Do people realize when they reject someone they really hurt them?

[Anonymous]

[OlderAndWiser]

As you get more experience in dating and relationships, you will probably realize a few things about rejection.

1. Physical attraction is an absolute requirement for most people who are seriously dating. Why would you date someone if you are not physically attracted? What is the future in such a relationship?

2. And even with pure physical attraction. . . there are girls who others see and talk about - what a "knockout" she is - and I feel no attraction. E. g., I think Kristen Bell is extremely hot but I have no attraction at all to Angelina Jolie. It's not a conscous process I go through; I'm just either attracted or I'm not. Some guys like girls with humongous boobs and some guys like girls with smaller boobs. Some guys like taller girls and some guys like shorter girls. If a guy isn't attracted to you, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It just means the two of you are not a good match.

3. For most of us, wanting to date someone involves much more than just being physically attracted. I could never dated a woman with a nasal voice or a squeaky voice, or a woman who as the same name as my mom.

4. When you agree to date someone, most of us interpret that as meaning that you have at least some interest or desire to date and enough attraction to justify investing the time in dating.

5. If someone asks you for a date and you feel no attraction, have no interest, see no future with them. . . it doesn't mean that you carefully thought about us and evaluated our worth as a person. Such decisions are usually "felt," not carefully considered, and not being attracted is something that you cannot control.

6. Agreeing to date me if you have no interest is "leading me on" and a huge waste of my time and money. If I thought you had done that to me, I would feel that you had used me.

7. Therefore, the kindest and most charitable thing you can do is to tell someone that you appreciate the interest they have shown, and you feel flattered, but you feel that the two of you would not be a good match and so you will decline the offer. And te nicest thng the rejected person can do is to accept it gracefully and put it behind you as quickly as possible.

I think the problem sometimes is that people think about a particular person as a potential date and they don't act on it immediately, but they continue to fantasize about it. When you finally learn that the other person isn't interested, it tears down a big world that you created in your head and then you feel like your life has come to an end.

I have learned that if I am interested in a woman, to spend a little time talking with her and to then ask her for a date. If I get rejected, I don't have a huge emotional investment and it is easier for me to move past the rejection and keep going forward.

I hope this helped. . . at least some.

[Cartouk]

Yes, but what else are they supposed to do? Pity date every single person who they aren't attracted to that asks them out just to be polite and not hurt anyone's feelings? Life is full of tragedy and pain interspersed with brief moments of triumph and joy. If the worst thing you ever have to face is a little rejection you will probably be the luckiest human that ever lived.

[VIVANT]

I do not think this is a reasonable way to look at it. If you ask ‘do people realize when they are being cruel, it hurts people’ I’d say the answer is usually when people are cruel it’s bc they do not care to be kind so maybe they recognize it maybe they don’t but if they cared in the first place they’d go about it differently, so them realizing they are cruel, won’t phase them.

but anyhow rejecting someone isn’t cruel. There’s no other way around it. There are kinder ways to do it which does not involve sugar busting or patronizing or grudging but just being direct, calmly, without insulting anyone. But it has to be done. To not do it is the midst disrespectful thing.

I don’t think anyone thinks being rejected doesn’t suck, but it’s not the act of telling someone it’s the fact of the feelings not being reciprocated, in which case there really is no alternative but to be honest. The quicker the better in my opinion.

[Cynicaldreamer]

In most cases, if they reject you, they really don't care if they hurt you since they don't want you in a romantic way. They might be upset they had to reject you, but that's it. Don't try to empathize with them or wonder why they did it. Now it's time to take care of yourself and move on with your life.

I think everyone's been rejected at least once in their life... some of us way more than others (If you've never been rejected? Screw you, we're not talking about you so move on). I think it's just a matter of getting over it and realizing "they don't want you, so now it's time to get over them" mentality kicks in.

[TenderFantasy]

Well said. This applies to more than romance too by the way, sadly.

[Guy13]

I don't care as I am actually doing you a favor by being honest.

[ZackBan]

Some do.
I know I do.
I had to do it recently and I think it hurt me more than it did the girl even though I did the rejecting and had no other choice.
It's complicated yet simple:
If you respect the person be honest with them, they deserve that.

[TenderFantasy]

I agree with cynicaldreamer, but also it really depends. If it's for dating, it's more personal. But I think rejection (with anything), hurts because you sometimes don't know the reason, or even if you did, you probably STILL wouldn't agree with the reason but that's the thing with free will in others, you cannot control that!

[Avcfhcic]

Only those who face rejection know how it feels for the other.
Some people are lucky to be desired and can be very blunt to others into them and not really know.

I know too well how it feels to be rejected, but I've never had to reject someone else

[Fireguy17]

sadly, rejection is a part of life.
It happens, someone is not interested is dating you, being a friend, you don't get hired for a job you want, you can't get a loan for a car or a house, you are denied a credit card, the list is endless.
In life you will face all sorts of rejections, so you need to get over it.
You don't always win, they do keep score, you don't get a trophy just for showing up, other people will say no.
It is all part of growing up and becoming an adult.

[TheSpaceGnome]

We know they think we are hurting them.
However its not hurting them.
Hurting them would be saying yes when we want to say no.
Never lie. Only say yes to the right person.
Spare all others the wasting of their time and effort, so they can more quickly find someone else who wants them, and actually end up happy.

[Anonymous]

If you get rejected in a romantic situation, there's no way to tell you in which it won't hurt! Would you rather someone NOT reject you and lie to you, or pretend they're interested when they're not? You're going to get rejected, it's part of living. Dust yourself off and realize that person wasn't the right one for you, and quit whining about it, and move on. Your little "feelings" will recover if you use your brain.

[SnowedIn]

I agree with @Cynicaldreamer and @TenderFantasy but also add that the shortest answer to your question is, no, they don't realize that it really hurts.

[desidoll]

Yes, we are aware of it but what else we can do in order not to hurt them? If we are to accept everyone, how do you think things will work? We can’t date/marry multiple people.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Some say love is blind & when it comes to matters of the heart the heart wants what the heart wants & unfortunately sometimes love hurts.

[Ligerzzero]

Yes, and that’s why women thrive on rejecting men so much.

[es20490446e]

I think people get rejected because they jump too soon into dating.

You first need to see some signs that the person is into you.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, but they'll get over it. EVERYONE experiences rejection. And men experience about 10 times more than women. So it's really hard for a guy to feel that bad for a woman who's been rejected. 😆

[LimitedBenefits101]

Grow up...

who cares if you are hurt? do they own you?

[inhua]

no. they just don't care.

[exitseven]

Yes but most of the time they don't care.

[legalboxers]

nope. No one has a conscience

[Anonymous]

Men are painfully aware of that.

[In_Trance]

sometimes

[Anonymous]

Yes.