Why are many people ok with having sex with strangers?

Question

I mean, I don't get why you'd be ok with allowing inside your body/ getting inside someone's body when you didn't allow them in your heart. I personally wouldn't be ok sleeping with someone I don't share some kind of connection with.

How someone would be ok with sex, but not sharing other personal stuff is beyond my understanding. I am curious on how other people view this. I don't have anything against you if you do it, I am just trying to understand the other person's point of view.

BlueCoyote · Accepted Answer

So, I've never actually had casual sex. Not because I didn't want to though but because I couldn't get it.

That being said, I've always struggled to understand your point of view (uttered by many other women too, of course).

For me, physical interaction is literally just that: physical interaction. It's like a handshake or a kiss on the cheek. I don't feel particularly vulnerable during sex. Not more so than I feel vulnerable during a handshake. Maybe women are just more insecure about their body? I don't know.

Reflecting on multiple conversations I've had with my wife, I think what makes me kind of special/unique is that I'm a radically rational person. I am what you could call a "fundamentalist materialist". I base my life entirely on rationality and reason. Now, that doesn't mean I hate emotions. In fact, I value them very much in certain situations. However, I try very strongly to purge myself of any emotions that cannot be explained with logic and reason. I believe that irrational emotions are harmful and detrimental; not just to myself but also to people around me.

So, what does this mean in practical reality? It means that for example I don't mind casual sex. Why? Because the way I look at it, you're literally just rubbing skin onto another person's skin. Now, it might be genitals instead of hands but in the end, it's still skin. It's all molecules. I cannot see how or why this should make me feel uncomfortable. And if it did, I would want to immediately change this. I do NOT want to be the kind of person who says stuff like "I just don't like it because I don't like it." If I did feel difficult about the idea of casual sex (like you do), I would ask myself: are there GOOD reasons to feel this way? Or am I simply scared? I believe there aren't any good reasons. Which is why I don't feel uncomfortable about it. My rationality dictates my emotions.

I'll give you another example:
When I was younger, I used to be very jealous. Then I met my wife and in the early stages of our relationship, my jealousy increased even more. I was constantly scared she might have sex with another guy although she didn't give me any reason to be afraid.

Then I finally stopped and turned on my brain. What if, I asked myself. What if? Let's say she had sex with another guy! So what? How is that gonna hurt me? I suddenly realized: It's NOT. This is all just irrational emotions. It's my own, inflated ego that doesn't want to be offended. If my wife had sex with (cont.)

ak667 · Accepted Answer

There was a connection for me in every case no matter how quickly things heated up. There was some sense of knowing each other, if you will, and a chemistry that doesn't require knowing every little detail in my case. That's how I'm wired anyway.

Sex is still a very intimate for me, but sometimes there's a sense of being comfortable and knowing each other in some sense without having known each other that long. You might have that quality sometimes with a person who very quickly becomes a close friend.

There is a downside of course in that you might bond so well and be so connected emotionally and mentally when things heat up and then discover you aren't very compatible any other way. But there's a similar kind of disappointment in the reverse scenario where you can spend a lot of time together and be so great as friends but aren't so compatible as lovers.

I've never found a perfect way to approach this but I came to prefer a style of dating which does tend to heat up quickly but is careful in terms of building hopes and dreams of a kind which can lead to bitter disappointments if things don't work out so well in the long run.

Ellie-V · Accepted Answer

Some people know how to separate emotions from pleasure, some do not.
And everyone values themselves differently... not more or less—just differently.
Allowing someone inside you whether it’s with one person or a billion people doesn’t have to be some sacred, soul binding act. Sex can either be about one or both people. A person sleeping around is just them finding sex for themselves. And it does matter who it is. Strangers still need to grab the attention of the person well enough to get laid. If promiscuous people weren’t choosy AT ALL, then they’d be accepting of rape and sexual assault.

Mil00 · Accepted Answer

I enjoy it. I can't explain why though. Its just refreshing, especially when you just got out of a relationship, sometimes random dick or pussy helps out. 🤷🏾

People are allowed to do whatever they wish with THEIR body.

You want to have sex with a random person off meetme at 3am, then someone else at 10pm? Go for it, just use protection and always get tested.

xkildy · Answer

Yeah , I don't get it either I made a question a bit ago about , why we think there is a difference in sex and dating, aka love. People did not respond well. It seems there is a large thing about sex being different then dating and excludes love. One of the things that said was. Sex first then dating after. I was floored and sad , each person has there own right to fell and think of there own. But I was raised to fell love before dating , to fell like i could see my self with this women before even jumping in the sack with her, to be honest your risking your whole life by jumping in sexual with people you don't know and i guess that's a part that they love. Hope they love the kids they are making the trouble there putting the mothers though before she let her lust outweigh her choices. In my head. Its , HI , the girl says hi back you talk enjoy each others company and you get to know the person that could be your partner in life , with those thoughts in mind you see if you click and work towards understand what you want in life and if she is in to that , ask her views and if they match its a good thing. GRRRRrrrrrrr..

