Cybersex for a long distance relationship?

[Anonymous]

Is it an appropriate way to deal with sexual tension?
Would it be 'cheating" if one of the partners wants real stuff?

Yay!

Nay!

[Ozanne]

You're cheating if both of you consider using someone else for sexual gratification. If you are both fine with p*rn, then no problem. If you're both fine with sexting strangers, fine. But as I've learned with some women (here), just looking at p*rn is off limits and cheating. So you have to have guidelines with your partner what you think is okay and what isn't. Call it cheating or call it whatever you like, if a behaviour is likely going to upset you or your partner, you shouldn't be doing it. If you feel the need to sneak something behind their back knowing they'd be upset, then it's on you whether or not you think you should be doing it at all.

I guess a good question would be what would you feel if your partner was doing something like having cybersex with someone else, or wanted to have (real) sex with someone else. If this is something you're fine with and you've discussed it and agreed to it, then you have an open LDR relationship. If not, maybe you should rethink being together. Being in a LDR has no less expectations between two people than if they were physically together. If you feel the need to cheat or she does, then maybe LDR is not meant for either of you. It's a relationship that takes a lot more work and trust, so if the strain of being apart is something you feel is taking control away from your sexual urges, then to make things easier on you both, you should reconsider before someone gets hurt. Otherwise, cyber sex, sexting, phone sex can all be done together to take the edge off. Why go to someone else for that stuff when essentially that person is away from you also? If you can't control urges for real sex, and neither can she, then the work at the LDR is a challenge and maybe something one or both of you aren't ready for. Good luck :)

[Asker]

I don't look at p*rn. It's fake and whatever is fake doesn't get me off...

[Ozanne]

So are you asking whether or not it's cheating to have cybersex with her or someone else?

[Asker]

No i mean, is it cheating if she has sex ( real sex, PIV ) with another guy due to lack of "real" thing )

[Ozanne]

I consider it cheating. If you both consider it cheating or you are not feeling like there is loyalty, then it would be considered wrong. Exclusivity should not be determined based on physical proximity to each other, in my opinion. If you both are in love and you can see yourself one day being physically together, then you should both be treating this relationship as a serious one now. If you never plan to see each other or be physical, then maybe you should set guidelines on how to perceive sex that you can both agree on.

[Anonymous]

Cyber sex with your partner is perfectly ok

Sex with someone other then your partner is cheating

[BertMacklinFBI]

how would it be cheating if your partner is the one you're having cybersex with? she may be deprived of the real thing but I don't think that's cheating.

[Asker]

I meant what if one of the partners wants to try the real thing and she/he would do it with another man/woman.

[BertMacklinFBI]

oh then that's cheating if its not with you.