Why is confidence so "sexy" and is confidence really the sexiest thing a woman can have?

[lavitadia]

Seriously is it? Even if she isn't the best looking girl but she loves herself, not in a cocky way but in a productive way, is that more sexy than maybe a pretty girl who thinks she is unattractive?

And not just confidence in her looks, in herself. Like her personality, she is sure of herself, if she speaks with confidence. If she is ok being without a man because that doesn't define her kind of thing? I guess that would go along with independence.

But like why is it so attractive.. I mean I can't lie I see a woman who is confident and im like wow I wish I could be that way, but what is it that makes it pretty much irresistible to a man if a woman has it?

My boyfriend tells me my lack of confidence is a turn off... but won't elaborate why.

So why is it a good thing and why is it a turn off?

[bobair]

A woman can be confident in many ways. She might be confident in her appearance but not confident in her work. Or she might be confident when she's comfortable with friends but lose confidence in public places.

I think what you're talking about is a woman's confidence in her self and her sexuality.

I'll take an overweight woman who's extremely confident with her body and her sexuality over a skinny girl who's overtly shy and guarded.

I don't know what you're boyfriend's hangups are without him explaining, but I can give you suggest things an insecure woman does that's a "turn off" :

- She is constantly fishing for compliments because she needs constant approval and affection to feel good about her self. This can become exhausting.

- She can never seem to relax when she's naked or being sexual. I completely understand and appreciate that a woman feels very vulnerable when she's getting naked with a guy for the first few times... this is acceptable... but once you're dating this becomes a struggle... like trying to persuade a frightened kitten out from under the bed.

- She acts overly jealous of all other women in her boyfriend's life. This constant conflict ads resentment and friction... which of course is a turn off.

- She text's or calls WAY too often because she's worried where he is, or what he's doing, etc. Being checked on constantly becomes annoying, like a mother instead of a girlfriend.

I'm not listing these to pick on girls because insecure guys are likely FAR worse.

A woman who's not apologetic for her appearance or short comings is attractive simply because she doesn't add friction or complications to the romance or sexual energy.

Sexual chemistry is about flirting and teasing, which has a FUN vibe! Insecure people add a nervous negative energy, and that's a boner killer.

I hope this helps?

~ Robby

(My Blog https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

[lavitadia]

OMG that was like the most perfect answer... ever. and yes that is exactly what I meant. wow.. sadly you just gave a summary of what I am... ugh. But I like your answer. you should answer more of my questions lol but I will most definitely be checking out your blog!

[bobair]

Hahaha, thanks! You're welcome to drop me a message anytime you have questions. :D

And don't fret, we ALL are working on our own confidence and self esteem, etc. It's handwork and VERY worth it. :D

[rUinSAYAN]

nice conclusion

[CrazyAK]

Well a confident girl is usually more of a challenge and guys like a challenge. Confident girls sometimes can take the confidence to cockiness and thats when it starts getting annoying. But most girls like to be right, and they like to have their way, and thats something us men have to accept haha But yeah its better to be confident than not, but I don't think its really a turn off if your not so confident.

[feral_shade]

I think confidence allows you to more effectively express who you are, what you like and what you want.
It makes it easier for people to relate to and understand you. That simplicity alone makes you more pleasant to associate with.

... but there's more.
People in general often find themselves overwhelmed with life's uncertainties. Subconsciously they're desperate for something substantial and reassuring that could inspire/guide them into feeling more in control of their lives. Confident people exude that sense of certainty, and people gravitate towards that like moths to flames, feeling on some level that, by association, the ambiguity/confusion of their lives will be alleviated.

In a relationship, one of the greatest benefits is the feeling of synergy between two people. Confident people bring thrill and meaning to a relationship... they're pushing their lives forward, and that, in turn, enriches/stabilizes the relationship. Unconfident people seem and often feel like their caught in a quagmire. That personal baggage, when injected into a relationship, can make it seem less like an adventure and more like a boring, one-sided drain.

In the context of your earlier example, a confident, physically-unattractive girl would make it seem like she is making something of her life... that she may not have the looks, but she doesn't care about that deficiency because she's focused on something more meaningful and worthwhile. In a world engrossed by superficiality, this confidence makes her seem so much more interesting.
Whereas, an unconfident, physically-attractive girl can easily be seen as using aesthetics as a crutch, hiding behind her visage to cover up the drama and chaos in her life.

[Cold_Soul]

Great answer :)

[GoldCobra]

Confidence is usually a by-product of being attractive and this is usually the most popular case. Although, there are other ways to build confidence. One can develop it and be more secure by simply not minding what others think of him/her.

As for your question, why is it an attractive feature? Some people are just sick of other's insecurities and would rather have a person who is more secure because then you don't have to worry about their problems and negative thoughts. An insecure unconfident person will come off as more "work" than a person who is comfortable with himself/herself.

Of course there is also the case where a person is too confident (cocky) and that's always shitty. Overall, I don't think girls need as much confidence as guys do to be attractive. I think that is more what girls look for in guys rather than guys look for in girls.

[kheserthorpe]

Lack of confidence isn't really a turn off in women, to me, but if her low self esteem starts inhibiting her, its an issue.

So if she shows interest, does what turns her on, doens't hold back, but is doing it shyly, its hot.

IF she avoids things because of low confidence, sucks.

[Prof_Don]

Because her being confident i her mind and body, makes her an asset to his life.

Why have a liability of someone who needs consistent reassurance and no confidence in who she is? That is very draining for most guys to handle (no matter how good the sex is).

[Anonymous]

Not really, girls whom are overly confident tend to also be overly conceited and full of themselves feeling that the guy should worship the fact he's with her. Humility is much more sexy

[lavitadia]

that's what I would think.. i feel like really confident woman are a little annoying even though I think its good to have some confidence in yourself. he makes it seem like he wants me to be disgustingly overly cocky.

[bobair]

Just because conceited women are overly confident doesn't mean that women who are overly confident will be conceited.

[Opinion Owner]

"Just because conceited women are overly confident doesn't mean that women who are overly confident will be conceited."

I never said that whatsoever

[Anonymous]

I like a polite confidence sorta. Like she's confident in herself and fun to talk to but isn't cocky about it. I don't know if it makes sense?

[sprinkulz]

Tbh, sexy isn't the right word. It isn't a turn on as much as a bonus or necessity. It would be like if Superman had no courage; just kind of dull, right?