Even after getting revenge and succeeding, why do I now feel worse?

[Anonymous]

I got revenge on my 8th grade tormentors; a former crush (he faked it, pretended to like me) and two mean girls that orchestrated a humiliating party for me. It was all planned, premediated. My best friend Mia was on my side and left the party with me. I've been away from social medias for the longest and even changed to a private school as a result. They ruined my self-esteem that day. The once shy girl disappeared forever.

12 years later:

They didn't recognize me and I got revenge on all 3 of them, did them worse than they did to me. Mia and I celebrated this victory. Now all of the suddenly, I don't know why I'm feeling more miserable than ever. I got what I wanted, the 3 of them at my mercy, their hurtful expressions, their sudden ''omg I'm sorry'' as soon they finally recognized who I was. I was going to continue with my revenge (wanted to make them suffer more) but I started crying and couldn't anymore. But what's happening to me?

I don't know what's happening. I'm feeling worse than before. Suddenly I can't continue with my revenge. I succeeded and got what I wanted. But no... I'm not happy. I feel trashy, as if I've achieved NOTHING. Why?

[TheorionMage]

To paraphrase a line of dialogue from Rodenberry's Star Trek episode 'The AMOK Time'... SPOK remarks to his fiancee' T'Prinn's side suitor: "You may find that the 'having' is not as satisfying as the (anticipatory) 'wanting'..."

While doubtless, you were entitled to redress the machinations done TO you,
by doing so, you lowered your standards to your Bullys level, that THEY WOULD understand your hurt--- its not unlike emotional masturbation: You feel 'soiled' but go wash your hands, and be 'done' with them; ...its passed.

[Asker]

That's pretty much it. I was so excited before my revenge plan took place. That's what I wanted so badly, to make them pay for what they did to me. I wanted to humiliate them, hurt them back. I got what I wanted but in doing so, I've changed forever too. I've become what I hated.
I really thought I was going to continue getting more revenge on them but I'm stopping now. I can't proceed.

[Plugs]

Was it really worth pretending to like him? Like what was the incentive for u? Definitely his first girlfriend never wanted to keep him around. She literally threw him over to u

[Asker]

@Plugs
It was after my revenge that I realized, I've achieved nothing of importance and became just like them, became someone I don't even know anymore. Even them expressing their apologies and seeing them getting hurt, changed nothing.

[exitseven]

Revenge is not for you apparently. Consider your good luck.

[Asker]

I feel so much worse than before. I guess I wasted time with this revenge. I got the results I wanted, thought it would make me feel better but it didn't.

[exitseven]

There is an expression about revenge and digging two holes. I sort of forgot exactly how it goes. I think you are a very empathetic person. Why not just take the win and decide you do not need any more revenge.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

What you want is not necessarily what you need. Maybe instead of seeking justice, you need to seek healing.

[Asker]

It's so ironic isn't it? I planned my revenge, was so excited about it, got the results I wanted but in the end it didn't make me feel better. It's like I've now become someone I don't even know anymore.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You were the good guy until you weren’t anymore

[Anonymous]

Revenge is toxic.

[Asker]

I'm realizing this now. I really thought it would make me feel better but it didn't.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they didn’t think about u that much

[Asker]

It's typical for bullies. They don't think about you nor even recognize you but we (the affected ones) do remember it clearly.

[Opinion Owner]

What did u do to them

[Asker]

One of the mean girls was his girlfriend but he was cheating on her with me. He thought I was the one he loves and we had a short-term relationship; then he proposed. I pretended to love him (fake that whole time) and rejected his proposal in the most harsh and humiliating way possible in front of the two mean girls, his parents and other friends. A couple people ended up laughing at him.

[Opinion Owner]

I think u lost yourself in the process.

[Opinion Owner]

U put your emotions and pretended to be his girlfriend. That’s so unecessary. That girl intimidated u so much. U felt she was so superior to u

[Asker]

yeah I've changed forever. My former self doesn't exist anymore. My mother is disappointed in me, that I'm no longer that once sweet, down-to-earth person that would help others, that would focus on being the better person, etc.

[Opinion Owner]

Why were u so jealous of those girls

[Asker]

I let my emotions take over me and it's like my mother guess right. During the time I was taking my revenge, my mother said I would end up regretting it in the end because it wouldn't make me feel better. My mother was right. After my revenge, I felt empty again, worse than the humiliating party incident.

[Opinion Owner]

Why were u so jealous of those girls? Really curious

[Asker]

I wanted them to pay for what he and those two girls did to me at the party. He pretended to like me for many weeks and organized his b-day party. He claimed he had something great to say. I thought it was going to be to ask me out since he was treating me nice at school. Those two girls were always mean for no reason. Only to find out, it was to humiliate me at the party.

[Opinion Owner]

How exactly they humiliated u? I don’t get it.

[Asker]

Flashback to 8th grade:
He invited me to his party. He was dancing with me for a moment and then just when I thought he was going to kiss me (I thought it would be my first kiss), he mocked me about my braces, big nose and glasses; said he never liked me, only faked it and that he and those two girls organized this so everyone can have a good laugh. Then him, the two girls and other started laughing. As I was leaving the party in sadness, the two mean girls loudly called out ''My name, the ugliest girl in school''.