Is it disrespectful to show up to someone’s house and arguing with the owner even if the home owner starts the arguments?

[Anonymous]

[Sparkie460]

If they start arguments, no

[Asker]

I agree with you.

[Sparkie460]

Can I ask what the argument was about

[Asker]

Sibling arguments that stemmed from alcoholic brother enabling our father to abuse alcohol as well. My dad has an alcoholic past along with a bit of depression…. it had stopped for a while but my brother reignited that behavior by enabling my dad to join him. As a consequence, my dad gets abusive at our house. Meanwhile, my brother walks away clean because he’s married and lives on his own. My dad got drunk again and abusive with my mom but this time he went to my brothers house and villa sized the people in our house. When my sister and I went to look for my mom at my brother’s house, he was drunk and rambling on and I wasn’t having it so we started arguing. In the end, I was drained and left. Next day my dad told my sister he regrets his behavior and he will no longer drink blah blah blah.

[Sparkie460]

Your brother knew your dad had a drinking problem and he let him drink? What is wrong with him. You should have left your dad with your brother and let him deal with the consequences.

[Sparkie460]

I know what you went through because my dad and brother both had drinking problems

[Asker]

That was my exact point. All he had to say was that…he didn’t care what happened to my dad as a result of drinking. He told me and my sister he doesn’t care about what happens in our house. Meanwhile, his whole initial argument was an attempt to call me out for threatening to call the police on my dad for being intoxicated driving drunk with my mom with a gun on his waist. When I told him I will care for their safety very single time and the drinking would’ve never been ignited again if it weren’t for my brother proving alcohol to my dad again everything would be fine at home. In a nutshell, he said he didn’t care. There’s not much to say after that other than that he’d be held fully liable if anything ever happens to my dad or mom as a result of my father drinking, I left it at that and left. As of now, I guess I feel mentally drained because I’m realizing my entire family is toxic and I’ve burned bridges with every single one of my sibling in different scenarios as a result of sticking up for the people in this household. I told my mom and sister I’d move out once February hits and my mom started crying saying she doesn’t want me to leave. I feel like it’d be the best decision for me. Don’t know what to do, what would you recommend?

[Sparkie460]

Does your sister feel the same way you do? I would definitely cut your brother out of your life like I did. He's dead to me. Your dad needs help. Would he go to a sober house? Your mom doesn't want you to leave because you seem like the mortar that's keeping the family together

[Asker]

That’s my exact train of thought along with my sister’s. We’ve come to the conclusion that the only people that matter are the people living in this house and we can’t give up on each other or allow others to drag anyone in this house down with them. My sister spoke with my dad about it, she’s a lot more levelheaded, and he started crying admitting he messed up and fell back into alcohol when he went to work with my brother. He has agreed to no longer go to work with my brother and not touch a single drop of alcohol or have any type of weapons anymore. He also said he doesn’t want me to leave.. He told her to tell me he apologizes. I for now feel hurt and it’s a lot to process so I’d rather keep my distance but I will help my parents from the sidelines. However, I’d be lying if I’m deeply tempted in moving out of state and just cutting everyone off and living in peace but my sister says it’s not a good idea if I leave and something happens to my dad because I’d be living with the guilt that I could’ve helped him recover, something my older siblings failed to do.

[Sparkie460]

Do you still live with your parents and sister? Are you younger than your sister? She should have told your dad to tell you he's sorry. Since your brainless brother caused the whole problem, your family should cut ties with him until he also get help with his alcohol problem. Things could have turned out really bad quickly by your dad driving drunk with your mom in the car.

[Asker]

My sister is 23 and I’m 25. I agree about the part in regards to my brainless brother along with everyone else enabling my dad to make poor choices. However, I highly doubt they’d do it. I know eventually, sooner than later, it’ll all go back how it was before. The only difference is, I’ve argued with yet another sibling in an attempt to keep this household away from problems. I agree about what could’ve happened with my mom and dad in the car, especially since it happened twice…. but nobody is speaking up, my mom doesn’t hold anyone accountable and won’t call out my brother. However, she’ll come to me or my sister and vent with us. She gets us riled up and then we go putting our hands on fire for them. Which is why I am ready to move already but my parents and sister don’t want me to do it because they’re afraid everything will fall apart…my mom’s and sister’s words, not mine, I’m just lost and overwhelmed already.

[Sparkie460]

I hate to say it but you should give your family an altimatum. If your dad touches one drop of alcohol you're out of there. Everyone has to work together. You can't be referee and babysitter all the time. Just have a family meeting and lay it all out. If your brother doesn't stop drinking he's not allowed to step foot in the house and nobody goes to his house.

I really feel your pain. I know what you're going through.

[Asker]

Yeah, hopefully everyone follows through with the plan. Can’t afford to make these horrible experiences a routine.

Thank you for listening and understanding, I appreciate it. I really do.

[Sparkie460]

If you follow me ill follow you. Any time you want to talk or just vent I'm here for you. I really mean that

[Asker]

Done ✅ 😊 Thanks again

[Sparkie460]

I sent you a request. You're very welcome