He said really hurtful things while dumping me. Did he really mean it or he just wanted to hurt me?

[Anonymous]

Me and him from conservative culture and we were talking for months.

Then he cut things off in June. I stupidly called him after I had removed him from social media for closure. He brought it up right away in the phone call and said that it was ”drastic”.

He said that he’s looking for his soulmate and a good wife and that he doesn’t want to waste time. He said we are on different wavelenghts and don’t understand each other. He also said that wheb we started to talk he was looking for a wife and wanted to ”try” me wether I’m the right person.

he could’ve just said he’s not interested anymore. Why say all that….

[Pyrofox]

Probably was just wanting to see if you were serious about what you were saying (like did u mean the "I love u's"). And when things like essential relationship info private to gaslight and or guilt him after it all happened.

I just had this happen with a girlfriend and I literally blew up on her. After finding out she was asexual yet was too damn scared I'd leave if she told me. Which completely ruined every romantic moment we had for the last 4 months. I drove 40 minutes both ways almost every weekend to spend time just with her. And she still didn't trust me to stay and that really spoke volumes.

I think he really went off most of all as it felt like he was wasting his time with u. And that is a very dangerous thing psychologically. As it quickly makes memories feel like a waste.

[Asker]

He wanted to cut things off not me..

[Pyrofox]

That's cause you probably failed every test.

[Asker]

What tests?

[Pyrofox]

Do u remember what he told you in person. What he likes and dislikes. Guys are learning to just play a girls game. Vet the partner from the start. If they fail to meet the expectation just drop them like a uncooked egg and leave.

[Asker]

He never actually told me what he likes and dislikes

[Asker]

He didn’t need to be so harsh tho

[Pyrofox]

He probably did you probably were simply too distracted by all his affection to comprehend what he was saying.

[Pyrofox]

The harshness is so you would maybe take the next relationship a little more seriously.

[Asker]

So he thought that I’m not serious about him or something? Do you think he had feelings for me for him to blrow up on me like that?

[Pyrofox]

Probably was vetting u to see if you were wife material. 💝

[Asker]

Do you think he had feelings for me for him to blow up on me like that?

[Pyrofox]

Initially yes. Probably not much anymore.

[Asker]

I hope he comes around…

[Pyrofox]

Your best option is to just. Work on finding yourself. Become the best you and if your really meant for one another life will make the both of you cross paths. For now live your life to the fullest so when you see him again you can look him in the eye as an equal.

[hahahmm]

Let me guess.. he was polite when he actually dumped you. Then you contacted him and he was blunt? I that case he thought you wanted the truth without any sugar coating & he wasn't trying to be "mean" OR he realized the truth would keep you from stalking him by hurting your feelings.

[Asker]

He him self said ” I wanted to call you (after the text saying he didn’t want to continue to date) but when I noticed that you had removed me from instgram I decided not to. Don’t you think it was drastic to remove me from instagram?

[Asker]

He could’ve just said sorry I’m not interested anymore.

[hahahmm]

I didn't grow up with IG so it doesn't really figure much into my thinking on these topics. Dumping you by text message meant he doesn't care at all... and at that point you should forget about the guy, regardless of whether he took you off IG or not.

[Asker]

I took him off

[hahahmm]

If you want conservative/traditional then I wouldn't even be looking on something like iG. Just like if you didn't want a guy who hangs out at bars, picking up every woman he sees, you would not go to a bar to find a man.

[RoulOB]

He was both defending himself and hurting you intentionally.
He felt misunderstood.
Even if it's immature making you feel hurt it's a way of expression for him.

[Asker]

Misunderstood in what?

[RoulOB]

He was looking for a soulmate and a good wife. He said you are on different wavelengths, so I guess you didn't wanted that.

[Asker]

What I didn’t want?

[RoulOB]

Why you aren't on the same wavelength?
Maybe it's timing..

[Asker]

We had misunderstanding

[Asker]

Communication issues

[RoulOB]

So if it's not true what he said, don't worry.
He did everything to hurt you

[Asker]

Why did he intentionally wanted to hurt me?

[RoulOB]

Giving a "punishment" could be a psychological way to make he feel in peace with himself.
Something like giving to you the responsibility of the fail.

[Asker]

Do you think he was hurt himself?

[RoulOB]

Sure, in several months of texting he was surely caring for you.

[Asker]

But he make it seem like we didn’t understand each other at all during those months. same guy that at some points was wishing me good night

[RoulOB]

He "made it seem" .
Blame is always of both, he couldn't accept it and gave all to you.
It isn't right. It isn't true.
I guess you still care about him.

[RoulOB]

Your "removing from social" it's almost the same thing he did.
You kinda made he feel hurt too.

[Asker]

I removed him after he said on text that he doesn’t want to continue to date

[RoulOB]

I would do the same, but if he seen the thing "drastic" he was still hoping for something.

[Asker]

Hahah he’s so confusing.

[boggboss]

Because didn't care about u just wanted to get the conversation iver with

[Asker]

Then why even pick the phone up? He didn’t need to answer me

[Asker]

And why care if I follow him or not if he didn’t care

[boggboss]

🤷🏽‍♂️ I can only answer within the context u provided if u don't add everything my answer won't be correct clearly if he said shit that hurt u he did it for a reason that u are still hung up on him also is a issue that clearly u need to move on

[Asker]

Why would purposely want to hurt me?

[boggboss]

Because he was annoyed with you asking

[Asker]

I just asked if he’d mad at me? I just wanted some clarification…

[boggboss]

And I guess his answer gave u that

[Asker]

He denied being mad at me

[boggboss]

If he is insulting u I would say there is a level of madness

[Asker]

If he had no feelings for ne why is he mad?

[boggboss]

Being mad don't imply feelings

[Jamie05rhs]

If he didn't give an explanation, you probably would have asked him "Why?".

[Asker]

He was very harsh tho

[Asker]

The saying goes hurt people hurt others

[Jamie05rhs]

He probably didn't mean to be harsh. He was probably just speaking plainly. A lot of times men say things that may appear abrupt but there is no ill meaning behind them. That is just how our brains work and how we communicate.

[Asker]

I think he intented to hurt me

[Jamie05rhs]

I hope not.