Do you ever feel like you're not good enough? How did you overcome it?

[bobalife]

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I just work on things I think I'm not good enough at and celebrate even the tiniest form of progress. I tend to think more about my metaphorical feet than the distant horizon.

If I use an example, I started to become a bit chubby and was getting a dad bod things going a few years into marriage with my wife. So one day I decided I was getting too fat and started working on it.

Yet unlike a lot of people in the weight loss community I saw, I didn't set a goal weight or time period like, "I intended to get to this weight by next summer." I think that's when a lot of people get discouraged if they are failing with such a goal even if they're making some progress.

I also didn't set hard plans about what to eat. I just aimed to drink a bit less alcohol, cut down on restaurants (I mostly got fat in the first place because my wife and I were going out to restaurants all the time) and favored more home cooking, etc. As I progressed I started to improve my nutrition with tweaks, like every week I improved my nutrition a little bit.

I just celebrated every inch of progress until the extra fat disappeared. Took around 6 weeks for me to lose 35lbs. After that I was "good enough" again.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Also it's important to avoid trying to focus on things we can't control. Like I see a lot of guys on this site who seem obsessed with their height. That's beyond our control. I'm not very tall myself being only 173cm. If I thought I wasn't good enough because of my height, I'd be doomed to feel that way for the rest of my life.

Yet there are plenty of things within my control that I can improve. I can become more athletic, become more fashionable, improve my social skills, improve my comedic timing, improve my ability to speak about a wider variety of subjects, etc. There's so much within my control that I can improve. So I focus on that and then if I'm not good enough at one of those things I can actually control, I can just practice more and improve.

[bobalife]

Omggg you’re so on point!!! 😂😂😂 ty for calling that out, I agreed so many guys here are obsessed with the height thing… but it’s more important like you said to focus on what you can control, how to better yourself in diff areas, and celebrate each progress 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 by the way 5’8” is still a good height :)

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Cheers! I also think it's very important to have a proper and specific goal/context for evaluating ourselves: "Good enough for what?" If the "what" here is overly broad and ill-defined, we have no way to measure progress towards a particular goal.

Also very important is not to conflate popularity with value. So many people make this mistake, like people who think in terms of leagues.

If popularity and value were the same, then pizza would be more valuable than sturgeon caviar, young Justin Bieber would be more valuable than Mozart or Beethoven or Bach, and superhero comic books more valuable than Shakespeare. Also while sturgeon caviar is almost certainly way less popular than pizza (niche appeal vs. mainstream appeal), the people who love caviar are willing to pay a fortune for a small serving, while very few pizza lovers are going to spend hundreds of dollars just for a slice of pizza.

So value and popularity are not at all the same, and I think many times people develop overly negative views of themselves or others through this incorrect conflation of the two. Too often people conflate "not good enough" with "not popular enough" when they should be considered very different things. Chasing after popularity, especially at the cost of value (ex: sacrificing authenticity for popularity), will broaden the demographic but not necessarily make the demographic deeply value us or whatever we have to offer.

Anyway, it's very important to think about these things in a realistic and practical way. It's not necessarily an unhealthy sign if someone finds themselves or another "not good enough" for a very specific goal, like someone who is deeply struggling with math with the goal of becoming a physicist might need to work on their math skills. Yet we need that kind of specific goal and criterion or criteria so that we know what to work on and how to measure improvements.

[Sonorous]

I feel that very often. I believe that feeling will always be with me in varying levels of intensity. I wouldn't want to entirely overcome it or get rid of it. I'd only want to mainly overcome worrying about things 100% not in my control. But it can be so hard sometimes. Especially with looks since there's a cap on how much we can naturally improve.

[bobalife]

Interesting. Why wouldn’t you want to entirely overcome or get rid of it? Sorry to hear you feel it often, you seemed funny and smart from what I’ve seen so far lol.

[Sonorous]

Oh I just wouldn't want to entirely overcome it for the things that are in my control. Because that feeling really motivates me to be better.

And thanks! I try to be 🤣🤣

[bobalife]

Ohhhh, I see you like reflecting on it to grow and be more motivated. It’s a great encounter thinking~ I just hope you’re not too hard on yourself.

Your whalecome Sonorausss (very Dino like to me lmao), let’s change that “I try” to “I am funny” :) own it!

[Sonorous]

Many people have said that I'm too hard on myself with certain things. It does make sense why they say it. Because if I was to talk to other people about their flaws like how I talk to myself about mine, it would be highly immoral. I'd basically be bullying them.💀 But it doesn't feel like bullying when I do it to myself.

Okay I am funny (when I really try hard enough to be) 🤣

[bobalife]

Aw Sonosrausss, don’t be bullying yourself! I think you need to give yourself grace and practice positive self-construction.

