Should my boyfriend be controlling how I dress in public?

Question

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

No. That's a red flag. In fact that's a 'classic' red flag.

I'm not going to lie. I understand why he might feel a certain way about it.

But that's actually not the point. The point is, you get to dress however you choose.

If your boyfriend has a problem with it, then he can either choose to:

1. Accept the way you dress as 'one of your flaws' (which we all have to accept in a partner);

or

2. If he is unable or unwilling to accept how you choose to dress... then he should break up with you.

Those, are the only two healthy options he has. Trying to tell you what you can, or can't wear is really not an option. That's inherently abusive. It's controlling an aspect of your life, which you have every right to make your own independent choices about: How you choose to dress yourself. There is absolutely no excuse for a guy controlling your freedom to choose this for yourself.

So no. Your boyfriend should not be controlling how you dress in public. Red-flag for sure.

All that being said... since I'm just a random dude on the internet, and since you brought up how you dress, and even included a picture... I think that it might be worthwhile to take a step back and make sure that you are indeed presenting yourself to the world, the way you want the world to see you. And maybe you are. And if you are, then don't change a thing.

But dressing like that does 'say certain things' about what kind of attention you want. Leaving aside the critical point of you not fully understanding the exact nature of that attention... Is it appropriate to be seeking that kind of attention (which is what that shirt says to the world in a very clear way) when you have a boyfriend?

Now, I am obviously biased here. I have my own views on this, and that certainly affects what I'm saying here. I can see where your boyfriend is coming from. It's fine that he 'let you know' he doesn't like you dressing like that (in a general way).

He just can't start trying to tell you 'not to wear' this or that. Nor can he tell you TO wear this or that.

But... most guys wouldn't want their girlfriends to dress like that. A handful of guys would. But... those are the guys that feel proud thinking that other men want to fuck their girlfriend. Most men would have a problem with this.

Now, it IS absolutely your choice how to dress. If you KNOW what the world thinks when you wear a shirt like that. And still choose to do it. That is your choice to make, and your boyfriend needs to either accept your choices, or leave.

But if YOU don't understand why your boyfriend (and most boyfriends) are going to have a problem with you dressing that way... that's fine. But you really will only ever date a 'certain type of guy' (the type of guy who would be ok with his girlfriend dressing that way). I'm not saying that ALL of those guys are shitty guys. I am aware of my own bias here. Let's just say, in my oppinion, most of these guys are shitty guys.

You have the freedom to make this choice independently. Nobody can tell you what you can or can't wear. But your choice may have consequences. (whether that's this guy breaking up with you, or good guys not bothering with you in the future because that shirt screams 'not relationship material').

Just be aware that most guys are going to not be a fan of you dressing that way when you're their girlfriend. If you are aware of that, and don't care. Then no problem. Just understand that the underlying problem your boyfriend has with this... is pretty common to most guys when it comes to their girlfriends.

Well there's a nuanced answer for you. But it's true.

Him controlling you in this way: Red Flag.

but

WHY he wants you not to dress that way: Is a feeling shared by 90% of all men (I... made up that number)

He just needs to understand that he has no right to control this. He either needs to accept it. Or break up with you.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

If you're under 18 and dressing like that, then damn you're in trouble girl. You like your 22, but you're not. And even if you were, its risky... seriously well-intentioned guys would not find this sexy or descent way to dress... well not sexy as far as dating material. You will be getting a lot of attention from the absolutely worst types of men. Which is probably what your boyfriend is worried about, and it is making feel insecure about it... he thinks your sexy but dressing like slut and he does not like it. But you were doing this before he came around, and honestly its probably what attracted him to you in the first place.

No your boyfriend should never control anything about you, but your parents seriously need to be taking a more active interest in how you are presenting yourself to the world... because girl let me tell you... it's not good for your future.

Nomina · Accepted Answer

Hmmm. Controlling, maybe not. Expressing dislike for what she's wearing -especially if it's way tok revealing - I think is fair.

And I'm also of the bend that a lot of my skin is only for my guy's eyes only. It breeds a sense of possessiveness that I find really hot.

SeriouslyFunny00 · Accepted Answer

It's natural for men to protect women, especially the ones they care about. I personally don't find the word " controlling " accurate, unless he's too much.

Lionman95 · Answer

Controlling no but he can still express if he thinks something is suitable nor not.

If you completely neglect his advice you should also consider breaking up because chances that he´s the wrong guy since this will be a constant argument between the two of you.

Mansearching · Answer

No he shouldn't. You should. But there are places to dress like you have in pic. Keep in mind where you're going to and people around. Might not where that at a company Christmas party for example. You know what I mean? But you look gorgeous.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

No, but he has the right to feel uncomfortable if you're dressing in a way that you know is going to get you attention.

SnowedIn · Answer

No. Don't let your SO, any SO, be controlling. But, if he doesn't  like  how you dress, that's a when different discussion.

boggboss · Answer

No but equally he has a choice if he wants to be with you if u dress in a way that makes him uncomfortable

HighValue · Answer

I would leave a woman if she insisted on dressing like you are in that picture.

call_me_scar · Answer

Not at your age no, if older and that is what your into then I'm no one to judge but by the sound of it your not 100% ok with it so I'd say no

Paulychicagoluv · Answer

No one should be controlling anyone in any aspect of their life. Unless the person wants it though. That part I can never understand though. Wear what you want.

SamK20 · Answer

Controlling? No, advising, yes. If that's how you dress for public outings then you have quite a lot on display, it's going to attract plenty of attention, attention that he might not want.

exitseven · Answer

I would not be too crazy about you dressing like that in public either.

Googlemyahoo · Answer

If my girlfriend was asking strangers on a website for relationship advice I’d dump her

XLBBC4White · Answer

If that's you and you picked it out - keep being you girl - very nice

Guanfei · Answer

You're under 18. Your parents should be controlling that.

Stevefiveo · Answer

You dress great. If he doesn't like it , then you can easily find someone that will.

Wiredone · Answer

He can't control what you wear but he can tell you if he thinks you are dressing inappropriately.

collie22 · Answer

You look Hot, I guess he doesn't like anyone getting a look

Emanon25 · Answer

I wouldn’t like it if my girlfriend wears that in public.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

No he shouldn't but you have to decide if that something you want in your life cause I promise you the controlling ways won't stop there

TallAnon · Answer

No, but he does have the freedom to give an opiniom, like everyone else.

Farmerboy2 · Answer

if it’s not appropriate he has an opinion. But he doesn’t own you.

panamared1 · Answer

Never, that would let him controll other aspects of your life

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, he should. He does not want other men to get a hardon looking at your ass or tits in tight clothing

Nikki1989 · Answer

No man should ever do that.

jshm2 · Answer

Yes, as you've no style.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Do you tell him how to dress?

joeldalton · Answer

none of this is true.

Ashleywonders · Answer

Absolutely not.

swettannie · Answer

how do you feel about that?

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

Yes, look at you dressed like a 304.

AngryCarl · Answer

Not unless it's your kink.

Anonymous · Answer

The way you are dressed there... Then yes

Anonymous · Answer

No, that is your parents responsibility.

sheikalana · Answer

Absolutely not.

Kelly6 · Answer

Nope never

dean53AU · Answer

No he should not...

In_Trance · Answer

nope

Should my boyfriend be controlling how I dress in public?

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