Why am I not “perfect “ enough to be with…?

[Anonymous]

I’m very insecure… 3 guys I talked to said “you’re perfect “ “you’re perfect as you are” but they don’t want to be with me.. and what makes it worse is that they went on to get married and left me shattered because I truly believed them when they said they weren’t ready for a relationship and both men didn’t want to sleep with me because they said they didn’t want me to get attached or “crazy”. it’s incredibly painful.. wow that’s how they truly feel about me. I don’t believe any compliment given why would I …

I they all hoped that I find “ a man that loves me “ etc but I wanted it to be them. I think they’re quality guys…

But even though they don’t give a shit about me I hope they see the monster they created. I hope they come across videos of me giving different men oral to men and I hope they see me with my face fillers and new body and I hope they think “wow she’s good enough “ 🙂‍↕️🥹☺️ I hope they jerk off too me so much that it ruins their relationships.

[PeachyPie93]

You honestly sound crazy, you really shouldn't vent on a question site 😂😂
But really you just have to think about it in the way that you guys just weren't compatible, even if you thought or wanted it to be. They didn't see you as "the one" but there is no need to feel bad about yourself or get hung up by it. You just have to keep looking until you find "your" one! (maybe lower your standards)
But if you have a fake body and do sex work on the side you can't expect men to find value or want to date you, that is delusional. Work on yourself and your trauma's and things will get easier in life.

[Asker]

How do I sound crazy? … it’s basically me just hoping that they see. No harm in it.. I wish them well.

I’m not lowering my standards… and this isn’t about “looks” I felt like they were decent good quality guys idk…

I personally just think lust is better anyway. You don’t have to worry about getting dogged by men who don’t want you.

[PeachyPie93]

What makes you sound crazy is that you honestly think they would care at all if they seen you sucking, or being fucked by some guy? They would just think its funny and that of course they didn't end up with you.

I'm not talking about looks, I am talking about the guy in general. You aren't going to get a family orientated, rich, loving, mature guy when you are a sex worker. If you think you will you are just deluding yourself.

So then stick to lust, but stop whining men you want don't want you because when you give the cookie out for all to see and for free, of course you ain't gonna get a guy that is worth anything. So I suggest changing yourself if you expect a different outcome.

[Asker]

Tbh I was totally joking on the last part… I don’t think they would care.. I’m not whining but I would like men to be honest and not say someone is perfect when you don’t want to be with them.

[Asker]

But maybe I’ll get a better reaction if I killed my self but the problem with that is I won’t know if they reacted… I can only guess.

Either way maybe they’re right. I’m too unstable… that’s an unlovable trait to have

[PeachyPie93]

Get some help, you are clearly unstable and guys can always tell when you are unstable or clingy and it turns them off. I suggest seeing someone and once you fix yourself up I am sure you will have a better outcome with men and life in general.

[Asker]

I’m not unstable and what’s wrong with being clingy when you like someone…. They just don’t want you… someone who wants and loves you wouldn’t mind it.

[PeachyPie93]

Saying you want to be a whore or kill yourself because 3 guys didn't choose to date you seems pretty unstable to me (even as a joke) lol. No one likes clinginess even when they love you, none of my boyfriend's liked it, and especially the guy I was super in love with. So I learned quickly not to act that way towards them. You need to learn to control your emotions better and people will gravitate towards you.

[Asker]

I’m just trying to find the will to want to even be here

[PeachyPie93]

Go to the doctors, and get diagnosed, trust me when you feel better mentally. Life gets so much better. Don't put so much of your self worth on men, because they will never make you feel complete or good about yourself, the only one who can do that is you.

[Asker]

It hurt when he said “I hope you find a man that loves you the way you need/want” I just hated him for that

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah he is just trying to let you down nicely, but I get why it would make you upset.

[Asker]

I think the most hurtful part is when he didn’t care about my feelings… he asked me in the beginning what was the safest way to talk me…. Because I told him that I’m protecting my emotional wellbeing at all cost.. I was difficult and guarded and he responded differently to me. Then after we met he ghosted and made me feel so bad… rejection is okay but I just thought he would still have some care… the way he wanted to rid me hurt so bad because I wasn’t ready to let go… I know it sounds crazy to outsiders looking in but no one can truly understand how this feels

I’m a 26 year old who never had her first kiss, flowers , dates, love… and I deeply thought he would be the one for me or at least the my first

[PeachyPie93]

I'm sorry to hear that, but just know there are many more chances to meet guys. The thing I learned from talking with different guys is,
NEVER tell them your weaknesses ("Because I told him that I’m protecting my emotional well being at all costs.. I was difficult and guarded") do not let them know you have any issues from the past from guys or anything else!! Guys see that as a red flag and write you off as damaged or has lots of baggage.

Also NEVER feel bad from rejection, it really doesn't matter. Look at how immature he was, since he couldn't just be up front and honest. He wasn't that great, there are tons of guys just like him.

Focus on.. Controlling your emotions!! Even if you feel like you are falling for them, never let them know it until they tell you first. Never get attached even if you are feeling all the butterflies, don't let yourself get attached to him before he asks you to be his girlfriend. No point catching feelings for a guy who could be a ghost in a few weeks time.
Also when you don't let your feelings control you, it's much easier to be more level headed when speaking to them so you don't say dumb things or become too clingy which puts them off.

