My neighbor caught me smoking, will she tell my mum?

[Anonymous]

First of all, I am 21 so I can smoke and literally choose my own path in life. However, I live at home and belong to a traditional Indian family. Now my neighbors are good friends with my parents, the husband drops by whenever he feels like it and we have all gone out for dinners etc together.

Today, I was already worried she would be there but I was at the bus stop and she was just walking by and at the same time...I was indeed taking a drag from my cigarette. I got caught off guard so I just kept it down and she just looked at it and pointed. Then she just asked how I was and asked everything, we were both avoiding it and she asked if I wanted to join her because she was going to walk instead of taking the bus. But because I was so scared, I thanked her and said I would rather wait since I was too tired. She said ok fine etc and walked off.

I'm so scared she or her husband will tell my parents. When they do, its not going to be nice at all. I've been caught before and my mum made my life hell for a long time and I did stop but only for a month or so. There is 0 tolerance for this kind of stuff at home (probably why I do it in the first place!...but that's another topic..lol)

She knows my parents are on the strict side and I first of all felt bad she even found out because I respect them so much and wish they didn't think I would get into those things but worse than that is if she tells my parents; I thought she was probably trying to show that I can trust her when she offered to walk home with me. I don't know!And its scaring the **** out of me!

[Kevin1a]

I had something similar happen once. I don't know how this is a girls/guys issue, but I'll tell my story. I was house sitting for a neighbor, and they smelled the smoke in the air a little when they came home and knew that I had been smoking. I was eighteen or so at the time, and they asked me if I would rather tell my parents about it, or if they should. I made up some bullsh*t about getting help from my youthpastor, and they followed up once, and I said I wasn't doing anything. They never said anything to my parents. I think from the sound of things you're neighbor is just worried about you. You should avoid doing anything to let you're parents know that she knew, because she is probably worried most about what will happen if your parents find out she knew, but didn't tell them. Anyways, that's the best I can do. Also, if you don't need it, you should try to quit. I'm not really in a position to talk about it, because I still do it occasionally, but I am always worried the dentist will say something about my yellow teeth. It just helps my mood when I feel down.

[Anonymous]

You can answer this better than anyone else. If your neighbor is Indian too I can almost guarantee you that they will tell your parents. It's kind of a culture thing of families sticking so close together and gossiping.

[jacquesvol]

I had a hunch about that , indeed.

[sexcichick]

Omg.. I know how you feel I'm indian too! Damn if your a sikh girl your screwed lolll .Brown parents think that if your a girl and you smoke or drink your a "bad child" . But to be honest no matter how much you try to explain your point of view to your parents they won't listen.All they care about is thier pride and you looking like a good child in front of all the uncles and aunts (lol you know its true.)Anyways if she does tell your parents apologize and just say you'll stop ,thats the only thing you can do ,you know. Good luck thoo .If yuu ever wanna talk about your brown issues justt holla.Peace

[jacquesvol]

Thanks!

[Reeses-pieces777]

possibly? and if they do tell on you to your parents then you should be prepared to respond.

i guess you're scared. well either

1. don't smoke anymore

2. lie about it or fib it. and say your neighbour is on something and they lied

um I dont' smoke so I never had this problem. and I think your neighbours got other things to do other than to tattle tale on the little one who's smoking outside their house. I doubt they'll say anything.

[malindaisme]

Wll, who knows what she will do. If I where you I would talk to her and aske her not to tell your mother, because you do not want her to be dissapointed in you. GL

[ArtistBboy]

You've already gone through the initial first impression of what your mother thinks of you. A second time won't be much different. If your mother does find out, do you think smoking will cause her to disown you? The answer is most likely not- even with a "Zero Tolerance" for smoking.

Second, your neighbors arn't aiming to get you in trouble. They want what is best for you. Approach them and tell them upfront that you like to smoke and your reasoning. Ask them not to speak with your parents because of (Your reasoning).

By approaching them first, then you can control the outcome of whether or not they bring this information to your parents. Adults are very understanding, and you're one of them, you are 21 years old and can make your own decisions. I smoke away from my parents to avoid conflict, but I want to quit because it risks my health and dental hygene.

[Amrit]

+1 Agreed.

[Ollie]

Firstly, how do you expect us to know?! lol...

You obviously know them better than I do, if they're cool, they probably won't tell..

She probably wanted you to walk with her so she could have a chat about it, which is when you were supposed to beg her not to tell your parents, and where she was supposed to say 'don't worry, I wont. Just try to stop ok?'

And if they do, YOU'RE TWENTY-FUCKING-ONE.

Jesus, some parents aye? Or maybe you just don't stand up for yourself.

I understand some asian parents believe in keeping the family together, even when the kids reach adulthood, as did mine.. But for crying out loud move out already lol...

[Alucard]

Christ, your 21 try talking to your parents or get some Independence and more out.

The problem isn't will they tell my Mum, it's why are you so scared? If you want a real relationship with your parent's try being a grown up. I grew up on a council estate and my mother is a fierce women and hates me smoking and I didn't really connect with her until stood on my own 2 feet and challenged her and I did this by being myself and taking responsibility of my own life and forcing her to not think of me as a child.

[jacquesvol]

I don't think relations and habits in Indian families are the same as they are in Europe or the States.

[Alucard]

So does being in an Indian family stop you from moving out?

You've already broke away from your family tradations by smoking, so carry it on from therre.

[Littletad]

Your on American soil are you not? By law, you can do what you want, and they also have the right to kick you out of the house. So it's a two way street. Your 21, and they have to realize that. But your also living under their house, so respect their wishes. That doesn't mean don't smoke, just don't do it in their house.

Next, smoking is incredibly bad for your health, and not too mention expensive. Start working or going to school and move out, if you really want independence.

[here4you]

wow good luck I can relate to you in so many ways

cause I have desi parents as wel and yea I know lol

they demand nothing but excellence

but it depends who they are closer with and if your neighbors are cool or not

i think they will either come to you first or they will tell ur parents right away

is the reason you smoke because there is too much stress at home?

[jacquesvol]

-Smoking is bad for your health (and expensive)!

Whether or not they will talk about it depends on the personality of your neighbours:

-Do they smoke themselves?

-Are they as strict as your parents?

-Do they see you as an adult or as a kid?

-are they straightforward or hypocrite?

-Do they have a daughter ?

At 21 you seem to respect your parents a bit too much.

[EddyMetal]

Lol! Who gives a damn? You're 21!