Syrian_survivor · Answer

Because of gradual loss of morals, values, tradition, and respect towards others AND oneself in the world caused mostly by the media which promotes sex in many direct and indirect ways

Sex is more and more becoming the "cool thing that everyone should do" these days, and people do it because while it seems so accessible, easy, and quick for most people, it also seems very pleasurable, so they do it without any doubts because they see it as a great deal with no harm in it, not thinking about how this could affect their future, how it could stain their reputation, how it could take away very precious things from them and forbid them from beautiful things in life

Some people realize that eventually, some of them would just get depressed and are forced to live their life as a sex toy so they can make themselves feel better, while others try to throw their past away and start pure and anew, but the past always leaves its marks in one's life

It's a growing social problem, its effects might be expressed with the decreased marriage rate, which increases breakups of couples, increasing the number of single parents, therefore mostly giving out a poorly raised child who contributes to making society worse

All of this critically divides society, that's why it's such a big growing problem

Levin · Answer

TBH, I do get a lot of people interested in me. But I just can't go through with it. I don't like stringing people along and playing with peoples' feelings. I know I'd just get bored quickly and bin them. Plus it doesn't feel quite right to shag someone when the attraction is purely physical.

To answer the question, there's lots of reasons.

But sex feels good, and it gets you away from your problems. I think a lot of people don't have love, or don't think they can find it, maybe they even think they're undeserving of it. Plus, I think it's to do with societal conditioning and experiences from parents growing up. A lot of people probably didn't experience unconditional love.

I mean, sex is fun. But I do need to feel something with that person.

Sex can also present a dichotomy. Between physical attraction and 'spiritual' attraction. Sometimes the two don't tally. It's quite hard to find a person where everything matches up.

I do think this is a lot to do with the messages we get from society. Substance is scarce and lacking.

Alex12112 · Answer

You can reply in a calm, genuine way since your mentality already matches hers. Something like this would work well:

Honestly, I feel the same way.
For me, physical intimacy without emotional connection just feels incomplete. I’ve never really understood how someone can be comfortable sharing their body with a person they can’t even be emotionally vulnerable with.

I’m not judging anyone either — people view relationships differently — but I personally value emotional connection first. It’s actually refreshing to hear someone explain it the way you did. Or if you want a slightly more flirty/warm version:

You basically described my mindset perfectly.
I’ve always felt that if I can’t connect with someone emotionally, physical intimacy doesn’t really mean much to me. Sharing your body feels like one of the most personal things possible, so naturally I’d want trust, comfort, and a genuine bond first.

And honestly, it’s rare to see someone express this so clearly nowadays... Where to find someone like you...😅

Vanessa_01 · Answer

they are animals.. deep inside, they know it happens bcs they are not just able to control themselves haha. They keep justifying their behavior.. but then they can't tell their parents they had sex with a stranger.. not to mention, to their future children :p. Guys, do only things that you would allow your child to do

Browneye57 · Answer

Most don't, so you're in the vast majority. It's just the ones that do like to brag about it since it makes them feel superior. Normal people need an emotional connection before getting naked and doing it. Especially women.

Girls are the keepers of sex.
Guys are the keepers of commitment.
Don't be giving up yours 'till you get at least a little of his. :)

DublinRollerGirl · Answer

Because the guys think with the wrong head, and women are dumber than snot when the think they won't get pregnant or get a STD. They like playing Russian Roulette. They may miss the bullet a couple of times but odds are they will get their come uppance sooner or later.

Zer0Ghost · Answer

I think people who have trouble with the concept of one night stands/hookups/open sex are just socialized differently. They were taught or forced or established sex is not something you can have without love, despite them being two separate things. But love is not a prerequisite, sex in fact feels quite great all on it's own and there's nothing wrong with seeking physical pleasure with another grown human being.

As a whole we're just becoming more sexually open about things as we try to pry the taboo away from sexual intimacy. We understand that life is risk but that doesn't mean we should be afraid of doing things that are pleasurable for us. Sex and love don't have to be interchangeable and that's just okay for us.

princessfromjupiter · Answer

I don’t understand hookups either but I think it’s absolutely possible for many people to completely separate sexual from mental/emotional attraction. I. e. if you want to have sex with someone but don’t like their personality or mindset or whatever, why wouldn’t you do it anyways? For most people, there’s no need to get into anything deeper in those cases.

