I need advice on what to do?

[Anonymous]

I am in a potential serious relationship with X, he has been someone am seeing for a long time now, then i met Y when I recently joined my new office… Y has had a lot of excitements i love, he is a free soul and romantic… we even had sex recently and it made me more attracted to him… Y knows i am serious dating X, and i was avoiding to show him any signs if whatever we had was making me fall for him, so i kept all my emotions hidden and acted like he wanted me more which is not true… ofcause i avoided him coming to my place but he would invite me to his place of which i visted once and we had sex which was soo good… he is a very focused guy and was ready to keep all this low key as he was not dating but we both enjoyed each others company amd we don’t want to rise alarms at work…

Anyway… recently he checked out and told me he doesn’t want us to get involved anymore, and this is killing me inside cause i really need him around, having him around makes me feel good for X as i am already satisfied with Y and i get in a very good mood… i have very confused emotions… i need advice on how i can handle this and why is Y checking out now, does he hate me? What can be going on in his mind? I recently texted him that i am fine if he needs sometime away, i respect his decision but we are stuck together… i will be around waiting calmly… am i doing too much? What is happening to me?🥺🥺🥺

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow sis, that's a lot to unpack. From what you're saying, it seems like you caught feelings for Y even though you're with X. A few thoughts:

- Y checking out makes sense since it seems like you weren't fully clear about what you want. Guys don't like to stick around wondering if you're really interested or just having fun.

- Leaving your options open with both X and Y isn't fair to either of them. You need to decide who you really see a future with.

- Let Y have his space for now like you said. Blowing up his phone won't change his mind. Hopefully he'll come around once he knows where you stand.

- Be honest with yourself about WHY you're actually with X if you're having these feelings for Y. Are you willing to break things off for good? If not, quit stringing Y along.

My advice is to level with X and end it cleanly if you want Y. Then give Y time and see if he still wants you knowing you're available. But you gotta pick one - you can't juggle them both forever. I know it's hard, but you gotta listen to your heart here, sis! Lmk if any of that helps.. we all make mistakes, so don't be too hard on yourself. Everything will work out.

[Asker]

Thank you for the replie… anyway i also want to add up some few hint points…

Actually me and X are fully committed to each other and we are looking into taking this to the next level

And for Y, he clearly knows i am in a committed relationship and he was okay with it cause we both shared a very strong bond and as i said… he realy excites me and we are very compatible sexually… he is more open minded that X

Currently, i am really enjoying my time more with Y than X, and sometimes when i meet X i still think of Y… when i meet Y he keeps me in a very good mood easier for me to be happy around X

Am not ready to loose X, as he has a lot of potential qualities for a husband than Y…. His mind is so mature than Y, we sit and talk more about our future plans, but me and Y we will always discuss our sexual desires and what to explore more which is also important cause i really love intimacy too🥹

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh hun, I totally hear you - this is a tricky dilemma for sure. But at the end of the day, you really need to choose one or the other before this all blows up in your face.

It's not fair to keep stringing X along if your heart isn't fully in it anymore, no matter his good husband potential. And you know Y will keep wanting more from you too, even if he seems carefree now. Neither of them deserve to be second best while you try to have your cake and eat it too.

I know the passion and excitement with Y is intense, but is that enough to build a real future on? With X you see stability, planning a life - those things do matter long term too though the spark may not be the same. Only you know what's most important to your happiness.

My advice? You need to have an honest talk with X. Lay it all out, how you've developed feelings for Y during your unhappiness together. Give him the choice to try redeem things or part ways clean. Then truly divest yourself from one guy fully to focus on the other, if he'll have you. Anything less would be unfair to all. I know it's scary but you've got this, girl! Just follow your heart.

[RavVid]

You are not in a serious relationship with X as you are having sex with Y and want him. You are at the least two timing but more realistically cheating.

Having Y around to feel good for X is highly immoral. You need to tell X what you have been doing with Y and accept, as will be most likely, that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. You need to accept Y doesn't want to be with you anymore.

Next time be moral.

Y was just having sexual fun with you and is onto other girls now.

[Anonymous]

Man I hate to say this but you got what you deserve. You had a man who seemed pretty good to you. But now because you got this “feeling” that women get now X isn’t good enough. You want Y. This is also part of the reason why men don’t want to take women serious these days. You put your feelings over Xs feelings. Yes you two weren’t exclusive you have every right to do what you did, but it sounds like X was better to you. At the same time there’s also a reason why X as well as Y didn’t commit to you. They know something. They sense something. I don’t know how pretty you are, but most women who are pretty, maybe over the age of 25 w out commitment usually have a lot of things wrong w them. That’s why men don’t commit to her. My conclusion was right. Before I read all of this, I said to myself he’s just using her. Maybe it’s karma for what you did to X. Don’t know. Nothing you can do but move on. Which more than likely you won’t cause women seem to hold onto things forever.

[noohair]

He played you for sex. As soon as he thought you were catching feelings be bailed. And how you can justify saying you are seriosly dating X? I suggest that you do a moral inventory and figure out where you want to go and what you want. Dating X and fucking Y is hogwash.

[strateguy632]

Don't wait. He broke up n already found someone else. You should too.

[Asker]

I also don’t want any serious relationship with him, i just want him around and i am fine if he makes the same arrangement on his side… we can all see each other with our potential sides