it so much you won't be thinking about your flaws and it will boost your self confidence :)

Dazzledxx · Accepted Answer

Almost every girl has these fears, and its completely normal. The truth is that we often overthink it and pay too much attention to our flaws that we don't realize how truly beautiful and unique we are. To add to that, our flaws make us who we are and we should wear them with pride. I don't think that no one would want to spend time with you or look at you because 1.) You're gorgeous and 2.) You seem to have a great personality. If you think you're weird, weird is never a bad thing! Being different is always a good thing :)

I always struggled with these same insecurities myself and still do... especially when it comes to acceptance and whether or not a guy will accept you, with all your flaws and whatnot. The solution that I found was: accepting myself and believing that I was beautiful because acceptance starts from yourself. Once you accept yourself, others will accept you. Your flaws are part of you and make you the unique person you are.

-Hope I made sense hehe. I jumbled all my thoughts together in one comment.
Stay beautiful <3

acka72 · Accepted Answer

You are not the only one.  Your problem is that today society has many many many expectations and you try to fit to society's mold but you will never achieve that.  Also you were probably taught by your loving parents that you should date the best there is.  So lower your own expectations of your future mate and learn to like and accept yourself for who you are and your love life will be much much better.  If you lower your judgements towards others you will automatically have a less difficult time lowering your own callous judgements towards yourself.

kheserthorpe · Answer

You need to let go.

You don't expect other people to be perfect. They don't expect you to be. In a way you're actually being very arrogant in expecting so much of yourself. It's common and something we all deal with but it's a strange mix of low self esteem fuelled by being self focused.

You need to be a good person but let go of perfection. And you need to stop thinking you need to be perfect for people to love you when it's much closer to the opposite. I would say women need to show some need and vulnerability for men to love them. Beyond that you cannot feel loved unless the one loving you truly knows you flaws and all. Otherwise you feel they love some fake image of you.

hlab3 · Answer

I was scared of getting into a relationship, because of commitment. However, to have a guy be able to love your good and bad sides, your perfections and imperfection is simply amazing.

My boyfriend loves all of me, and it makes me happy that he wants to spend time with me regardless of any flaws I have. I don't have the perfect body, I don't have the perfect hair and I have a hearing disability. However, he doesn't care about those things; he likes those parts of me even if I don't like them. Sometimes, we are too overly critical of ourselves, and all we need is the perspective of someone else to tell us otherwise.

josesmaf · Answer

That is what I fear most about a real relationship. I'm afraid to be known by my flaws, to be utterly vulnerable to any other person because I'm afraid I won't measure up and I fear that once someone sees the true me, that's when they'll leave. And I really don't want to hurt that much again. I've been there and it sucks.

But I want to be loved and I believe that with grace and mercy, that love is out there. I can have it for myself, and I have the capacity to give it to another. It is an infinitely risky thing to allow yourself to be known, but I will take the plunge. I will dance in that minefield. And though it's gonna be harder than I ever dreamed, for the right woman, that will be the reason for the promise I make to her.

FlyingTurtle · Answer

I was literally JUST writing about this in my blog/journal. We accept the love we think we deserve. And I sure as HECK don't believe I deserve the kind of love my boyfriend gives me. But he does, he loves me even though I am outdone by SO many other girls in so many different aspects, I have so many ugly flaws and drastic imperfections. . . he still loves me though. I think he's crazy but I will never take him for granted. . . <3

Nightingale · Answer

Grab a blank piece of paper and a pencil, and write down all the flaws you think you have.

After you're done, ask yourself: Which of these flaws are in my power to change?
For those you can change or at least improve, do so. And for those that aren't in your power to change: why bother worrying about them? Accept them, and realize you can't be perfect.

Anonymous · Answer

It saddens me to see a gorgeous GORGEOUS girl like you not being the happiest she can be. You are so pretty and you should feel good about your self. Nobody needs to love your flaws. There aren't any that would qualify as flaws. Minor imperfections compared to photoshop are things even supermodels have.

You have such a nice sympathetic face I can't imagine you being a bad person.

Honestly, you probably feel bad about yourself because of less fortunate people making you feel bad about yourself

Please be happy you are such a goddess!

Do more sports for endorphins :)

Also it's very hard to find the right partner. That's just normal but makes it even more special in the end. Don't give up and if you wanna talk a bit just comment and I'll message you.

:)

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah I know exactly what you mean. I don't share it with anybody so I don't think anybody would probably believe me if I told them. Deep down I feel like if I opened up and made myself completely vulnerable to a person they wouldn't be able to love me. That feeling that no person would be able to accept me for me. Like I couldn't possibly be honest with anybody about who I am, that they would judge me and ultimately not like or respect me.