AneeB · Answer

I understand what you’re trying to say. Sex is an intimate thing and I personally wouldn’t go and do it with any random stranger. It’s a very private thing for me and I need a personal connection with the person before anything physical could happen between us to be honest.

11dog22 · Answer

Depending. For me if I get a chance. I hadn’t had sex for two years. It be nice to feel worth of another person.

Other excuses. She cute or hot and I want to Bang this chick with no strings attach.

Got buzz feeling confident (not drunk or waisted), flirting with random woman. We talk flirt she happen to be lonely.

In other words. Either the need to release energy or need to feel another body.

Worst case. No choice and need money to pay for hotels or to get food. Or drug / drinking habit.

Take your pick-

Lance1965 · Answer

To quote my cheating ex - "it is only sex, it is really not that bad." This is the attitude of so many people now. It is disturbing.

MLGbreezy · Answer

Sex is sex at the end of the day your connection like you said you don't have a connection so it doesn't matter as long as you reach your goal in the end. When it really counts is when you find that special someone to share that intimate moment with that you can feel the intimacy. like i can have sex with someone for satisfaction and it can be great sex but then i can have sex with someone for love and it will be passionate sex there's a difference just like there's a difference between lust and love

DementedCutie342 · Answer

Not something I'm personally into doing because I just know myself and I need some sort of connection... But sex is amazing and can be fun and some people just enjoy no strings attached sex and the novelty and thrill. Different strokes for different folks:)

marijajr · Answer

Usually I sleep with someone to forget someone I love. It worked out well just one time. And then I met a guy, he was the only guy I loved and didn't sleep with him. At that moment my depression and Ptsd got really bad so I had a terrible fear of being in a relationship with him because he was the only guy who truly respected me. And I never deal with it so I had the biggest fear. After that I slept with someone to try to forget that guy I love so much and it didn't work out. Eventually I started to be so angry at myself so I'm now in the hospital, dealing with Ptsd and doctors said that all I was doing before is because I think that I didn't deserve love and happiness. That's why I slept with strangers.

nonratracereality · Answer

My opinion is that it's the entire situation from beginning to present that depicts if you will be involved without really being involved. Attraction likeability interest curiosity all stem our thoughts on how and if to proceed. Usually there is some emotion some degree of like in order to pursue. Some people decide that having sex is like having a drink dancing sharing a ride once you've decided you pursue. Mind heart soul and body or a combination of the above which allows you to decide to ho or not. We like to be together and if there's a connection some plunge some wait and some dont bother.

Myk13 · Answer

It’s just sex. I think the first time having sex with woman (that I just met) for the first time is the greatest. As strangers, knowing absolutely nothing about one another is part of the excitement. The fact that we will probably never see each other again, frees you of all boundaries. Don’t get me wrong. If I mention something that they are not interested in trying. It doesn’t happen. It also allows me the opportunity to appreciate and enjoy more of the beautiful art form that is the human female body. That’s how I see it.

GingerGuy · Answer

For me, it's kind of two separate things (or can be). I want NOTHING more than what you describe, an emotional connection with someone that really cares about me to have sex with. But I can't (and have never) found her! In the meantime, I have an extremely high sex drive and horny all the time. I crave the sex and intimacy, so that's why I can have sex with a "stranger". It's fulfills that "need" somewhat (better than nothing at all) you know? Like if you are starving for food, yet all you can find is a snack, when what you really want is a full course meal, but you're starving, so you're going to eat the snack. That's the feeling. I mean, food is to survive lol, but the feeling is the same.

Anonymous · Answer

I've simply never viewed sex as all that intimate, I was curious about it had sex felt really good and found out I had a high sex drive. I liked the thrill of it, liked finding out what different sizes felt like and revealed in the pleasure. Never got butthurt about it, normally had that glow after having a good night.
I dont get why you'd say you need a connection, what does that do you feel closer and fall in love more, having sex makes you feel loved or two minds one body type of thing. I mean all sex is, is two genitals in one another and causing each other people pleasure and fun.

