Is it OK to leave your pregnant girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

OK before everyone thinks I'm a monster, I did not want a child. She said she was on the pill but she lied. I'm not ready for a child. No way. I want to leave her because I can't deal with a child right now. Is it unfair to leave her pregnant? Or am I in the right?

Updates

+1 y

I'm genuinely shocked at how some of you replied to this. Saying how I have to face responsibility for my actions. How come women can get abortions on demand and men can't have an equivalent? That's straight up unfair. Women have more rights than men is what that means which is unfair. Why are women entitled to consequence free sex and not men?

[devilman666]

She shouldn't have lied, but you do kind of have to take responsibility, unfortunately. You really have to be careful to protect yourself from this kind of thing, I suggest looking into red pill philosophy and MGTOW. Women have all the legal power in relationships and parenthood, accept that fact and think about it all the time, in any relationship a girl can bend you over and fuck you with the court system and probably fuck with your personal life too. Since you can't expect fair treatment in relationships, you can't be naive and trusting. Good luck in the future!

[dragonfly6516]

I'm not knocking on your choices in being MGTOW because I DO completely get it, and agree that SJW 3rd wave feminists have ruined this country, but the relationship itself didn't really play a part in this scenario. Even if they had just been friends with benefits, or if she had been a hooker, this still could have happened.

[devilman666]

I mean you have to protect yourself by always wearing a condom and not going on their word that it's safe.

[devilman666]

If they lie to you, they pay no penalty, but you get fucked. Dont take the chance of getting lied to, it just seems logical to me. Trusting someone with so much legal power over you is usually naive. I'm not going to act like all women are bad, I don't even think the majority are, I'm just saying that men have little to no legal protection in cases like these, so we have to be extra careful about who we trust. That might make relationships a little harder since they're built on trust, but until we start prosecuting women who abuse the system men need to protect themselves from being manipulated and controlled.

[dragonfly6516]

I don't disagree with you, however, i was conceived while my mother was on birth control and my father was wearing a condom. No form of birth control is 100% effective. Until we do find a policy to protect a man's bank account and a woman's body, the only 100% solution is no sex.

[devilman666]

I agree no method is 100% perfect, but just trusting that the other person who has much less to lose in the long term is silly. It's like trusting a guy who's name you don't even know to pull out. You're taking an unnecessary risk that shouldn't be taken unless you know the person well enough to judge their character. I'm sorry but I don't see where our disagreement is even coming from, we seem to agree on everything except for whether or not a man should simply trust a woman to not fuck with the next 18-25 years of his life.

[dragonfly6516]

I'm just saying that going MGTOW won't solve this issue, unless you're one of those who also swear off sex.

[devilman666]

Well I am a virgin, but not because I swear off sex, I'm just not much interested in casual relationships and haven't found anything serious so far. As for whether or not it will fix the issue for him to go MGTOW, I don't think it will help with this relationship, but having a more realistic view of how certain women act seems like it will help him to not make the same mistake in the future. If he learns nothing from this he might fall into the same situation with another girl.

[dragonfly6516]

Indeed

[Asker]

I don't want to go MGTOW. The right woman can add a lot to your life and only scumbag piece of shit women manipulate and use the system against men. How ever I'm mad at the fact many people are judging me and looking down on me for doing the same thing millions of women do. It's not fair.

[devilman666]

I agree that the right woman can add a lot to your life, and I wasn't necessarily saying you should join them as much as I was saying you can learn from the viewpoints these groups hold. I personally see myself as MGTOW, but to a very lesser extent than most who go by that label. MGTOW is basically just about men deciding to do what they want for themselves instead of devoting their lives to making a woman happy. By that definition I see myself as MGTOW even though I also want a lifelong partner. I just think we should seek our own happiness and be wary of those who wish to steal it from us. I agree that such women are terrible, but they exist and can often act innocent very well, they know how to manipulate people and get away with it. Since you have to watch out for these women, you have to be wary of all women until you know them intimately, and not just from what they say, but from understanding their actions.

