Boyfriend has nude pics of his Ex's on computer

[Anonymous]

Hi I need some advice as to what I should do. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and lately our sex life has basically become worse and worse to where now we only have sex maybe about once a month. We both work shift work and various hours and are both usually exhausted when we go to bed so I blamed our dwindling sex life on that.

Today I was looking through my boyfriends computer which he has had only for a month and found tons of explicit photos of four of his exes. Which means he has transferred them from I'm assuming his old computer to his new...

I'm pretty upset by this what do you think I should do ...

[washize]

How upset by it are you?

Is it the pictures making you upset?

Is it your job making you upset?

Is it the lack of sex making you upset?

Is it the lack of time you've been spending with your Boyfriend making you upset?

IT it a combination of all of the above?

IF you talk to him about the pictures, he's more than likely going to go on a rant and blame you for not trusting him and invading his privacy. So you really need to assess if that is a can of worms or potential argument that you are emotionally ready for. Do you think the pictures need to be addressed? Do you think the pictures are an indication of problems in the relationship? OR do you just find the pictures offensive, and believe that they are disrespectful to you?

Have you talked about your sex life? Perhaps you two can scheduled some time off to romance each other?

Has he complained about the lack of sex?

IF you want to stay in this relationship. You should try to work this out as a TEAM. Schedule time off together and make each other and your sexual life a PRIORITY. If he isn't willing, or you find yourself doing all the work. Your relationship is dead.

[samhradh_leannan]

To me, that's a big red flag. Nude pictures of exes are different from p*rn because they are real people who he knows and they are connected to emotions. If I found nude pictures of people my boyfriend actually knows/knew on his computer, I would feel very upset and disrespected. I would let him know that I don't feel comfortable with it, and explain why, and ask him if he would be willing to delete them. If he wasn't willing to, I would probably break up with him. I don't want a boyfriend who is still attached to naked photos of another girl.

[Lovet]

I don't know how much you two tolerate in your relationship but that's a clear red flag to me. I know that 4 years are a long time span, but this shows that he is not as dedicated as you are and you should question if he is really the right man for you...And I would definitely address this topic, put him in an awkward situation, he owes you an explanation/apology...

[Anonymous]

Well, he could have just transferred all his files collectively. He didn't necessarily decide to keep those photos. He may have forgotten all about them.

In any case, though, you should surely be worried about the collapse of your sex life together. You two need to discuss honestly what your problems are and how to resolve them. Otherwise, you might as well quit now. You're just wasting each others' time.

[glamphotog]

Wait so he should destroy all pictures with his ex-girlfriends in it or just the nude ones?

[washize]

Is it normal for someone to keep pictures Nude or not of ALL of their ex's? I've never done this, or known anyone that has. Isn't this an indication that they're still hung up on them, or have a problem?

As I said I've never known anyone who's done this. Is is normal? Does it mean anything?

I've read about guys complaining about their girlfriends/wives keeping pictures of ex's.

[glamphotog]

I have old pictures of my ex-girlfriends. I don't have them hanging up on my wall in a nice frame. I don't have them as wallpapers for my PC or phone. If someone asked if I had a picture of one of my ex-girlfriends, I'd have to look for it. If I got a new PC, I would transfer everything under the "My Documents" folder to the new PC. If I got a new house, I would move my box of old pictures with me.

[Lovet]

@glamphotog one question: do you have a girlfriend?

[glamphotog]

I've been dating one girl for about 4 months but we're not exclusive.

[Lovet]

Well there's a difference between 4 months not exclusive and a (I guess) committed relationship

[Lovet]

*of 4.5 years

[glamphotog]

You should learn to read first before commenting. No where did I say there was a difference.

It's one thing if the guy is looking at his ex-girlfriend everyday and jerking off to them or if he still hangs a picture of his ex on the wall. That's obsessive behavior.

But if I have photos of an old girlfriend in a box labeled "old photos" with all of my other photos stored up in the attic somewhere, who cares?

Hell, I think I have several nude pics of my old girlfriends on my old phones.

[Ch3lsxax7]

Either you better talk to him about this ASAP and be very serious about this or if he dosent want to listen to you then break up with him. I know it sounds hard but from what your situation your saying it's could be a matter of time before he starts talking to one of his exes again and that's definely not good for you. So you better talk to him and put him in his place to delete those photos. I would be pissed the f*ck off too.