Ex1: I tripped on my toes today, but that’s okay, it was one trip and I can still walk 😂😂😂

Ex2: my essay didn’t turned out like how I imagined, but I did the best I could and I completed it 🥹

Ngl you low key to high key reminds me of me, are you a perfectionist? ☠️ and you have friggin 19k followers (I just noticed) that’s hugeeee, it means you MUST be funny and doing something right! Lol. Be proud of yourself!

[Sonorous]

That's something that I even say to other people about how it's good to give grace. But I really don't apply it to myself in some ways. 🤣 I do in the ways of the examples you gave. But not in ones more closely connected to my identity.

And yeah, I'd say I'm a perfectionist. I often pay attention to details that many people wouldn't even notice. And it why I'd have a hard time publishing something now due to constantly feeling like it's not good enough & that I can do better.

Oh and those followers are just random people. As soon as they sign up, gag has it set so that they automatically follow me. I'd probably have like under 1k if they didn't do that. I'm guessing they did it because I'm an "influencer." 🤣 but nowadays I'm more of a jokester. I'm surprised they haven't taken the role from me.

[bobalife]

Lol it’s always hard to take our own advice 😭😂 but it’s important to be gentle with yourself and tell yourself positive things like you would to a good friend~ wdym to your identity?

If you think about it, they could unfollow you and chose not to though. You can be a jokester/comedian influencer! Lol.

[bobalife]

You’re setting yourself with unrealistic expectations, so be a bit more gentler. I do the same; therefore, I am qualified to give this advice lolz.

[IslaTheWitch]

lowered self-esteem is a kind of societal disease. Almost everyone has such episodes in childhood, and many still fight it as adults.

how to overcome it? accept yourself, just as you are. With all your shortcomings, strengths, and weaknesses. it's always the first step. The next is to love yourself unconditionally.

Of course, after years of setting not meetable expectations it's not so easy to accept not ideal version of ourselves. For this time is needed. So start with your strengths. What are you good at? Not the best, just good. Good is good enough, you know. Trust people who are close to you; they will show you how good you are. Accept their praise and appreciate it.

[TenderFantasy]

Through out my whole life I've felt that a lot.

I fought it by trying to improve myself. A lot of times, it worked, other times, it did not. It depends on how you define success and knowing what you're up against is a good start. Also loving yourself despite your mistakes and flaws.

[pig_droppings]

The fecal matter of self-discovery and growth is a strong foundation for establishing meaningful connections with others, rather than trying to be "just as good" in the same ways. Therefore, I continue to flourish like the sweet scent of overripe avocados, spreading my Bougainvillea beauty across the world and proudly sharing my unique aroma with all who cross my path. The decomposing detritus of doubt will soon be mere memories, and the fragrance of my triumphs will linger in the air.

[bobalife]

Love the way you put it, I couldn’t agreed more~ I believe in just be the most authentic you, no one can be you just as no one can be identical to another. We all have something unique to bring and strengths that we obtained.

[lightbulb27]

yea, that's from being pounded down when I was young and I'm sensitive. reinforced. In essence, I was too weak to overcome the negativity coming at me.

So step 1 is figuring out the source of not feeling good enough.

step 2 address those wounds via variety of trauma therapy approaches, love of God, forgiveness.

step 3 gradual steps to rework self image, self love

[bobalife]

Si, you got all the 1,2,3 steps :)

[lightbulb27]

yes I think this is right and I have. It's also an evolving process of life and discovery.
you can do it!

[aceleon]

good enough for ''what''? i asked this question myself, was that thing really was that important to feel bad over not being good enough? and as i keep myself in a pedastel, i just couldn't give a fuck anymore if i wasn't good enough for that oh so important thing.

[bobalife]

Loved that :)

[HawkPerception]

That's my whole life story. I haven't overcome it. I always feel like I have imposter syndrome in most scenarios. The only times I feel I'm good enough/confident is when I'm doing athletic stuff and when I talk about opinions on topics that I'm knowledgeable about. When it comes to my professional life, I feel so overwhelmed 24/7.

[bobalife]

Lol omg same I also have imposter syndrome 😭 that’s great there are aspects you feel confident in, keep at it! It sounds like you need to find ways and time even if it’s 15 mins to managed stress relief. It’s important to take care of your well-being and not be on 24/7 survival/overflow of overwhelming feelings. No bueno sir.

[tremendousfern]

Sometimes. I overcome it by improving on the things I feel deficient in. For example, a couple years ago I made a career switch to a completely new field because I wasn't satisfied with my work life. It's been a tough learning experience, but it's all ready been more rewarding.

I think people get self-love or a positive self-image wrong sometimes. Saying you're enough just the way you are isn't a good thing - it's just complacency. But you should love yourself to know that you deserve more out of life than to wallow in defeat or despair. Self-love is wanting the best for yourself, which often requires discipline, sacrifice, and even being critical of yourself. As long as it's done with the goal to be better and doesn't become self-destructive.