Nicebutnotlast · Answer

It can be hard to understand. There are different kinds of connections between people. Length, depth, intensity, commitment are all different things and can be at different levels. Comfort level for each person is a large factor too. I’ve been married 13 years and sex is profound because of that long term connection. My other partner I’ve been with for about a year. Our connection is incredible too. Though it lacks that same amount of time, and depth, it’s very intense. I value both of them.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree. And people are wondering why so many people cheat. It starts with that. You get horny there's an available dick/pussy nearby, so why not? Humans are higher than animals for a reason - we don't act and indulge in every instincts that we have.

Devilordante · Answer

That's because not everyone holds sex to the same high standard, some people can very easily separate sex from emotional stuff, so they only do it for the pleasure, and whenever it comes time to get serious with someone, then they go all out for that person.

coralee · Answer

Well firstly I don’t make the connection between sex and love that you obviously do. Sex to me is a by product of lust not love. I can love someone without having sex with them. Love is emotional sex is physical they exist on two entirely separate planes for me. They can converge and often do but they don’t need to be together.

lavarule · Answer

Relationships are risky. You share yourself, you invest and you open yourself up to being hurt.

Sex with strangers simulates the intimacy and fills a physical need with no risk, at least not to your heart.

It's a simple consequence of all the bad relationships, lack of commitment, divorce, etc... in our society. While you are risking physical health, overall it feels safer to not care about anyone.

vittle1999 · Answer

There is physical chemistry and emotional chemistry. Sex with strangers is physical chemistry. It's like an adventure ride that either gives thrills or massive disappointments. But emotional chemistry is a lot deeper and requires a ton of trust. Physical chemistry does not require much trust.

A_Bell · Answer

There is a thrill in it that magnifies the horniness factor. Add a couple of glasses of wine and suddenly you get a tingle down there start to think about pulling your skirt down and wrapping your legs around him.

Sex is one of the greatest things about being alive.

InTimoreDei · Answer

Sexual Intercourse is no longer a physical act that is sacred and special. People nowadays just do it with whoever they want. I, too, could never share my body with someone that I am not bonded with. Fluids emanating, body parts touching, et cetera is disgusting to me if you're not going to spend your life with that person.

Pamina · Answer

What exactly do you mean by sex with strangers? Like an ONS with someone you just met during a night out?

Well, it's about having fun together, plain and simple. The thing is, not everyone's demisexual. I'm actually pretty sure that the majority of people aren't.

master_shaggswell · Answer

I actually get excited about not knowing anything about my partner. I've done it about 5 or 6 times and sometimes we've never even met so the first seconds of meeting can be intense! As long as we are all on the same page I'm totally fine with stranger sex and usually will dive right in! So if you come over to see me and you end up leaving with a soaked pussy that keeps seeping through your pants. Wear a skirt next time! I'll get right at licking your pussy sooner and easier and those panties you were wearing are soaked now and need a wash so they won't be going back on! You can leave em here, I'll have em for you next time. Although you probably won't be putting them on then either!

taleswapper · Answer

Sex is fun, More sex is more fun. We evolved to have sex casually, with multiple partners. Humans don't "mate", we fuck.

The fact that you have tied something so basic as sex (an act as easy is eating) to something esoteric only says something about your degree of inhibition. While it's certainly common, it's in no way natural.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

I've mentioned much the same thing, how does a woman allow a man she doesn't know literally inside her whom she would under any other circumstance not even allow inside her house? Seems a little backwards.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I agree with you. I couldn't have sex with a Woman that i know we don't love each other. That is why i believe in sex to after marriage.

ImJustCurious13 · Answer

I agree, but know why. Its because some people rather live like gross animals with no self control or self respect. I need to have actual feelings for someone if I'm going to have sex with them. People who do thing like sleeping with strangers can stay in the cesspool while people like you (asker) and me will have sex with someone who actually makes us feel good in more than our genitals.

Celtero · Answer

They're afraid that they're not capable of being loved because their personality sucks and if people get to know them better they'll abandon them. So the only way they get sex is by having it with people while there's still that initial charm, curiosity, and intrigue.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel the same. I don’t know why, but I’m just not attracted to strangers. Like if they’re good looking, I’ll notice. But I don’t get sexual thoughts about them. Not until we’ve been on a few dates.

My friends who do it say they just do it because they want sex.