[devilman666]

In response to your update: women hold all reproductive rights in our society. That's just a fact. We have condoms, that is the only thing a man can do besides not having sex. You didn't protect yourself and you're probably going to be held legally responsible. It's unfortunate that you have no choice at this point and no way out, but you gave up your choice earlier when you didn't wear a condom. You likely can't prove she lied about the birth control and even if you did it probably wouldn't help anything. I'm sure your lack of options when women have so many feels unfair and you're entirely right to feel that way, again men have no reproductive rights after the sperm enters her body, our society values mothers highly above fathers. You have to accept that and protect yourself, wear a fucking condom.

[Anonymous]

It screwed up that she trapped you like that. If you are a good person you should stay and help support. Be there for the kind so it has a dad. Even if you are not ready yet. The kid is better off with two parents then just one.
Also she can take money from you depending on the % you make. If you want a good relationship with your own flesh and blood. She could raise the kid hating you. Also friends and family will look down at you for doing this.
Wear condoms or cut your nuts cut so you don't have to worry about having another kid.

[Asker]

Hey millions of women have abortions (basically what I want to do) and get no hate and get away carefree from my situation. Why can't I do what they do?

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean? Do you want the girl to get an abortion or about my comment on your nuts getting cut?

[Asker]

Abortion. Women can 'opt out' (only way I could word it) of motherhood aren't looked down on so why do I have to be looked down on?

[Opinion Owner]

I think you are looked down on because men are generally looked down on this situation. No matter how it goes like. She tricked you into having sex when she was not on the pill.
Men are kind of the target because with out us how would women get pregnant. It's generally the man's fault if a woman get pregnant. People never are like wait was she on the pill or some other alternative? Plus condoms are easy to use so people look down at you and say it's your fault for not using a condom.

Generally people will see it as the man's fault for having sex, getting girl pregnant, then wanting to leave them with the kid. No matter what they situation is.

[MlleCake]

Well, I think all men have to accept the risk they put themselves in. In a perfect world you'd fall madly in love and create a life together. But reality is you're hurt by her lie or mistake, you're probably very angry, and you may just not want to be with her. Your responsibility to her is such that you will have to provide material support for the child and a healthy pregnancy. I don't think you have to stay with Mom to do that. Just try to be the best parent you can.

I feel for you. I am sorry you're dealing with such a hard thing.

[Asker]

Thanks. I just feel like I'm gonna get a lot of hate for leaving her and I feel cheated because women in my situation (accidentally getting a child they aren't ready for) can simply get an abortion and escape, carefree, from my situation.

[karahiri]

There's no right answer here. You can support the child, since part of it is you... but not date her anymore. Or you can just cut her and the child out of your life and pursue someone else. I guess it depends on what you can handle. Just know that leaving now might mean you won't have a path back to that child if you do change your mind later on.

[Asker]

Will I be forced to pay child support for 18 years though? Hey I appreciate your warning but millions of women have abortions and don't seem to care or get affected so how would I suffer any different?

[karahiri]

i think you should talk to a lawyer about what the law in your state requires... and how you may be able to terminate your parental rights.

I'm not saying you should be affected or not, I'm just saying to be aware of what backing away now might mean. That's all.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

DID SHE EVER ASK YOU TO GET HER PREGNANT?

You're right. It's not fair to you too that you were suddenly forced into this predicament. Assuming that she was taking pills, it's understandable you won't feel the need to wear a condom. It's still a big risk not to be prepared. How you wish now that you did.

Anyway, there remains the suspicion that she lied about taking her pill. Did she do that on purpose? If yes, was it so that she can get pregnant? I ask you again, DID SHE EVER ASK YOU TO GET HER PREGNANT prior to all these?