AND just know LOVE isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure first kisses, holding hands, and dates are nice but give it like 2 years and the guy will stop all the lovely lovely stuff and calling you the cute pet names.

[Asker]

He did give me closure but the closure was still kind of hurtful…. He doesn’t want to invest time if we weren’t going to eventually be intimate and he said he has other higher priorities to worry about. Ect… then he said he doesn’t want to go back and forth bc I misunderstand everything he says then he goes on to say that we don’t have to text everyday. We can check in here and there.

I was crying lmaooo and he gon ask “are you okay “ like nooo stupid 😭

But I told him that I hope he finds what he’s looking for

[PeachyPie93]

That sucks. Why did he say "He doesn’t want to invest time if we weren’t going to eventually be intimate"?

[Asker]

Well… I post sexy pics online and he saw my pics … but I set the boundaries day one. I told him that I wasn’t interested in sex or a relationship. I was willing to place hold until he found someone else.

But anyway… on the meet up he asked me when I was last intimate…. I told him a year…. I ask him and he smirks and looks away…. I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage…(not really) I just wanted to see his response…. But I truly don’t think that’s a solid reason and he could have just mentioned that or discussed it more

[PeachyPie93]

Are you seriously looking for a boyfriend? Do you not see how you pushed him away yourself?

[Asker]

Please….. I really did not think that was an huge issue…. But again I’m not active so I didn’t take it seriously tbh… but I think it was an excuse

[PeachyPie93]

Issue 1 - You post sexy pics online.
Issue 2 - Told him you were last intimate with a guy a year before
Issue 3 - You told him you want to wait until marriage
The fact he was feeling like you are being difficult for him to get into your pants or even date you, but you let others in (in his mind probably easily since you haven't had a boyfriend) is gonna completely turn him off wanting to date you.

[PeachyPie93]

Why is all the information you say contradictory? Like you say you haven't had a boyfriend or a first kiss, so how have you already fucked people?
And you said "I’ve been considered the “good girl “ my whole life.. dressed conservatively, never cursed or drank…. Focused on my education and career…. Good cook" but it sounds like you are promiscuous and have sexy pics online?

[Asker]

But that’s not true tho…. No guy has “hit it”…. And I need to be difficult to make sure he’s not using me

I only like and wanted the attention and I only wanted to talk… I thought he wanted more…

Be he did hurt my feelings… saying… “does your dad know you post those pics”…. Like huh… what does that even mean and what does my dad have to do with it

[Asker]

I just gave the “illusion “ that I am… but again I made my boundaries clear

[Asker]

But that means he just wanted to fuck probably so I guess why not actually be promiscuous… he tried to appear like a good guy

[PeachyPie93]

So why are you hoping, for a different out come? If that is all true, then you are sending completely mixed messages. No guy will take you seriously if you are using sex appeal. How can you expect a guy to take you serious if you are letting him see sexy pics? The guys who hit you up will just be guys wanting in your pants, not wanting to date seriously. So if these are the kind of guys hitting you up why are you catching feelings?

[Asker]

True but he approached me differently… my pics aren’t whorish to me but they do show my legs and a bit of cleavage… but I’m not begging for it

But he never said anything disrespectful.. he actually complimented my face pic…

But why did he mention my dad? What does my dad have to do with my pics? I don’t need his permission… my dad is far away from me.

I felt hurt by that.

[PeachyPie93]

Usually a guy would only mention your father he thinks your pics are pretty whorish and your dad did a bad job raising you. If you think he is wrong then no need to feel bad about it.
Obviously smart guys won't come straight out with hey sexy.. or the typical crap but that doesn't mean they don't want in your pants lol. Guys will waste 3 months to get you interested, just for them to then say nah I am not looking for a relationship. A lot of men are time wasters or trash looking to get laid, no need to get caught up in the games. If you are smart about it.

[Asker]

True… then he said “I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be crazier “…. It all hurts pretty bad because he wasn’t genuine

I feel like he was being rude because he couldn’t sleep with me..

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah he was just a bad guy, no need to get hung up about it.

[Asker]

Yes, he’s a predator…. That’s predator behavior
It only hurts because I didn’t see it coming bc I truly thought he cared

Then to know he’s capable of loving and respecting other girls

He wants high quality women

[Anonymous]

Riiiight because coming across you blowing multiple men is the perfect way to make them feel like they missed out on a good woman🙄.

[Asker]

What difference does it really make? I was dogged either way.. and I was being sarcastic on the “missing out” part.

[Opinion Owner]

If it doesn’t make a difference why mention.

[Asker]

Because I can

[Pohjolan]

" I hope they come across videos of me giving different men oral to men and I hope they see me with my face fillers and new body and I hope they think “wow she’s good enough “

Sounds more like they dodged a bullet.

[Asker]

Lmaooo noooo!

I’ve been considered the “good girl “ my whole life.. dressed conservatively, never cursed or drank…. Focused on my education and career…. Good cook.. none of that matters lol

[Pohjolan]

Because you failed three times out of three? You know ten is considered the minimum number for making a statistical generalisation.

[Asker]

Over my lifetime it’s been more than that ofc

[Anonymous]

Maybe you just talking to the wrong guys.