I don’t know what to do I just need a friend or some advice and help?

[ZainabAli123]

Hey it’s been ages since I posted on here maybe because no one really wants to give me advice especially if I don’t listen to them. Anyways I have known one of my guy friends since the age of 18 and have liked him for 6 years or more. Last month I stopped talking to him because he broke my heart actually shattered it to be honest our longest conversation we been in was for 2 hours since he keeps using the excuse his mum needs to call him and he leaves but out them 2 hours he spent 1 talking about how he’s in love with an ex.

I just wanted to check up on him as a friend see how he is doing also I wanted to see if he was just wanting me for one thing only turns out that when I asked him that question he didn’t respond but he called me first he denied being in love with his ex even though he actually goes to see both his ex gfs on the weekend. What hurt me the most is he asked me to come see him as if I will drop everything for him. He started talking about staying one night with him and how I don’t do anything with my life. When In fact he’s right I spent 6 years liking him and more than 10 years supporting him even when I was at my lowest and was dealing my own demons. I don’t know what to do I know he wants me for one thing only but how can he act like I will drop everything for him I already did that and he didn’t care he broke my heart!!! I got no one else to talk to apart from you All :(

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that sounds like a seriously messed up situation. I can understand why you're so hurt and confused. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially not by someone you've cared so deeply about for so long.

A few things stand out to me - this dude clearly doesn't value you as a friend if he's constantly bailing on your conversations to talk to other people. And confessing his feelings for an ex while speaking to you shows a total lack of respect. Then asking you over just for his benefit, without consideration for your feelings... major red flag behavior.

It's obvious he's taken your kindness for granted all these years. You deserve so much better than to be anyone's second choice or backup plan. I know it's hard to let go of feelings for someone after so long, but continuing to chase after him will only lead to more hurt.

My advice would be to cut contact completely - block him everywhere if you have to. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who truly appreciate you. Take time to heal, work on loving yourself, and do things that make YOU happy for once instead of worrying about him. You've got so much life ahead of you - don't waste any more of it on someone who doesn't treat you right. Stay strong, you can get through this!

[OlderAndWiser]

"he spent 1 talking about how he’s in love with an ex." What else do you need to know? He sees his future with someone else and, at best, you are his Plan B, the Backup Plan, the girl he would "settle for" if he couldn't get who he really wanted. The fact that you don't already see this very clearly suggests that you have major problems with your self-esteem.

[ZainabAli123]

I know and when I bought that up to him he told me he’s not into his exs yet he’s always chilling with them every weekend

[ZainabAli123]

He legit asked me to come stay with him for one night see I don’t know I have no self esteem who cares no guy likes me I’m nearly 30 and never dated anyone

[OlderAndWiser]

What has been the impediment to dating?

[ZainabAli123]

What you mean I’m just saying he makes no sense he expects me to drop everything for him I already did that I saw my entire future with him and it got shattered and broken

[OlderAndWiser]

You said that you are 30 years old and never dated. Why is that?

You wanted this guy to be The One and solve your problem and when he didn't, you felt like your life was over. The bigger problem is our lack of self-esteem and why you have never dated. If you had dating experience, you would not have developed such overwhelming expectations and the would be a disappointment but not the end of your life.

[Anonymous]

Girl I'm sorry you're going through that right now. But take a moment for yourself and read what you wrote again. Think of it as someone else's story you're reading. What you you think of it?

I'm 28 myself and I understand as a woman it can be really scary at the thought of being 30 and not having met the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. But trust me this guy is not it. You deserve better! You deserve someone who is going to put you first and love you! The man you just talked about is not it. If you're a religious person I suggest going to a holy place and praying for strength. If not it's okay, trust me a therapist will help you navigate through your emotions and move on.

I've had people marry someone who are the second choice to their partners. Trust me that's not the type of miserable life you want. Cut off all contact. I know it's not easy but block him. It better to suffer now for a while then suffer the rest of your life. Best of luck to you ❤️

[virtue2332]

Like you said he has two other girls he sees on the weekend. To him he has 5 more days to fill probably. Also the only way to know if they want one thing is to see how they act when that one thing is off the table. If interest is gone them that's what they wanted. You also can't say not that you did but as an example. I'll come over but we aren't going to do anything because now you presented him a challenge he thinks he could overcome. This might make you think oh he in knows we aren't doing anything and he still wants to see me. He really thinks he will be able to overcome this in person. Or get you to do something else. If you had them come over and were babysitting and they left fast or made an excuse you would know that they wanted to be alone. Just cut ties this guy is not into you like you wanted and he probably won't be anytime soon. You should see the red flags and move on plenty of guys in the world we aren't in short supply or high demand

[JacobJordan]

you my dear need to drop him like a box of hot rocks. move on with your life he clearly is using you and you deserve better. you have other friends go spend time with them ignore him. he doesn't respect you enough to be honest, he doesn't respect you enough to spend time with you and he certainly doesn't respect your time or appreciate how much you have done for him.

[ZainabAli123]

I know I do but it’s easy for you all to say he became part of my life like he’s important to me I got no one else and I actually don’t have friends either we spent all night he fighting and arguing with him about this

[Joshydavid25]

You need to drop him, stop checking on him etc.. Love him from afar but don't continue to put yourself in that situation because it'll only keep you attached and hurt you continuously.. You're attached to your emotions with him but you need to let go.. I know it'll be hard, but you gotta find a way to move forward.. Maybe getting into something you are passionate about, finding a good hobby, new friends etc..

[RasmusAiken]

This guy is not for you. Drop him. Block him. Then begin living a life you custom make for yourself.

[ohsheeT]

What kind of advice are you looking for you can DM me if you want to

[ThrillSeeker01]

You need to find someone who cares about your feelings.

[ZainabAli123]

Offer I never had a boyfriend for 30 years no one cares about my feelings at all

[ThrillSeeker01]

You just need to meet the right person

[ZainabAli123]

No such thing as a right person

[ThrillSeeker01]

Someone who cares about your feelings

[DatBrooklynGuy]

Well if you think there's no such thing as the right person what are you bothering telling us about your problems? You sound like you gave up a long time ago.. might as well get a Rose toy, a cat and call it a day honestly

[Anonymous]

Stopped reading after "no one wants to give me advice especially if I don't listen to them".

Well there's no point in continuing using then.🤣

[HouseMoat]

Find better friends

He sounds like a loser

[ZainabAli123]

He doesn’t understand anything he got soo mad at me for saying no to meeting him he wants me to take a train to see him which is 5 hours away I don’t feel comfortable by that and I told him but it pissed him off he says he misses me but he never messaged me or anything he’s soo busy meeting his ex girlfriend on a weekend I gave up everything for him I saw my entire future with him and he does this he denies ever telling me had it has feelings for his ex girlfriend

[HouseMoat]

Yeah, find new friends.

He sounds like a loser

[jimmy2]

Pm me I help you