[Asker]

No she didn't, we never talked about kids but she did tell me she was on the pill.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Whether or not she had an ulterior motive, you were mislead. She told a terrible lie! The pregnancy and the resulting child are somethings you didn't plan and didn't give your consent to. Though it would be "ideal" for you to provide some kind of support one way or another, you can still choose your own path.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I agree that it's very upsetting for you right now. When you cool down, I hope you'll slowly "warm up" to the idea of playing a key role throughout the pregnancy & childbirth. Even better is having a big part in raising the child. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY HER unless you sincerely want to. Be fair to yourself and avoid living a lie.

[Asker]

Why can women get away carefree and men can't? That's very unfair and I can't believe no one is fighting for equality in this area. So because I'm a man I have to face up to my consequences yet if I was a woman people would respect my choice to abort.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

You might be that catalyst to initiate the men's crusade for reasons like that.

[fauchelevent]

I don't think it's unfair. If you made it clear that you didn't want a child and she was deliberately deceiving you then I don't see why you should stay with her. It was her decision, she got herself into this, it's up to her to deal with it now (though obviously you shouldn't leave contraception up to just one person, it's always a good idea to have both people on contraception so you can't be lied to)

[Asker]

I never said I did or didn't. We never really talked about it. Is there a way I can relinquish custody before the child is born (like a man version of abortion)? Is there something like that I can do? Or is it wrong to do that?

[fauchelevent]

If you didn't talk about kids, your case is growing a little weaker... If you made it clear you didn't want them and she did it anyway, then you'd definitely be in the right. In this case, she could argue that she didn't know you wouldn't want them and she could also say that she did take birth control but that it failed. That can happen so it wouldn't be plausible. It's risky then. I have no idea whether you can relinquish custody. I believe that you should be able to do that morally but whether you legally can or not, I'm not sure. I guess look up the laws regarding this where you live?

[fauchelevent]

* it wouldn't be implausible

[Asker]

OK. If I am unable to relinquish custody that is very unfair.

[fauchelevent]

It is unfair but your case is weak now so you'll have a difficult time doing it even if it's an option.

[benb1987]

First and foremost: you're going to be a dad, grow up, accept responsibility and do everything you can to support her and the child. As for the relationship, if you don't love her or feel the trust has gone (it IS still possible to get pregnant on the pill, no contraception is 100% proof btw) then yes, leave the relationship before it becomes detrimental to the child. Raise your child as best you can by going to all the classes and appointments and helping with the cost towards all the baby gear.

[Asker]

OK but how come women in my same situation can just get an abortion? How come women aren't looked down on for abortions and how come women aren't expected to grow up and face their consequences? Doesn't seem fair.

[benb1987]

You're not in a position to complain about others. Look at your own situation and resolve it

[dragonfly6516]

No. Staying together just for the kid is never the right choice. If you're not happy with the mother, that resentment will bleed out and affect the kid.

She lied, but no method of contraception is 100% fail proof. Every time you put your dick into her, you were taking the risk of this happening. That being said, don't be surprised if she files for child support, and if she does, take responsibility and pay your dues.

[Asker]

"take responsibility and pay your dues" I would agree with that except for the fact that if a woman was in my situation she would get an abortion and get away carefree. Why do I have to own up to my consequences when women in my situation can just escape?

[dragonfly6516]

Because it's the law. That's the technical answer. I don't agree with it either. There needs to be a way to protect men in this situation. Something kind of like a prenup, where the men can draw up some kind of legally binding contract starting that if you agree to sex with them, that these men are free and clear of any obligation. But these men would still be required to inform women when the women were of clear and stable mind for this to carry any weight.

I personally don't agree with abortion except in extreme cases were pregnancy posed a threat to the life of the mother, the mother was raped or underage, or in cases where the child will have some kind of debilitating disease and poor quality if life.

But I an pro choice.

