Girlfriend cannot get pregnant and I won’t lie, I’m thinking of leaving over it. Should I?

Question

I (26) have never dated, haven't kissed at all, never had sex, until this woman (38). I got rejected like 20 times a year (she doesn’t know this though lol). I told her about my inexperience and she wasn't bothered and thought it was kind of sweet, but did tell me this would be different for her as well, since she's usually the less experienced one when she has had sex.

Her and I had been on a few dates and had made out, but finally started hooking up on the 4th date. I was having performance anxiety a few times but she was understanding. Then, after being able to get hard after a few try, I came too quick. She was ok with it. Then we found our rhythm and it has been amazing. I care about her so much and really wanted her to be my girlfriend soon, it felt like it was going that way. I felt like this was it. I decided to start dating her.

Fast forward to now, we aren’t married but I did bring up the notion of having kids. She said she can’t get pregnant at her age, she apparently tried 2 years ago with her ex (who she left after he got into drugs fwiw). She even got tested and she really is “overaged”. However, she offered to adopt. I won’t lie that this puts a damper on things because I really want kids that are biologically mine. I have for some time.

The woman I’m with can tell I am off and I can tell she's a little nervous about it. This is killing me because she's amazing but now I'm wondering if I should explore for someone who IS fertile? Me being age-appropriate for women who can have children makes me consider this more, tbh. I don't think she's the type that would give a second chance. I'm so torn. I think I can fall in love with this woman, she seems like the girl of my dreams, but now I'm questioning it. And now I picture HER breaking it off with ME and that would destroy me. I wanted to ask her to be my wife and now I don't know.

TLDR; girlfriend is infertile and I’m thinking of looking for someone who isn't.

Avicenna · Answer

You’re plenty young enough to have kids with another woman a decade from now if it doesn’t work out with this one. If you like her, stay with her.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Sounds like she’s not infertile unless she’s been medically tested for such. 30’s is not too old to have kids, thats an outdated belief. Many women have kids in their 30’s. Her ex could have had a low sperm count, making her unable to get pregnant. I’d been having sex for years and never got pregnant until I met my current boyfriend, and then got pregnant easily. Turned out I wasn’t infertile, I’d just been with men who had low sperm counts.

But overall if you want kids and she doesn’t want kids regardless of her excuse, then yes you should move on to someone who does want children with you. Having children is a big deal and shouldn’t have to be compromised on if you want them.

Anonymous · Answer

I assume you were the one that asked her out and courted her

Girlfriend cannot get pregnant and I won’t lie, I’m thinking of leaving over it. Should I?

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