Where it bothers me is when she wears see through shirts where anyone can see through to her bra, and with some shirts see everything from the waste up. I am also iffy about shirts where she does not wear a bra and although you can not actually see anything, her nipples poke right through the shirt. When it comes to normal clothing like short shorts and low cut tops, okay that is completely normal and I have no issue. Im just confused why someone would want to wear these in general, with or without a boyfriend, as they are see through enough that she might as well not wear a shirt at all.
Should a boyfriend have any say over what his girlfriend wears when it comes to a shirt like this for example?
Updates
+1 y
Is it okay to let your girlfriend know he is uncomfortable with some of the things she wears? (Simply to voice concern and not to control what she wears)
Updates
+1 y
I feel like a lot of people are taking this as asking for control over what she wears. I’m just asking if It’s okay to speak up and voice my concern. Obviously I can’t tell her what she can and can not wear.
Should a boyfriend have any say over what his girlfriend wears?
This is why you date - to actually be able to discern whether it's a match or not. If you cannot communicate what you like and dislike about the other, and be able to come to a common ground in all things, perhaps it's just NOT a match. So no, you don't 'control' what she wears, but if something looks as you say, there's never anything wrong with making that comment - "hey, anybody can see right through that." And watch her response, reaction. You'll get a better read on where she's going with all that. Perhaps she does this for you, or for other validation and attention. It is not done unintentionally or absentmindedly. No, she does this for a reason. My bet is if you step back even further an observe more objectively, there are other character flaws at play as well.
You have no real say, but you can ask her if she would change for you, if she refuses then your only option is to put up with it or dump her. I suggest dumping her, personally I couldn't trust her if she was doing that, it seems to me like she is taking steps to specifically try and show off her body in any socially acceptable way she can. What would people think if I wore pants that were see through and everyone could see my underwear? Probably that I was a sexual deviant who wanted people to stare at my crotch, why else would you try to show off underwear? It's specifically designed to be worn under clothes and hidden.
The only time I would allow my SO/BF or partner to interfere with what I wear is when he/she realizes that parts of my body show through the material, like skin or contour of bra/underwear or pokies.
Other than that, what I wear is my concern. It would never come to my mind to tell anyone what they have to wear as long as it is decent and not revealing anything at all.
I could accept recommendations such as overdressing/underdressing for an occasion or event or when I ask for an opinion on what to wear.
But I would certainly never accept to be told to wear something revealing when in company of a person. It is my body and I alone decide what I want to show or not.
I experienced that the SO criticizes the dress code. If you allow that infringement in your private sphere, the next step is restriction in speech and movement.
The person thinks he/she can dictate what you can or not say or do in his/her presence or where you can go without him/her.
If you allow one exception, then it becomes the rule in many relations.
You alone decide what you want to show? Good luck getting an SO with that mentality. You may as well add into your wedding vows: "Its my body, I will fuck whoever I want, whenever I want!".
In all honesty you dont seem ready for a serious relationship. Relationships are all about coming to terms with the differences between the two of you and finding ways to make it work, often through one or both of you making a sacrifice. For example, you tell your boyfriend he spends too much time watching tv and it is hurting your relationship, his response is that you are not in charge of him and shouldn't act like a dictator.
@devilman666 It is my body, therefore you better believe that I am the one and only one that decides what I show and not SOs or any other person.
It seems that, according to your reply, you have a word to say about how much skin your GF/SO/partner must show. Good luck to her with a person that dictates what she has to wear to please you.
@TarrAva so if you had a boyfriend who constantly wore nothing but his underwear when he left the house you would see no issue with that? He can wear whatever he wants and show as much skin as he wants after all. If he wants to go outside and start flexing and showing off to impress people then that just shows that he is confident
@devilman666 I would never have a boyfriend that would behave like that in the first place.
I always make sure that the person I am with has a minimum of education and behaves in a civil manner and knows how to treat a person without having to impose his/her views
Regardless I won't dictate, I will ask and if she doesn't want to then I will probably just leave her. If she doesn't respect me or my wishes then a relationship won't work.
@devilman666 that is equivalent to dictating. If she does not do what you say, you leave. To me, that is a dictatorship environment you are imposing on her.
"I would never have a boyfriend that would behave like that un the first place" then that is also dictating. You just admitted to doing the exact same so I dont see how you can act like I am being a bad person.