[Asker]

At least you agree that men get fucked over everyday in these situations and no one says anything. I disagree with abortion unless of rape and health issues but women can abort a perfectly healthy baby just for convenience. Why can't I have a similar right?

[dragonfly6516]

My man is locked into paying for two that aren't even his, because he didn't know that his ex wife was cheating on him until after both were born, and he'd already signed the birth certificate.

[Asker]

I'm sure he can get it changed there's no way that there's nothing to do.

[dragonfly6516]

Nope. The laws of the state she lives in are keeping him locked in. Even a paternity test wouldn't free him.

[Slim57]

If she lied to you like that yes. But to not take responsibility for the child? No. You're always taking a risk when having sex and if you don't know any better then you shouldn't be having it. It doesn't matter what you use, accidents happen. You should also, from personal experience, NEVER believe a girl is on the pill unless you see her taking it everyday. And even then realize, like I said before, that accidents can happen. Look. I'd feel the same exact way as you if it happened to me. But I knew that I was owning up to it when I first made the choice to have sex.

[Slim57]

I didn't see this before I commented but in my opinion you have a very valid point with the abortion thing, but, as unfair as it is even if you don't claim it if she files for child support you're gonna have to pay, it's fucked up beyond all relief man

[Anonymous]

I guess you learned your lesson to not trust a girl again who says she's on the pill. Next time wrap it even if she says she's on the pill, nothing is 100%!

[Asker]

Do you think women deceiving men in OK? Why is it all my fault?

[Opinion Owner]

Never said it was okay. Simply don't trust a bitch unless you personally see her take the pill out and take it. Never said it was your fault either, its BOTH of your faults for being careless.

[Asker]

Well women in my situation just get an abortion and get away from my situation carefree. Why aren't they made to face the consequences yet I am? Doesn't seem fair to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Pretty much because they can do as they please when it comes to their body. If men were able to get pregnant, they'd be doing the same.

[Asker]

But thats unfair. So you're saying because I'm a man I have MORE responsibility than women? Sexist much? Men should be able to give up custody and I find it crazy that you think women can have consequence free sex and me can't. I'd say you're just a man hating feminist.

[Opinion Owner]

Man hating? So you're talking shit because my opinion isn't music to your ears?
You're right, you aren't ready for a child, you're a child yourself.

[Asker]

I know am I amrn'y so why can't I escape like women can? That simply isn't fair.

[Opinion Owner]

Life in general isn't fair.
Stop being a little vagina and grow up.

[Asker]

OK well then women can shut up about the pay gap. Life isn't fair.

[Opinion Owner]

There ya go, you're finally getting the point that we will NEVER be the same and different things apply to different genders.

[Opinion Owner]

That's life.

[Asker]

I agree. But the world is so obsessed with feminism and feminists have so much power... ans they are always saying how men and women should be equal.

[Opinion Owner]

Nope, not this "feminist"since you already called me one yet you don't even know me.

[Asker]

Well most girls are man hating women these days so forgive me for assuming.

[Opinion Owner]

Well apparently you think all women are "man hating" and that's fine. Just know there are some of us who aren't like the rest and just because we stand up for our gender every now and then it doesn't make us feminist or man haters.

[Einishikenshin]

You are disgusting just for thinking it. Two persons are involved in sex, she shouldn't lie at you but you could use a condom. Yes, that child is you responsibility and if you abandon him you are the worst kind of person

[Asker]

Millions of women have abortions and that's seen as OK by most people. Why do I have to get hate for doing the same thing they do?

[Tututwerl09]

People always set themselves up for the worst... like why weren't you wearing a condom? You're stuck now and should take up for your responsibilities. Since she betrayed your trust dump her. But it sucks because if you're not taking care of your child you will be hit with child support. This should be a lesson to you buddy. And I hope you have better responsibility next time.

[Asker]

Woah woah woah. First of all we were dating and she said she was taking the pill. Why do I have to face my consequences? Why do I have to pay the price for making a mistake?