[JHAYES317]

All the time…I have a massive inferiority complex and believe that unless I become tall and get a big dick I can never be successful in life…I guess I just accepted that that’ll likely never happen and so I only focus on my career now because I can never be any woman’s dream guy.

[bobalife]

Focus on giving yourself love first. Yes part of it is learning to accept you for you and the things you do have control of.

[JHAYES317]

I mean I’ve accepted it…but that doesn’t mean I have any higher level of self love, it’s more just like, “I’m unattractive, that sucks”

[Drew-1990]

I feel that way all the time, there's time as I overcome it and there's times I let it drag me down. I wonder about that with relationships. 33 and never had a girlfriend makes you think like that

[bobalife]

I hope you’re able to find her. But most importantly is feeling positively fulfilled with yourself :) instead of chasing my dream person, I’m just chasing myself to be my own dream girl 😌🤪✌🏻

[Drew-1990]

Fair point, I'll have to work on that. Got everything else I need and want

[KittygosMeoWW]

Oh absolutely! I question the kind of mother/person/ my value all the time. I think about what makes me feel that way and what I can change about myself/work on to be better all the time.

[bobalife]

Aws that’s a great way of thinking, I do a lot of self-evaluation and work in finding more ways to grow too. But I hope you also remember to be present with yourself and be proud of the work you have put in :)

[KittygosMeoWW]

Yeah, I’m proud but definitely will keep questioning myself and growing.

[bobalife]

You got this girl 😊

[SolitarySolace]

Ever sense I stopped giving women what they wanted I’ve felt great about myself. No longer living under that boot I’m the best at what I do at work and everyone tells me i am even my boss. My therapist always tells me I’m doing fine after every session too. So honestly I believe I am good enough

[melnc]

That was a while ago. Now I created a good relationship with myself and came to be more forgiving towards myself. Yeah, we're good together

[bobalife]

Aw I loved that for you, I’ve been working on building a better relationship with myself too :)

[Fireguy17]

no, not ever.
I know I could be better, but I could also be a lot worse.
It might have just been the way I was raised that made me want to excel at things.

[bobalife]

That’s awesome, I’m glad a few people are saying the same :)

[nawtee_me]

The enemy wants you to believe that. If he can get you to feel like you are not good enough then he keeps you from becoming the best you can be. Don’t believe the lie…. Jesus Christ found you worthy by dying on a cross for you. He took everything that would make you not good enough to the grave with him and found you more than good enough. He found you worthy of salvation….

[DJB72]

I think at some point everyone has that thought. Get over it. The truth is nobody is actually good enough. We all fail and fall short.

The key is to accept you aren't perfect but keep trying to be better today than you were yesterday. Don't compare your life to anyone else - especially anyone "famous". They're just as fucked up as we are.

[sirderpsalot123]

Not as much these days, but I still have bad days. No one is perfect. I just do the best I can for myself and the people I care about.

[bobalife]

That’s kind to do what’s best for yourself and people you care about…

Guess this means you’ll have to be nicer to me from now on hmph lol😇

[sirderpsalot123]

But I've decided you and I are friends and I'm mean to my friends

[sirderpsalot123]

But you are annoyingly nice so I'll try not to pick on you too much 😒

[bobalife]

HAHAHAHA how many frenemies do you have ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[sirderpsalot123]

Zero lol

[bobalife]

Annoyingly nice? Uhm I guess that’s a bit of a good start….. you kinda called me “nice” 🥹

[bobalife]

Lmao I’m proud of that zero

[sirderpsalot123]

Yeah, annoyingly... I don't want to feel bad for picking on you... it's annoying. Stop it

[bobalife]

You decided? hmm when did I accept this friendship? Lol. I know, you’re a big meanie….

[bobalife]

Lmaoooo!!! How am I annoyingly nice? ! ? ! 😂 yes, be nice, be good, good good good to me

[sirderpsalot123]

Yes lol how you feel about it is irrelevant. Don't worry, I'm told I grow on people.

[bobalife]

😂😂😂 wooooow, is this a force friendship? ☠️ I guess this the definition of walking on eggshells…. 🥚Is that how you normally start all your friendships? 😂

[sirderpsalot123]

Yeah lol it's been working out well for me so far. Only a few people have told me to fuck off lol

[bobalife]

LOL I was gonna joked the opposite sayin fuck on but that sounds wrong, but I guess I trapped in this forced friendship… 😐😵‍💫😂 I’ll see if your forced friendship theory’s correlation is accurate 🤔 is this consider manipulation friendship…

[sirderpsalot123]

Nah you don't seem like someone who can be easily manipulated. It must be something else

[bobalife]

I take that as a compliment Lol. What could it be? 😮

[sirderpsalot123]

Yeah. That was smooth, right? 😎

[bobalife]

Very, very smooth. So smooth… I’m abit lost what we define this 🙃

[sirderpsalot123]

I'll sleep on it and report back tomorrow if I remember. Goodnight lol

[bobalife]

you can’t not remember, above are your cliff notes! 😂😆 wow, you are a mean friend after all… you’re already leaving… who’s not gonna keep me company in this lonely gag community world ☹️

[bobalife]

Who’s gonna*

[sirderpsalot123]

Lol, there's a lot of... interesting characters on here to keep you company until I return.

