How can I deal with regret over making a big and probably wrong life decision?

[Anonymous]

Three years ago, I quit my job and moved to a new country.

My previous job was well-paid, which allowed me to buy and do whatever I wanted. The only bad thing was that the administration was really bad: firing people for no clear reasons, watching employees in a controling way, hiring imcompetent managers who make their subordinates' life like hell, and other stuff. I had a few unpleasant episodes there. All thess things gave me and othrrs constant anxiety.

So when I a job opportunity in a different country, I took it. The company seemed decent, and the salary seemed fine, but of course much lower than the previous job. Taking this as an opportunity to finally quit and keep my dignity, I did. The idea that finally I was getting rid of toxic workplace was very appealing.

Little did I know what was coming.
First, the new place didn't turn out to be that professional. They did tings in weird ways, attributing their ways to local culture. I told myself ' it's OK, there is no perfect job', which is right. But what made things worse was a financial crisis I had. Were my salary high, I wouldn't have had to get a loan from the bank. But I did.

I do not miss my old job, but I miss my old comfortable life. I have disvovered that I have been trying to deny I regret my decision for three years now. But today, I found myself crying with regret. This sounds crazy because I hated my previous job and I would not go back there. I feel I was stupid to get my current job in this current place, which didn't turn out to be a great place for an expat.

I feel I am trapped here forever: trapped in my debt, job and a place I don't really like.

The mistake I did was following my close friend's advice. She meant to help me, but she failed to put herself in an expat's shoes.

Today, regret is killing me. I tell myself I should have stayed until I found a really good and well-paying job.

How can I alleviate this resurfacing regret?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate it❤☺

[mellowman]

I understand that it is easier to advise someone than it is to walk in their shoes. I had a life changing event over a decade ago and had some similar circumstances. It did bothered the heck out of me.

I have had some real breakthroughs since. I have come to realize that things like expensive clothes and fine dinning are really nice, but they are completely unneccessary in everyday life. It is still discouraging when I want to buy something for nieces and nephews on impulse.
Overall in a weird way I am glad I was forced to dig myself out, even though there is more digging. I appreciate the value of money a lot more and cannot believe how much I wasted in my prevous life.
I finall yrealized that regret was not a healthy emotin for me, but it took a while.

[Asker]

Yeah, you are right. But being able to buy whatever you want (reasonably of course) without calculations gives me a sense of fullfilment.

[winterfox10]

Try to enjoy the little things in life for the time being. You would be amazed at how much taking a tally of your blessings can improve your outlook. You should start applying for jobs that are in a more stable economic zone.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice. It really helps😊

[winterfox10]

No problem! Good luck!

[nhocloverock]

I am in the same situation actually. I left my well paid job and a rather amazing lifestyle to move to a new country (another continent!) just to have a change of environment. Got an ok job which is much lower than my old job with zero excitement. I question myself everyday if I have made the wrong decision. I guess everything happens for a reason and better things might come later on. Think of it as a challenge and you never know what would happen later on until it happens. You might get a super great job and the regret will be gone. Good luck and if you wanna talk, PM me :)

[nhocloverock]

What is wrong with you?

[Asker]

Thanks girl. PM😊

[Izumiblu]

Not sure how on earth you take an expat job with a pay cut, half of the reason you ever take an expat job is cuz they are paying a premium to get experienced people they don’t have access to in their normal market. That should’ve been your first clue it was going to be shit.

Now that you’re there you need to quit sulking and change your situation. Get out of the one you’re in. Quit trying to figure out how to not regret it and figure out how you’re going be better off 6 months down the road.

[Asker]

When I quit I was trying to escape my stressful job. I was too hopeful to realize that things will get really bad. You are right.

[Asker]

@lolololooooo whay the hell is wrong with you?

[Izumiblu]

Well stress makes people make bad decisions. So, everyone makes bad decisions at one point or another and honestly you could be way worse off. Go find a different job.

[ladygaga18]

Sorry to hear that you feel you made the wrong choice by moving and leaving your job. My advice to you is this: don't live in the past. What's done is done, you can't change what has already happened. Live in the present, and focus on bettering your future. If your job caused you to have anxiety, maybe it was for the best anyways. Goodluck!

[Asker]

Thank you☺

[MollyTheOriginal]

You have to take what you learned from those mistakes, choose new adaptive behavior, and accept the past was just that, the past, but commit yourself to healthier decisions that are right for you moving forward. Having social support behind you helps, too.

[Asker]

Reasonable advice, thanks!

[jennifer_bloom]

You could quit your current job and get a new job that pays more and once you pay off your debt - return to your lower paying job that makes you happier.

[Asker]

I've been actively applying for over a year with no success.

[Asker]

This makes me feel trapped 😑

[jennifer_bloom]

Even if it takes 2 years - it's worth it - it will pay off your debt. See if you can locate an old co-worker on facebook and ask them to act as your reference if they approve your friend request.

[MaverickAngel]

Sometimes it's one step back and two steps forward. Start looking for opportunities to enjoy the space your in and make the most of your decision...

[madgoat]

I would say stop blaming yourself and let go of the past. Only what you can do now matters, even if it takes time.

[abourbeau558]

There’s always rook for change- keep looking. Keep your chin up 😀

[SunnyCaliGirl]

You overcome it and learn from the situation. Rebuild your life for the better and don't look back on what could have been

[WhoDatGuy]

You can't look back.
Just remember when one door closes another one opens

[Paris13]

You Live and Learn from that Burn... And Move on from it. xx

[Denz1510]

All you can do is learn from your past mistakes

[ChocolateMarie2001]

No regret can’t go back keep going forward.

[GreenGold1992]

life goes on