If you don't understand someone's hurt, is that bad?

[Anonymous]

Someone that felt wronged was expressing their hurt. I was actually yawning during that whole speech. When it was over, I was asked ''Don't you feel any regret, remorse or something''.

I said the truth. My reply was ''Nope, none. I can't feel your hurt at all.''

That speech felt like I was listening to a detailed script. I understand what the person meant and the hurt they were expressing but just felt nothing at all. I felt indifferent. Is that bad?

Updates

+1 y

The person supposedly wanted closure and that's the closure they got; that I don't feel bad at all. If I'd apologized it woud've been fake.

[MementoMori777]

Lack of sympathy can be bad because normally that's one of the main differences between a normal person and a narcissist

Lack of sympathy and selfishness are the narcissistic mix

[Asker]

yeah I've suspected for the longest that I might be different from other people. I was never abused nor bullied though. I guess it's just how I'm naturally wired.

[MementoMori777]

Seems like it, do you not feel sympathy at all for anyone but yourself?

[Asker]

Very few times (small, selected group) but it's very limited. For myself mainly though.

[MementoMori777]

Have you ever felt sympathy if you put yourself in other people's shoes?

[Asker]

For instance I never understand whenever there is a movie about a person begging for forgiveness because they cheated on their spouse. In my mind, ok so you enjoyed physical contact with someone else, ok whatever, humans aren't naturally monogamous, society made the rules.

[Asker]

A bit but it was for a specific friend, not much though.

[MementoMori777]

That's is completely different, no one feels bad for a cheater 😂

[Asker]

I just don't ever find myself in that position of asking for forgiveness nor begging or pleading.

[MementoMori777]

I had something similar, except I grew anger and aggression as well, wasn't a enjoyable lifestyle, I hope you learn to feel sympathy for others at some point

[kylee2437]

I guess it depends on the situation , but ideally you end up in a better position if you understand someone’s hurt but also know your boundaries too.

[Asker]

That's the thing I don't understand at all. The person was supposedly looking for closure (likely wanted an apology or me expressing some remorse) but how can someone express what they don't feel and likely never did? I was being honest with my response, that I've listened to the whole speech, understood them clearly but felt nothing.

[Asker]

I feel as if I can do some things better than other people, without emotions getting in the way.

[kylee2437]

So just because you feel like you didn’t do wrong, doesn’t mean you didn’t do wrong. You insinuating you did nothing wrong is essentially avoiding accountability , and quite frankly immature. But that’s up to you, if you don’t care about making things right, then just keep with that attitude

[Asker]

You got a point. I guess I can start apologizing at least as self-preservation, to fit in society (mimic it all) and not get in problem.

[Asker]

I can say any heartfelt apologetic speech (even mimic it well if I wanted to) while feeling nothing in those words.

[kylee2437]

It’s not about fitting in society, it’s called owning up to how you may have treated others. Just because you feel as if you didn’t do wrong, or aren’t the most wrong in the situation, doesn’t mean you can’t own up to what the person is bothered by

[kylee2437]

Not feeling emotions is problematic and you may want to get help for that, that’s not a flex. Not having emotions may be why you don’t know how to direct situations effectively and often hurt people