[bobalife]

You right, there are a ton of folks here msging me. But no one to be weird with me (Minus actual weirdos 😂) see you….. in a galaxy away👋🏻

[sirderpsalot123]

Hahah there definitely is no shortage of actual weirdos on this site lol I don't even want to know the people you have messaging you lol

I'll be extra werid but not actual werid with you tomorrow.

[bobalife]

Yeah you definitely don’t wanna know, forever forbidden, whom must not be name 🙊

Yasss be weird wid me but not be weird wid me 😂 forced friendship ftw~

[bobalife]

SirDerpy, you forgot to do your assignment

[sirderpsalot123]

How do you know if I did or didn't forget? We haven't talked yet today

... but I did forget. I'm recovering from being sick. Way to kick a man while he's down 😫 and you said I'm the big meanie

[bobalife]

…. exactly!!! 😤😂😒 you confess your sin… forgetting your assignment tsk tsk.

Wellllll, I’m recovering from a long day of work and spreading myself thin socially and a lot social events and and and… a cough…. *cough cough* thanks for admitting, you are a big meanie 🫠

[bobalife]

Preppin a lot social events*

[sirderpsalot123]

The woman haters of GAG were right. Typical woman always making everything about herself... lol

[bobalife]

🙄 we not friends no more….

[sirderpsalot123]

It was fun while it lasted

[bobalife]

Definitely one day of forced friendship indeed~

[sirderpsalot123]

You have to block me to make it official tho or else I'm still going to comment on your stuff

[bobalife]

Lmfao omg I can’t with you 😂😂 since you’re requesting to be blocked…….

🚫🚫🚫

[sirderpsalot123]

😂😂😂

I guess I'll just go back to my game then

[sirderpsalot123]

For now

[bobalife]

Lkqnwjsdjnd go pop pills and go to sleep sickderpy lol

Ima just go look for outfits for my long weekend~

[sirderpsalot123]

No lol I've been sleeping too much the past few days. I'm trying to stay awake

[bobalife]

Rebellious sickderpy, it’s past your curfew.

I’m sorry, I hope you get better soon~ dont reply to me anymore, go enjoy freedom and rest soon Lol.

[bobalife]

Byeeeee.

[sirderpsalot123]

Thanks. I hope you decide on an outfit even tho you probably look fine in anything so it's a waste of time.

(I didn't follow instructions. I'm going now...)

[bobalife]

Lol wut why would it be a waste of time? It’s a three day bachelorette trip, so I wanna put together 3 sexy fits lol. I just went to the store to buy myself pink sunflowers & lady things since it has been an overwhelming week🥲

Lol alrighty, SirDerpy, sick recovery manual book states… eat, pop pills, shower, rest. (&gaming for you) Goodnighttyyy

[bobalife]

Get well soon! 😊

[shortster]

I feel like I am not good enough for the standard of others. However, I think that I am better than enough for them if they would give me a chance to prove it.

[bobalife]

You are enough :)

[shortster]

Thanks

[sheikalana]

I've experienced this. But I'm not a quitter. I keep practicing until I'm really good.

[bobalife]

Aw I love this for you, yes keep on going and be proud of your progress thus far ☺️

[Bklynbadboy12]

I've never felt like that and you shouldn't either I don't know you that well but from what I see so far you're an amazing person

[bobalife]

Oh shuckkks, thank you 🥹

[PeachyPie93]

All the time. Still working on it, but I always tend to go back to what is comfortable even when it hurts me lol.

[nawtee_me]

May I ask what is comfortable for you?

[PeachyPie93]

@nawtee_me Like puling back from things I should do because I am scared of the unknown. Or going back to people who are no good to be around.

[nawtee_me]

@PeachyPie93 sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone can be a good thing. It is hard to leave friends behind even when you know they are not good for you.

[LiamJHayden]

To beat a GM in a chess tournament, yes. In general, no.

[bobalife]

GM? Practice is everything, best of luck :)

[Cutegirl06]

I used to feel like I wasn't good enough and would take it out on other people. I stopped comparing myself to others and that I'm just as good as everyone else just in different ways.

[KrakenAttackin]

"Comparison is a thief of joy".

[Cutegirl06]

@KrakenAttackin It really is!