Your argument is so stupid that its even dictating to me. You essentially say that if I'm in a relationship then I am not allowed to leave because that would be dictating. If there is anything I dislike about the relationship then clearly I am using the option of breaking up to force my will onto my (ex)-SO. Are you seriously saying that it is a dictatorship to leave a relationship when you are unhappy/unsatisfied?
No, not whatever. Stop being a bigoted and hypocritical piece of shit. You excuse your own actions in a relationship while demonizing others for doing the same things you do. Your boyfriend can't tell you how to act or what to wear, but if he doesn't act how you want him to then he doesn't even have a chance with you. Just stop demonizing men while excusing women, either demonize women as well, or excuse men.
Having an opinion is ok and normal. But no I don't think you really have a say in what she wears. But voicing your concern in a respectful manner I think is ok. You know other guys will be checking her out and that makes you a bit jealous, but if you guys trust each other and you have a good relationship then I say own it. Other men will find her attractive and probably hit on her. She looks good. But just remember she's your girlfriend and you get all that when she gets home.
Does the boyfriend have any say? Nope. Her body, her clothing choice.
You can, however, voice your concern about how she dresses and looks, and recomend (not demand) she wear something more... appropriate or flattering on her without making her look like an attention whore.
yes especially if she's looking like a hot mess. but it depends on how he tells her. there's a big difference between caring from controlling
4
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
There are three ways this will play out...
Scenario 1: You tell your girlfriend, that you have no desire to control her, but you wish her to stop wearing those tops that make you super uncomfortable. She listens to you and realizes you're right because it's really dumb to wear a shirt anyone can see through. Then you wake up from your dream.
Scenario 2: Although you may think these things, you realize that she's comfortable enough with herself and is not going anywhere else...with anyone else....and you just relish the fact that you have a confident smokin' hot girlfriend.
Scenario 3: You say screw it, and you tell her you have an issue with the stuff she wears. Cut to five hours later, and she says and another thing, what about all the this and the that that you do and I don't try and change you!
The thing is no matter how it sounds to you in your head, it's most likely going to come out sounding like you're either highly insecure or controlling. If you've dated her a while now, I can only assume here that she was wearing these types of things when you met her and now and at this point you're almost in too deep to say, well you know this is really making me uncomfortable simply because what about the last x months and you never said anything. Trust me when I say if a woman is already wearing those things loud and proud, she will never be the type to put on a sweater so best bet, let it go, let it go, let it go....especially if, as you've said and I quote: "obviously I can't tell her what she can and cannot wear."
Why is their something wrong with being insecure? Is a wife wrong for being insecure when her husband is late coming home everyday? Insecurity is a human trait, it comes from our imperfection, so why do you make it sound like being insecure is just as bad as being controlling? People make judgements based on the evidence available to them (in my opinion anyone who is confident with no reason and against all evidence is foolish), so when she wears something that displays her underwear, what are people supposed to think? If I wear fishnet stockings instead of pants then what will people think of me? Probably that I like showing my underwear to people, as that is what the evidence seems to show, some people would even think I was a sexual deviant who got pleasure from wearing such a revealing outfit.
I do agree that he shouldn't have asked her out if he didn't like the style of clothes she prefers. I just don't like how people act like it's wrong for men to be insecure, and how some people act like you are being unreasonable and controlling by expecting them to wear pants and a shirt, rather than walking around in their underwear. I've been cheated on plenty of times, so I also take offence to the idea that he should just assume she is a confident and smoking hot girlfriend and be happy, if you see signs that point towards cheating (like your partner seeking attention of other men/women.)
I’m not a big fan of anyone trying to control what anyone else wears.
I stopped wearing bras because I used to wear a brace for scoliosis, and now anything restrictive around my ribs freaks me out. I couldn’t breathe correctly when wearing the thing, as it doesn’t allow your ribs to expand, and I’m a singer and have worked hard to re-train myself to breathe correctly. But anything restrictive around my ribs just brings me right back. That could be a mental thing, but it also could be that wearing the brace causes the muscles in the torso to atrophy, and I’m still building them up.
So yeah. I don’t wear bras. Sometimes people can tell. I try to buy fabrics that don’t show it. But sometimes I’m not successful. I really don’t see why people care though. I don’t see why people view female nipples as some sort of taboo subject.