ATuairiscean · Answer

I find it very hard to understand how anybody can have sex with strangers

Chuck9z · Answer

I am with you on that I shared love with one woman and I just had sex With another. The one I just had sex with it didn't really mean a thing it didn't feel good it didn't make me happy It was just that sex a wham bam thank-you-ma'am. It's just not the same as when you love someone. Because when you love your giving them something you're giving them part of yourself they're taking part of you And they're enjoyin it. Stay the way you are you've got it right.

xBuddyLovex · Answer

The world is lost and don't know how to love or what love is supposed to mean anymore it's very sad.
I am disappointed in both men and women
Women a little more because their all say they're sensitive and emotional but they are Nowadays worse than men SMH
The want lust not Love
They need Christ

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Well here is the great part about this country.. hell the world we live in.. you don’t need to understand. You can go about and live your life and let others live there’s.. that’s the beauty of free society. People can do what they want (within reason) and don’t have to answer to you, me or anyone about it.. isn’t that amazing?

happyhippo · Answer

Three words: People are horny. They seek pleasurable satisfaction, fulfilment of their egoistic desire. As they can separate their emotional side from their sexual one, it's very possible and not at all that bad.

FriedPickles1218 · Answer

I am sooooo relieved to hear there are actually girls like you out there in 2018 phewww. Completely agree.

Eternallylucky · Answer

There could be many reasons; one is a big one which is sexual trauma/abuse, broken heart thanks to a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend, they just have a higher sex drive, influenced by pop culture and peers and it's cos they do it as a job to make quicker money in their desperate situation.

iLeaf · Answer

I personally feel that once you disconnect the idea that sex and relationships are not mutually exclusive you will understand why.

Sex for many is a pleasurable act, and something many people of both sex's and all genders enjoy for the sake of sex.

Relationships don't have to involve sex, they can be an enjoyable thing to share experiances with another and sex can be left out entirely.

I hope this shows a new perspective.

ItalianGuy777 · Answer

I used to feel the same way as you but the reality is tomorrow is not a given so why not just have some fun while we are alive? Waiting is just a stupid thing to do trust me I know from experience after all sex is about carrying on the human race it is not about emotions and feelings not at all.

luvstoned4him · Answer

I could never do it, I get attached and I want it to be meaningful.

Engageme · Answer

I used to feel that way too till I entered the dating world again and realized there was such a small pool to choose from so I learned to get my sexual need met and move on down the road. No reason for me to be both lonely AND horny lol.

OldSchool_Metalhead · Answer

I wouldn't want it from a stranger. if someone else prefers that, then its their business and not mine.

rebornnora · Answer

Love and sex can be separate. You can be a acesexual person and have a lover without doing anything sexual or you can be a sky rocketing libido person and just only have sex without committing a relationship. It easier to understand if you separate the two.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Cause sex is fun so why not have it with a random person.  If a random hot girl came up to me and wanted sex i would be fine with it.  Sex is just sex don't need a connection for that.

CuChullan · Answer

Sex is self gratification, an ego boost, it's very pleasurable, it's a lot of fun. Some ONS can be far more satisfying than relationship based sex. There are times you just need a fun fuck for the sake of a fun fuck.

lilaqua · Answer

Sex is just sex for some of us. It's really dependent on the person

Didi1337 · Answer

Well im honestly like you, if i have sex i have sex with friends of with a girlfriend if i have one. At parties i usualy prefeer just giving an orgasm if a girl wants me, instead of using my penis at all.

But people are different, and its so okey to have sex now that the social media almost encourage it

sinastyle · Answer

Because women want to be wanted. I am sometimes attracted by charm, intelligence and humor too- an intense conversation is sometimes more sexually activating. If he additionally touches me slightly then I can not control myself anymore. And so it happens that it ends up similarly with intense unrestrained sex.

Alice2398 · Answer

Know idea. seems really gross and uncomfortable to me. I wouldn't want to be in a compelety strangers bed. I don't know his history what if he has a STD or even worse trys to kill me or something

Danahghani · Answer

Guess they wouldn’t feel guilty when it’s over 🤷🏻‍♀️ It would be horrible using a friend in such way.

ImagineSketchy · Answer

Pleasure is pleasure and not everyone is after a connection. I personally have never connected feelings with sex. Then again, I am a hedonist, so most of what I do is for the pursuit of pleasure.

wiseyoungman · Answer

Think of it as mutual masturbation. We both wanna feel good, simple as that. I'm more confused by why you WOULDN'T? Why do people think that sex has to have an emotional connection?

Anonymous · Answer

Sex has absolutely nothing to do with love. Sex is a recreation, a hobby basically. Yes, couples who are in love have it, but thats meaningless. Sex is a natural human need, love is an individual thing, and monogamy is a social construct with humans...

lovemyirishman · Answer

I am so not ok. I rather make love with my boyfriend then some random stranger.

NatashaJ · Answer

Honestly, I agree with you I never be comfortable with it and I am tired of people trying to pressure you into being ok fucking them lol nope.

Why are many people ok with having sex with strangers?

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