I used to have severe depression from age 17 to 31. And while I'm "better" now, it never truly goes away. Just diminishes in occurrences a bit. Like, instead of feeling depressed every day, it'll be once a week or something. In my case, it's almost like a period; one week a month. Today, I feel like I'm about to enter my depressed week.
I've been doing kickboxing for several months now and haven't lost a single pound. I need to lose 60 kilograms, which is about 120 pounds, to reach my ideal fit weight. I haven't made a single f*cking bit of progress, even while eating nasty-ass dry chicken breast and brown rice for dinner every night.
I also feel like, because I'm always going to be a f*cking short-sh*t at 180-181 cm, there's no point in any of this. Even if I was slim and fit, I'd still be short, and it'd literally will change nothing in my chances of having a woman. So because I'm short, I'm like, "why the f*ck should I ever bother trying to lose weight?" I might as well be fat and eat whatever I want, than live off of depressing food, spend three years getting fit, and still have just as much of a chance of a partner and relationships as I did before: zero percent.
And then, there's all the stuff wrong with the world. All the political sh*t, all the retardation coming from Joe Biden and his puppetmasters. The fact the entire First World hasn't f*cking nuked China by now. All of it just seems like too much.
I try to write down "All the things I'm grateful for" in order to keep perspective. But it's a short list and all the negatives are far greater in quantity.
DO ANY OTHER MEN ALSO JUST FEEL LIKE GIVING UP ON SOME DAYS?
I don't suggest you DO give up. But it's like sh*t. What kind of world is even left fighting for, nowadays?
Guys, do you ever just feel like giving up on some days?
Oh yeah man... First time I realized I was depressed when I was 14 or 15 and I googled if it was normal to want to die. It comes and goes these days... during highschool it was on my brain at least once an hour of every single day... and then it went to just when I was trying to fall asleep. These days it's every now and again if I'm having a bad week. I'd cut too every now and again...
Shit really hit the fan for me in middle school, when my parents got divorced. My cunt mother started drinking a ton and acting crazy, my father was pissed all the time because he got cheated on and had to pay alimony, (he was already a very angry man who'd make you cry over spilt milk, literally.) And to top it off the girl at school I liked for years decided to spread rumors about me being a pervert even though I was the most innocent boy the world had ever seen. All this culminated in an abysmal self-esteem and effectively zero socialization throughout all my teen years.
The isolation has creeped into my core. I never really had parents... and when I did they did more tearing down than building up. Only quality time I spent with my mother was when she was working off a nasty hangover watching movies in bed. My father would pretend to be involved but there was no connection... we've never had a real conversation, it still feels like we're acquaintances with some mutual memories, and he was such an asshole previously that I'd frequently fantasize about killing him. I've had good online friends but never good real life ones... Most people my age annoy the fuck out of me anyway.
So why should I ever bother in succeeding in anything if I'm always going to be by myself? And I'm not speaking in romantic terms, but I mean as in it often feels like humans and I are a separate species. It's just an empty and meaningless world... So with no motivation to succeed, I feel like a loser, and all this that I've been gifted with physically and intellectually goes to waste because there was never a good reason to make use of it. Literally any form of instant gratification felt more worth it than putting any effort forward.
And here I am, where life is just about continuation. There is no point in suicide, as I'll be dead in 60 years or so anyway and there is nothing to gain from speeding that process up. Maybe life will change, or perhaps it'll be the same picture in a different frame, we'll just have to see. Even if it doesn't change it's not all bad... there's stuff to enjoy, like watching a decent movie, listening to a good podcast, eating a good meal, or getting into bed when you're very tired.
Anyway... enough about me. I think you're a good looking guy and if you were fit you'd be one hell of a specimen, but I do think your weight is a flaw. I don't think you're actually short... above average for sure, and it's not like me being 6'4 has come in use with the ladies at any point due to how self-unconfident I am. As for your weight, perhaps you've just gained muscle to offset the fat loss? Gaining muscle quickly can happen when you pick up new exercises. Getting in shape is a very slow process and the biggest thing is to keep up with it. It took me like a year of working out everyday to go from 130lbs to 180lbs and that's pretty extreme because I was fairly malnourished prior to working out. You should make sure your diet is perfect, maybe try keto... Running is really the king of burning calories, but I hear HIIT exercises are good too. I don't really care about politics in the long run as far as the state of the country goes... if everything comes crashing down then I guess I'll just have to cannibalize lefties. Good luck man, stick with it, determination is the most important part. Hopefully tomorrow is better for both of us.
"... And all this that I've been gifted with physically and intellectually goes to waste because there was never a good reason to make use of it. And here I am, where life is just about continuation."
YES. This is exactly how I feel.
"I think you're a good looking guy and if you were fit you'd be one hell of a specimen, but I do think your weight is a flaw."
Thanks.
My trainer says I look slimmer and have less stomach fat, and I am way more flexible and can do high side kicks now, but the number on the scale hasn't moved. I feel like there's no progress in the weight loss. I've done f*cking BURPEES and 3 minute plank holds at that damn gym and still haven't lost any weight! But, whatevs.
I did keto and it does NOTHING for me. I hate keto, now.
And I wish you good luck, too. You'll most likely have a wife in five years or less, however. So you should be fine.
Honestly I wish felt that way sometimes. The urge to keep pushing forward no matter what can be the only thing I feel a lot of the time. That can be a serious issue and I have learned that the hard way several times. Because at times it's like I see the wall I'm heading for and instead of hitting the breaks, I just slammed down on the gas.
Turns out that is how I dealt with depression. Despite being able to accomplishing a lot and getting a lot done, part of me really really wished the wall didn't break when I hit it. I wound up in the hospital for several days due to the entire mess several years ago. My body was in the processes of shutting down. A combination of no sleep, food and water for long enough that my body was cannibalizing itself to keep going.
As for politics. On some level we all know people like Carlin are right. More people just need to be willing to admit it.
Good vid. I just looked up so more George Carlin stuff. I didn't know this MOFO died in 2008! That was only 13 years ago! I thought he died in like, 1999 or something! Long before the modern internet age.
And yes, I feel like Carlin is the father I never had.
Not a guy, but yeah I have days like that. I'm a firm believer in everyone having a purpose tho and asong as you're still earthside, then you haven't fulfilled said purpose. So don't give up.
Also, don't focus so much on the number on the scale. Focus more on how you feel and how your clothes are fitting. Because even though that number hasn't moved, you are still losing inches. And building your stamina.
I'm not a guy but I'm telling you don't give up I know I can't paint you a picture and tell you things a gonna get better but honestly I can tell you that you gotta try to push through and I'm sorry you're depressed, remember try to push through so you can hopefully see better days.
I never felt depression, and generally spearhead others' depression when they are close to me and are all gloomy-doomy like. Depression is stupid, and all it does is stopping you in your track to success.
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