As for seethrough shirts, designers like to use flimsy fabrics for women’s clothes. The lighter, more “feminine” colors also make it more likely that something will be see through. Sometimes in the store a shirt looks pretty decent. And then you wear it outside and it suddenly becomes seethrough. It seems like such a waste of money to not wear that shirt anymore.
Yes and no? Obviously if you are going to have dinner with your family or going to a special party that have a dress code you can have an opinion to help her choose the addecuate clothes for that context. But normally you don't have any kind of right. However if it affects you too much emotionally you could try to communicate how it makes you feel, but carefully, and thinking a lot how to tell her so you don't sound controlling or make her feel ashamed/insecure, as this topic may be delicate and could create an unnecessary argument if words, tone of voice or even body language is not the appropriate.
If your girlfriend dresses like a whore why would you be with her, like maybe that is what attracted you? Girls that dress like tramps crave attention to make up for something they don't get in their life. So basically a guy is attracted to her sexually. If that is what you want your relationship based on, well, it probably won't last long. You may be able to make a suggestion, but she is not obligated to listen. If you don't want your girl to dress this way, then perhaps you are with the wrong girl.
According to real females I know, they WANT their boyfriend to do shit like this. Even though they’ll never admit it. They fuckin love it. How do I know? I get to overhear all kinds of female secrets. If I do hear and they realize I heard, I always make sure to support them and not shame or judge them. Then they started willingly telling me stuff, and I can ask them for advice and they will tell me the real deal and not bullshit me. It’s really nice actually to have some real life female friends. Cuz these bitches be fucking LYING here on the god damn internet. I don’t know what’s going on here or how all women be lying all the time but damn it seems to me like they got this universal “don’t tell men our secrets” thing going on all the time.
Lol, I for one don't like people telling me what to wear but if your my boyfriend and you don't really like what I am wearing because you think it is too revealing I would appreciate it if you told me not in a rude way but in a soft concern tone. So my answer is yes a boyfriend should have a say over what his girlfriend wears not everything but some things.
Girls are not going to listen to your opinion. They wear what they wanna wear no matter how ridiculous or revealing. Hence why there are so many girls on Instagram flashing their bits for attention.
Easiest thing to do is find a girl that has some dignity and dresses nice. That way you do not have to say anything.
I've met a few... they do exist. Not many... but a few!
Of course you can have any opinion in the world. But she has no obligation to obey you as if she were your kid or something. Ultimately it’s her choice, even if it bothers you.
If you’re worried about some guy flirting with her, it is her who will decide whether that flirtatious remark gets anywhere or not. She will be the one to accept or reject any potential advances. If you trust her, it shouldn’t bother you.
You ABSOLUTELY have a say in it. I can't believe how people are telling you otherwise. And she has a say in what you do and wear. That's kind of how relationships work. It's a compromise. Do you have a say in having her as a girlfriend? Tell her that what she's wearing bothers you. If she doesn't care if it bothers you, then find a girlfriend that does care. Simple.
Yeah, I'd say so lol. If my girl wanted to dress with her titties out when she's about to meet my family, I'm going to tell her to change. I don't need a girl to dress extremely conservative at all, but I'm not going to date a girl who wants to dress like a hoe all the time. If I actually wanted her, then I'd throw her the option of changing how she presents herself, or me leaving.
No he doesn’t, but he has the right to say any recommendations. But I’m with you, I don’t get why some girls have to wear revealing clothes, which probably they do it for attention/approval from others.
Sure, why not? Girls always bitch and moan about how their boyfriends dress or try to mold his outfit to fit her personal tastes, so it's only natural that men would do the same. No one should have total control over anyone else's wardrobe, but if you're going to function as a couple then you should at least consider one another's council.
So you are telling me someone I date needs to be absolutely perfect in every way shape or form or else it will not work out? We have incredible chemistry, trust and attraction and are getting really serious. I would never let something this small get in the way of the incredible relationship I have. This said, if something sunstantial bothers one of us we ask questions and let the other person know. It’s called communication.
If you are the jealous type and you guys are in a committed relationship she should take it into consideration. If she doesn't care what you say then it's up to you whether or not you'll just accept it or move on.
If I wore something and my boyfriend preferred if I didn't wear it I'll change it then but I won't change my entire fashion style. I feel like generally when you date someone you already like their fashion style.
You can add your two cents but that’s about it. If you don’t like the decisions your girlfriend makes then you should leave her and go after someone who ALREADY shares the same mindset as you.
Most Helpful Opinions