Why does being wise beyond your years completely eliminate you from the dating scene?

[Anonymous]

I would argue that pretty much every good guy is wise beyond their years and because of that, they are often overlooked by young women that are of their age. Why is this so? Sure many girls look for a fun partner but at what cost? Many of their "fun" partners are only fun because they are stupidly outgoing and that often times means they do drugs and drink a lot and maybe even sleep around and play the field.

Why are these girls not seeing this as a the complete turn off that it is? If they even took the chance to get to know a good guy, they might discover that he isn't so boring after all and that he might be open to going out and partying as well, but without taking part in all of the stupid activities. A real catch.

Being a good guy should be admired, instead we all get shafted in dating.

[kholland65]

It's like you stole the words right out of my mouth. I literally have people say this to me all the time. Adults and people my own age, men and women, always says things like, "you are so wise beyond your years", "You would make a great dad", "Your so smart and have lots of common sense". I even had a girl on GaG message me asking if I was in fact 24. She thought I had to be at least 40 because of the wisdom included in my answers.

I have also not be the most successful person in the dating world and I think a lot of that can be contributed to the fact that I perceived as boring even though I'm far from it. I like to party, I drink, I'll experiment with drugs, I go to sporting events and concerts, I like to socialize, try new things, I even play in a band. The problem is that I tend to get to logical in life and as a result I tend to refrain from anything that appears risky. I take a calculated approach to life that I don't think many young women appreciate. They prefer a guy who wheres his heart on his sleeve and can throw caution to the wind. For example, I rather have an intellectual conversation with a girl that just act like 10yr goofballs, I rather watch the news than watch Jersey Shore, I rather drink wine with my Girlfriend and watch a movie than get trashed at a party. However at my age, 24yr old girls will not likely share those preferences.

On the flip side, I think there is some truth to what stupidstupidme is saying. There are a lot of guys similar to me that let their inability to take risks effect their ability to show confidence and ask girls out. They're too afraid of the rejection. They assume the sheer amount of positive qualities they poses and their maturity will attract women in and of themselves, when in reality they don't because women are not logical. They do not rationalize who they date, its mostly about emotions and how the person makes her feel. Listing positive traits doesn't make a girls heart race. However, this isn't the case with me. I'm not a PUA, but I've def asked out plenty of women to no avail.

I also think there is an element of going after the wrong type of women, and I'm guilty of this myself. For some reason it does appear that the more attractive women tend to be the more wild ones. I think simply because they're smart enough to realize that their good looks as a woman open up a lot of doors so they're in no hurry to slow their lifestyle down. As a result, us mature guys are being tricked by our eyes and penis to go for the attractive girls who are nothing like us.

I will say this though, I've actually read articles from dating coaches advising women to give the boring guy a chance because he's usually the guy who makes the best bf/husband. So that tells me this is a real issue, with women simply going after the guy who gives them the biggest adrenalin rush as opposed to the guy with the best resume and potential to be a positive partner in her life.

[SDj-9]

Couldn't agree more! Best answer right here ^

[kholland65]

The reality is there really is no such thing as a "boring guy" with just a few exceptions. Yeah there are those guys who never leave the couch and just play xbox, but most guys aren't like that. The reality though is not every guy is going to live a life like a rock star. As a matter of fact most rock stars end up dead, in jail, or in rehab, so I don't think as a girl you want to be chasing guys like that.

[SDj-9]

You just hit the spot. I wondered about this many times. Why would some girls choose some jerks who can just trash talk, drink, smoke and just act plain stupid and irresponsible. In what world is that behavior captivating? Anyways what I learned is that not every girl is like that. You just need to let them know you. People who are a bit more mature for their years like me and I assume you, can be a little closed off for another people, which is making us much harder to get to know and eventually date. It is our fault also.

I think that if we open up a little bit to others, they can see that we can be amazing, and really good for them, so that's the part we need to work on...



As for girls who are just attracted to the kind of immaturity stated above, you don't need them, trust me, they just aren't for guys like you. So I guess I can just wish good luck to both of us in our future romantic endeavors... :)

[Asker]

But why is it always the good looking ones? :(

[SDj-9]

Oh, trust me bro, there are beautiful girls out there that are not like that... I guess you just came across that kind of girls you are describing more often, so in your head it looks like that...

[stupidstupidme]

Do these wise sages approach women? Are they good at expressing interest? Or do they keep to themselves and contemplate life?

Hate to say it, but there is 100% a girl out there your age who is mature and appreciative of knowledge, wisdom, and maturity, but you're just not making yourself available.

Also, I see a lot of guys complaining that girls only date douches, when they're only going for that type of girl and ignore the less glamourous girls.

[Asker]

Why would you go for a girl that you're not attracted to? These girls need to get it into their heads that they are the ones making the wrong decisions for themselves and look in the mirror and make things right. These women aren't making themselves available to the right guys.

It's not all on us.

[stupidstupidme]

I'm not saying it's all on you. I'm just saying:

Really hot guys go for the slutty, Barbie-doll girls because they are readily available and throw themselves at them. So smart girls who don't spend as much time on their appearance, but may or may not have the potential to look just as perfect if they cared, hate on the Barbies.

Same. Hot girls only date douche-y, muscle guys because they are readily available and throw themselves at them. So smarter but less ostentatious guys get frustrated.

[stupidstupidme]

And then both go on sites like girlsaskguys and complain about the opposite gender only going for the fake Barbies or the meathead douche-bags.

[Anonymous]

Why does being wise beyond your years completely eliminate you from the dating scene?

I didn't realize it did.

[Asker]

It definitely does, especially for a man.

[Opinion Owner]

I respectfully disagree.

[Asker]

Why?

[Opinion Owner]

Because I *prefer* men that are wise beyond their years. I don't like immaturity, I don't like clubbing/partying all the time, I want companionship and long conversations, not cheap flattery.

And I'm not the only woman with these preferences.

[Asker]

You are also older than me. I have high school and a couple college years fresh on my memory and girls my age aren't as mature as you most likely. Very few girls my age impress me, no matter how pretty they are, their actions and attitudes say it all.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, just date women you're actually interested in. Don't worry about age, if you connect with someone older, then go for that. A lot of women are dating younger men these days anyway.

[harveykinkle]

Uuuguuuuug I know!

Young people hate us and older people do too!

[Asker]

I find older people, particularly women, more drawn to me than girls my own age, for some reason. Middle aged married women, or even elderly women. Ugh I wish girls my own age would talk to me!

[mshaker]

Its so because they don't think like us. They don't have the same visionary mind that we do. If you want these girls to pay attention to you. Flirt with them, while using your wisdom. They love it, and I do it all the time. ha

You'll find a good girl one day, stop stressing and she will come along.

[kheserthorpe]

Looking back I'd say most good guys have a mixture of being very mature in a 'responsibility' way but quite immature in terms of emotions and relationship dynamics.

[dwiller943]

That's a very good question. Wise good guys are always a better option in my eyes.

[MikeK]

This was a brilliant question!