Boyfriend wants to throw me out over wearing his jacket?

Question

boyfriend just recently got a jacket off Facebook marketplace. He has similar nice ones, some of which I’ve gotten him. I lounge around a lot in his clothes and put on his jackets when I’m cold, to go outside to take the dog out, etc. He offered me one of his nicest newer jackets to take the dog out in just last week. Nothing in his closet has ever been off limits for me to wear.

I took the dog out earlier and put on his newest jacket (i didn’t see the black one I usually wear hanging up) and took it off as soon as I came back in. He’s furious at me now that I wore it, says I disrespected it and him, said I don’t care about him and to fuck off. He wanted me to leave, but it was 12:30am and I can’t see well at night and was in no state to drive honestly at that point. We had already been laying down for bed for close to 30 minutes and he wanted me to go sleep on the couch and even elbowed me hard in the back at one point. I’m shaken up because I didn’t expect him to be so upset about it when he’s always been open about me wearing everything else. I even walked past him in the kitchen and talked to him before I went out and he didn’t mention it. If I had known it wasn’t okay to wear, I definitely wouldn’t have, but how was I supposed to? I tried to explain but he wasn’t listening to any of it and talked over me and told me to shut the fuck up. Even said “you don’t care about me, so why should I care about you?”

I don’t know what to think. Was I wrong? Thanks in advance

Honest-Matt · Accepted Answer

An usual story usually means there's details and a longer story left out that makes logical. I'm going to assess his perspective and his feelings since that's what we're trying to figure out.

He said he doesn't feel as though you care about him. There may be a lot to dissect from that and maybe he's hurting in other ways that you may not have considered and it snowballed into this. So ask yourself what could be some causes, what are some things that are lacking in a relationship in regards to him. Is he acknowledged or considered in your decisions? Do you do things voluntarily for his consideration, thoughtful things? If he does something is he thanked or his effort acknowledged beyond always simply saying "thanks". If you love him, it's one thing to feel love for him but it's another more important thing to make sure he knows you love him and that he feels loved. Guys try to act tough, independent and stoic but we're emotional people just like anybody else. These are just some things to think about.

I'm also curious that you mention he seems to collect jackets, perhaps this jacket was specifically of value, maybe not meant to be worn by anyone, he could have been flipping it and wearing it was a risk to the value of the jacket, who knows. A quick ask before using it might have clarified this.

I get that sometimes an apology does not seem justifiable as it's compromising respect for one's self and we feel as though the other person is in the wrong. But in a relationship sometimes we have to put the ego aside, put the who's right and who's wrong aside, and be strategic with how we respond and conduct ourselves for the betterment of the relationship. Anyway, an apology may be a good first step to getting to open up with you and begin a meaningful conversation.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Sounds like a relationship you need to get out of, before it becomes about more important things and loses it.

I will tell you this, it's probably not about the jacket, it probably about other things, and jacket was the trigger. But he does not know how to explain why he feels the way he feels. So, it's one thing today, hey I really do not want you wear that jacket next if you do not mind. It's another thing to loss his cool like that and turn verbally abusive. But it is not about the jacket honestly, there is something else going on and he does not know how to talk about it with you.

ShesRad80 · Accepted Answer

if this is the full situation and exchange it's ridiculous-

that reaction has nothing to do with a jacket, sounds like more to it or more going on. however, he has no clue what respect and disrespect are, his actions, reactions proves that.

sit back and think about this logically in his eyes that coat has more worth then your safety? telling you to leave 12:30AM? tell your father, brother, uncle what he did to you--one of them will teach this tool about respect and disrespect.

you did nothing wrong and you are not wrong

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

You sound very reasonable. Are you telling us enough of the story/context?

I read it out to my husband, and he said, "It's not about the jacket. This guy's being a dick, he's pissed, but it's not about the jacket. This was the final straw. She needs to find out what it's really about."

Lliam · Answer

I can't imagine what his problem is. His reaction was extreme. And the fact that he won't even talk calmly to you about it is a huge red flag.

How long have you two been together? Whose place is it, yours, his, or did you rent it together.

He is acting like a total dick. Scary. Maybe he's showing his true colors. It sounds like it's time for you to reevaluate the relationship.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

If he's giving you grief for wearing his jacket that's a pretty flimsy excuse. The only thing I can think of, is that he had a bad day at work or someone else crapped in his corn flakes and you wearing his jacket was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

Levin · Answer

Given the over-reaction it seems it's kneading some other deep-seated trauma.

Are you reliant on him for lodgings? If not, you should make a stand and go, in my opinion. Boundaries are important. He should see that he can't treat you that way.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

He went too far at the situation, and he was totally wrong to be mad at you, and you deserve much better when I had a girlfriend I would not care if she wore any clothing of mine I wish you the best with this situation. Take care, my Friend !!!

msc545 · Answer

This is not really about the jacket - it is about something else. Try hard to figure out what that is or ask your boyfriend, and then you and he can discuss the real issue and settle it, hopefully.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

If this is to do with the jacket... check the pockets. Mf is hiding something and lashed out thinking you found it. Otherwise there's more to the story and it's not about the jacket

Billlewis · Answer

Shame on him! He should have said that since you enjoy wearing the jacket, that you can have it, and ask you if there's anything else you'd like him to buy for you.

EmmaMary · Answer

Firstly who's place is this? Secondly tell him to grow up and stop being so pathetically childish.

Flower7 · Answer

If he didn’t want you to wear that particular jacket, he should have told you that beforehand.

John_Cobretti · Answer

I don't know whether you should stay with someone who can hate you so fast for such a small reason Asking you to leave at 12:30? Very cruel !

spartan55 · Answer

He is pissed about something else, that wasn't about his jacket. You should dump him for the way he spoke to you. But I'm sure you won't.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

There are critical details missing. Either we're missing them or you're missing them too, but more is going on here.

johnnymoooore · Answer

He sounds like a real douche and like you would benefit from some time on your own to figure out who you are and your own self-worth... Because until you do that you will allow douchebags like him treat you like that.

Fireguy17 · Answer

throw him out for being a dick head. life's too short find someone better that will appreciate you.

LeQuebecois · Answer

I can't believe this is the shit people pick fights over...

Drumlin2001 · Answer

He's acting like this over a jacket, has physically hit you, and you're not walking out?

Celticwolf78 · Answer

he should have said something about it before hand but if he is acting like a jerk time to end it not worth you getting hurt over his childish ways

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Your "boyfriend" is an asshole. Leave him.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Bitch it's a brand new jacket. Let him get some wear out of it first.

Staximus · Answer

The guy is an idiot. You should piss on his jacket and leave him.

Boyfriend wants to throw me out over wearing his jacket?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

He went too far at the situation, and he was totally wrong to be mad at you, and you deserve much better when I had a girlfriend I would not care if she wore any clothing of mine I wish you the best with this situation. Take care, my Friend !!!

Boyfriend wants to throw me out over wearing his jacket?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

He went too far at the situation, and he was totally wrong to be mad at you, and you deserve much better when I had a girlfriend I would not care if she wore any clothing of mine I wish you the best with this situation. Take care, my Friend !!!

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