[Tututwerl09]

First of all we were dating and she said she was taking the pill

I know that, that's why I said to leave her!!

Why do I have to face my consequences?
LOL there's consequences to EVERYTHING! I wish I didn't have to face consequences I'd be ruthless out here. You have to face consequences because itit's LIFE!

Why do I have to pay the price for making a mistake?
Dude that's how we learn. Grow up! I'm being hard on you because obviously you need some tough love.

[Asker]

But how come women can just have abortions? They can get out of my situation carefree and not be looked down on yet I have to be tough and all that? What the hell?

[Tututwerl09]

Look I know it's unfair

[Anonymous]

Who told you to raw her? That's what you get for being dumb. Get used to the idea that you're going to be somebody's daddy, would you prefer a girl or a boy?

[Asker]

Hold up. We were dating. She told me she was on the pill. Why do I have to be the bigger, moral person when women in my situation would just have an abortion and get away from this carefree. That doesn't see, fair.

[Anonymous]

she may have lied but I don't know I feel bailing out is the wrong thing. if u were the girl u have no choice and it wouldn't be fair if ur partner left

[Asker]

What? If I was a girl I could just go get an abortion and escape from this situation.

[Opinion Owner]

does she want the kid?

[Asker]

Yes but I don't.

[Opinion Owner]

there's the root of the problem.

[dragonfly6516]

I agree with the OO here. This is a fundamental difference that should have been a red flag from the beginning. Asker, you two weren't compatible, and this was her gambit in desperation.

[GreenGold1992]

Fuck no, it is unfair to leave her, and it's your child so you're screwed. If you leave, you're still screwed but you'll be a failure, too.

[Asker]

Do you think its fair that women in my situation can just have an abortion? How come women don't have to face their consequences and how come women can just evade motherhood yet men can't avoid fatherhood? That's unfair. I can't believe the way people are judging me for wanting to do the exact same thing millions of women do.

[GreenGold1992]

It's their body, so their right and choice to get an abortion or not. And it doesn't matter if it's unfair or not, that's just the way it is and that's the way it's always gonna be, like it or not. And it's not the same thing, abortion is just erasing the baby like it never existed, you would just be leaving and deserting your responsibility.

[Asker]

Exactly women are evil.

[GreenGold1992]

(sigh)

[HereIbe]

Doesn't matter, she can still haul your sorry ass into court and have you pay for the next 18+ years, DADDY.

[lolsumsum]

I think it's ok to leave her but not the kid maybe stay in the kids life, but not as the moms boyfriend

[Asker]

I don't want anything to do with a child I don't want.

[ThePundertaker]

Well she did say she was on the pill but I don’t think leaving her is the right thing to do. I mean it’s still your kid and it deserves a father.

[lilyhasquestions]

I mean you should at least visit the child from time to time when born so they know who their real dad is

[Asker]

No. I want nothing to do with the child. Pretty much the same as an abortion but from a man's perspective. Is it wrong to do that?

[lilyhasquestions]

Personally, yeah thats kinda fucked up

[Asker]

It fucked up to ditch the baby?

[lilyhasquestions]

Kinda yeah

[Asker]

Hold up. Would you say the same to a woman considering an abortion?

[lilyhasquestions]

Yeah I personally dont like abortions but a women can do what she wants just like you can leave you kid its still a shitty thing to do tho

[MindYourEyes]

She told you that she lied?

[Asker]

Pretty much

[MindYourEyes]

Dang that’s fucked up. But I dunno that’s a hard situation.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

It's very unfair and it proves you don't love her

[Asker]

It's unfair? So it's OK that she lied? And its OK to force me to take care of a child I don't want? That's not fair at all.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

No that's not fair either but you have to realize that she is having a baby and it is yours you have to think about the kid not yourself

[CT_CD]

It's fine

[CT_CD]

I agree. It's unfair.

[Revolver_]

Racist