The thing is I know it's not true. I know that some people would like or love me just for who I am, because of who I am. Yet, being able to know it and being able to convince yourself of it/act on it is two different things.

Perhaps taking a leap of faith is the only option.

sawno · Answer

You shouldn't feel that way at all.
It is never about being good or bad it is about being compatible with the other.
If you never show yourself to him you will never find someone who fits you.

I used to think i was worthless to girls at some point. What did i have to offer them? Then a girl came along and she opend my eyes. Turns out i do got something special :)

Feel free to pm if you want to talk a bit more private.

Casper286 · Answer

I feel the same way but I've pretty much embraced it and decided not to date at all. But, that's just me. It sounds like you don't want to end up alone and actually want to give dating a shot, so just try letting it go and try becoming more comfortable with yourself.

Brovak · Answer

Yes, I feel the same way. The only way out of it as far as I know is to somehow get your self image up. I get really jealous when my crush is around other guys because I am pretty insecure. I am dreading letting her see my chest when the time comes (I have Pectus Excevatum, google it).

Rocco-K · Answer

Well your number one flaw is that your self-esteem and self-image is low right now. You have to tell yourself that you are young, good-looking and any guy would be lucky to be with you. You should also be friendly, open-minded, have standards and know what you are looking for; but first work on yourself and get your confidence back up. Everybody has flaws, we are all human; we just have to find that one special someone whose flaws we can tolerate lmaoo. Turn that frown upside down and cheer up.

Misunderstoodvirgo6 · Answer

But that the beauty if it all that you can open up let your walls down and know that person loves you no matter how you may disagree or fight or annoy one anther. Just let go and be who you are lve your self believe me someone going to see it and love you right back. It all becomes worth it sure you may go tho a few heartachs but if it leads you to the right one wasn't it really worth it. I think so.

steveguitar · Answer

Sure I have always felt he same. Who could like a quiet guy? Who is going to like a guy who doesn't have a job that makes a lot of money, who can't do fun things and travel and does most of the things he does by himself.

I have never been on a date with a girl and have had shitty friends growing up and u have a lot of social nerves that I haven't been able to get over.

But most of all I have not met my goals yet. So Iam pretty well a nobody

RedThread · Answer

Join the club sister ;)

Seriously though.. We tend to have a harsher judgment on ourselves than others have of us. I don't know about you but I have a tendency to blow things way out of proportion when it comes to my flaws/failures. You need to learn to take some risks and realize that not all risks will bear fruit but that's life.

harakiri · Answer

Lmao me too. This is why I'm totally focusing on my education and career.

meibay313 · Answer

I have too many flaws that I cannot even count haha we all have flaws and people who love you would find them cute or think of them as your unique charm :) so really no worry!

Keyspirits · Answer

Oh please dont say dat! No one is perfect. U know i wanna make u ma wife but..

man32 · Answer

every girl thinks the same way. but if someone comes up with full heart and says i love u for who u are and what u are. you fuck them in face and reject them... thats what happens in real life... in life its all about choices :'( sorry to say that

NoblesseOblige · Answer

Nah.  Love is easy to get.  But you have be willing to spend a few months talking to the wrong guys until you find the right one.

Anonymous · Answer

You're so pretty yet you think so. Nobody is perfect, in a relationship you accept each others flaws and love yourselves for who you really are. Weird girls make many guys comfortable so don't even think its a disadvantage.

apropos · Answer

You look like a Swiss bombshell lol. What one person considers a flaw, another person thinks of as an asset. You'll be fine.

rUinSAYAN · Answer

people have to love your flaws. give it a go! don't mind being negative just don't let em into your pants too easy and you're good to go

GrandiA · Answer

You have to feel beautiful inside and out. Just don't let mediocrity dominate your self-esteem. This kind of weakness won't ever help you if do not believe in yourself.

bh6676r942 · Answer

Awwww honey you don't look or seem bad at all. You don't have much to worry about

mario1321 · Answer

Why would you want someone who only notices your flaws

iampikachu · Answer

Yeah I feel the same :D im not depressed about it though 😄

ThreeIn · Answer

You're pretty so that should help. Weird is a good thing; weird = interesting.

Anonymous · Answer

You're very attractive and you don't look weird. And no you're not the only one who feels like you do. A lot of people feel that way.

ArieWild17 · Answer

Me too I'm 17 so I'm always dealing with insecurity.

sherlocked · Answer

You are not the only one. Trust me.

ihatethiswebsite · Answer

i feel the same. I have so many problems that i can't see people liking me. Even if they did i would think they are lying to me

rgb008 · Answer

You're not alone. I feel this way sometimes too.

biggie90 · Answer

WE all have flaws pretty babe.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel the same exact way

I just can't imagine someone would love me with all my flaws...?

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