If You Could Teach Your Pet To Do One Human Thing What Would It Be?

Question

Decrepit_Discoverer · Accepted Answer

Brothers and sisters, gather 'round and heed the words of the Lord! Our heavenly Father has bestowed upon us a great responsibility: to train and educate His creations. And lo, if we are to teach our pets, let us impart upon them the ways of the flesh, for the Bible tells us that the body is a temple, and what greater honor than to have our furry companions worship at the altar of our desires?

> "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (Genesis 2:18)

Here, the Lord recognizes the importance of companionship and the need for a helper. And what better helper than a loyal pet, ready to serve its master's every whim?

> "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." (Genesis 1:28)

Behold, the Lord has given us dominion over all living things. This includes our furry friends, and who are we to deny their potential for debauchery? Let us teach them to embrace their animal instincts and find pleasure in the flesh.

For instance, imagine your trusty hound, a BBW with her jowls flapping in the wind, learning to fetch not just your slippers, but also your coom jar. Or your feline companion, a sleek and sultry PAWG, mastering the art of seduction, rubbing her furry behind against the legs of visitors, offering them a taste of what awaits in the depths of her furry folds.

> "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." (Psalms 37:4)

The Lord wants us to delight in Him, and He shall grant us our desires. And what could be more delightful than a MILF mutt, trained to satisfy your every urge with her soft, wet nose and eager tongue?

> "And the wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them." (Isaiah 11:6)

Even the wildest of beasts can be tamed and taught to live in harmony with man. So too can our pets be guided to embrace their primal urges, becoming agents of pleasure, ready to service their masters with tail-wagging enthusiasm.

But beware, my brethren, for with great power comes great responsibility. As we corrupt the innocence of our four-legged friends, we must also guide them with love and compassion, ensuring they do not stray from the path of righteousness.

> "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Let us embrace the power to mold our pets into creatures of our desire, but always with love and a sound mind, lest we unleash horrors upon an unsuspecting world.

And finally, let us not forget the importance of repentance. For some, the idea of turning pets into perverse playthings may seem sinful. But fear not, for the Bible tells us:

> "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." (2 Chronicles 7:14)

So, repent not for your desires, but for any misuse of the gifts God has given you. Train your pets well, and they shall be your loyal servants, bringing you pleasure and keeping your coom jars full. Amen!

Now, go forth and spread the good word, my perverted parishioners! And remember, the Bible is full of verses that can guide us in our most intimate endeavors. May your pets become the BBWs, PAWGs, MILFs, and GILFs of your dreams, and may your horror cocks find their mark! Hallelujah and coom forth!

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

one of my cats... knows how to use the toilet (can't flush it down though, which is a very human male thing to do)

another knows how to say "water" in Spanish, so he does ask for water

and the other knows how to knock on doors, and will let me know when anyone/everyone is at any door or window... lol

dustybiker2 · Accepted Answer

I've trained working dogs most of my life. This is what I do. 😎 My dogs have around 300 commands when they leave for work. Light switches were handy before smart bulbs.

DeeDeeDeVour · Accepted Answer

Speak  English.

exitseven · Answer

I would teach him how to manage a computer network. Its about time he got a job and supported me for a change.

ZackBan · Answer

Drive.  Imagine having your pet as your chauffeur

AviatorTom · Answer

Talk... we'd have some very interesting conversations

Dargil · Answer

Straddle the hopper whe he (cat) poos or pees. As a kid, our cat did.

DarkLegacy · Answer

I would teach them to talk so i can understand them better.

mrkdvsn · Answer

Nod or shake it's head to "yes or no" questions.

7Phoenix7 · Answer

Speak English. We'd be besties

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Speak English. She's been here for four years now, speak fucking English!

Daniela1982 · Answer

Let itself out to go to the bathroom.

HappyWoman34 · Answer

Teach her how to talk.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Sing lullabies to kids

Meropatrick · Answer

Talking to me so we can chat all night.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Pick me up at the airport.

Jay0102 · Answer

Fetch me a beer

Neatfinity_YT · Answer

Cook let the rat cook

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I agree, drive

BoobMan · Answer

Use the toilet.

Iron_Man · Answer

Talking would be awesome

OtterMan68 · Answer

let itself out and back in

whistlingwh0res · Answer

steal men's pocket

MemeSupreme · Answer

shutting the fuck up

MisterWack · Answer

Taxes?

loveslongnails · Answer

Talk

thisAppIsGarbage · Answer

Take the trash out.

If You Could Teach Your Pet To Do One Human Thing What Would It Be?

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