Why do guys pull away after a mini argument?

[Anonymous]

Is it a means of clearing his mind and recollecting his thoughts so he can decide where he wants to go with his relationship or is it otherwise? Your thoughts

[Anonymous]

i guess its a way of preventing anything WORSE, like showing you despise the person and still disagree with them, its like agreeing to disagree, keeping your space, and letting it pass really, depending on the context of the argument, if it wasn't terribly bad, some people just wanna let it go and let it pass rather then heatedly debate and argue over it until one wins...its all about ego sometimes, no one wants to admit theyre wrong

this happened to me quite recently, I had this heated conversation with this guy, I actually like him so it was painful for me to hear him being on the fence with me and my choices...and after that fight we both stayed away from each other, I ignored him, and he ignored me for a day, I continued to ignore him for a week, but he tried to talk to me acting like nothing happened, he tried to make things better, I liked that about him that he didn't just forget me you know? he came back to me and it shows he cares...i talked to him about it why I was upset and he didn't admit anything but we just made up

guys are not verbal and theyre not emotional, they only think in two ways and just like to perform action, whereas women multitask and have 238383 things on their mind...and a cloud of thoughts...but as long as the guy still comes up to you to talk it shows he cares and doesn't want to lose u.

[Asker]

'' Women multitask and have 238383 things on their mind...and a cloud of thoughts.'' This is so true

[toulouse]

Are you honestly saying you NEVER want space to cool off and collect your thoughts. So you dont:

1. sound irrational and absurd in your argument/ fail to express yourself clearly ,rationally, patiently, respectfully, efficiently.

2. say things you don't mean because you are angry.

3. do something you don't mean to do because you are physically/ mentally/ emotionally angry?

(like accidentally do physical harm)

I entirely sure its not at all uncommon. amomgst all people. not just people with penises.

[Asker]

I do not understand

[toulouse]

im asking you to think back on any time uve been angry.

have you never wanted to be alone afterwards?

i think many people do this. for varos reasons. usually to cool off. or to reason in private. it is not unique and I is not unique to men. its normal.

unless he never trues to resolve it. then you guys can't communicate and the relationship won't work.

some people use 'not wanting drama' as an excuse to never address or resolve issues which of course causes drama. don't date these people.

[Asker]

Oh yes whenever I get pissed off. I tend to require sometime alone to determine my next move. Then I will seek my close friends advice before I make a final decision. So you are correct. True if we cannot communicate then it doesn't make sense having a relationship

[toulouse]

good luck ;-)

[Prettygurl12]

Whenever my boyfriend upsets me, even in a minor way, or does something he THINKS will upset me but doesn't, he runs and cowers like a dog in the corner. He avoids me like the plague until he thinks I've "calmed down" when really I never got riled up in the first place.

The only reason I ever get mad is because he runs away from me after doing something when all I want to do is move onto something else.

[Myth024]

Generally speaking, women like to talk things out with other people but guys like to think them through on their own.

A guy will be thinking of what the problem is, what went wrong, and how to fix the issue. In most cases guys will be thinking of the specifics of the argument and not be thinking much deeper than that.

If you were arguing about moving in but the exact argument was about an ugly couch, the guy will be thinking about the couch, not about the fact that the woman might be stressed about the details of the move itself or what it means in the context of the current relationship. He's trying to figure out why you don't want him to move in his favorite couch.

There have been moments in my own relationship that I realized that I had become so angry, I was no longer thinking rationally and in order to avoid saying something stupid, I would walk away and calm down. I would then try to figure out what started the argument and if the subject matter was just a cover for something else or if we simply disagreed. I would also consider any emotional impact that may have inflamed an argument that might not have been such a big deal.

Keep in mind that there are always exceptions and without knowing all parties involved it's only a guess.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, because we are not typically good communicators. It is a rare man that is. You have to look at the way we were raised: don't cry, man up, etc., etc. Women are raised the opposite: talke your feelings out, crying is OK.

One other thing is that we are not invested in "the argument." Women seem to get invested in it & want it talked out, worked out & carry it on way too long. If we argue with you, you deem us mean & unfair. If we just give in, you may see us as weak; and we may hold resentment towards you.

Best bet is to walk away.

You have to decide if it is actually worth it to continue the argument or let it go.

[Asker]

All of your points were valid but he started the argument just to stay distant so he could start seeing another girl

[Opinion Owner]

Alot of guys will do this, start arguments, just so YOU will break up with them. Then they can say, 'see what a b*tch she is? SHE broke up with me.' You may not feel this way now, but you are better off without him.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Prof_Don]

I'm the type of guy that gives people space when someone is angry or irritated with me, and I almost always keep my cool. I leave them alone for several reasons:

-I'm not the type to stay in the presence of someone who is releasing negative energy

-give the person the space to cool off

-I feel arguing in am emotional rage is a waste of energy

Yeah I will admit some people I know (all of them female) have said that I come of as "dismissive", "evasively nonchalant", and "not giving a f***".

I get how I can come off that way. Being the serene and logical person that I am, when someone is fuming emotionally, I feel rationalizing with an irrational person, is a fool's errand. So when I realize that person isn't listening due to their emotional rage, I say something and I dismiss myself of their presence.

---

Maybe your boyfriend thinks the same way I do.

[3boys4me]

UGH guys like you are so damn frustrating!

[Prof_Don]

"3boys4me", I genuinely do care about the girl's feelings and I do want to find out what's wrong and how to fix it, because I try to make everything better so the relationship dynamic will go smoothly.

If she is yelling and not listening to what I'm saying, and trying to calm her down doesn't work, then I have no choice but to cease talking since I will fall on deal ears.

[Asker]

Honestly I prefer the way you deal with it, a MAN will keep quiet or dismiss the situation as it arises so that both parties can speak about the situation on a level head. I had boyfriends in the pass that would cuss me out as if I was having a confrontation with an enemy. They would tell me all the hurtful things they would have liked to from the beginning. This makes the situation more frustrating and never results in a feasible resolution

[Konnour]

It means being pissed off, mentally wrecked and trying to "self-repair"

I'll tell you a secret - drama and arguing literally hurts mens' health - generally we are way more chill and way more drama-free than women for this reason alone

[Prof_Don]

Very true...the mental health aspect due to stress is a big deal , especially in the USA.

[Anonymous]

Because unlike girls, guys HATE fighting and arguing. We hate drama. If you're always arguing, the guy isn't going to want to be around you after a while.

[toulouse]

lol right. guys hate fighting. you've clearly never dated a guy.

[Opinion Owner]

I am a guy. I hate arguing and fighting. Everyone of my friends and guys I have talked to all hate this about women. It's as if women can never be happy if they don't have something to be angry about. Even pursuing a woman, they make it incredibly difficult for the guy. It's just not fun.

[Asker]

Men like a challenge that is why we Make it difficult to pursue us in the first place. If we are too interested they think we are easy and do that with every guy we meet. I too hate fighting but as a woman, I am cursed with emotions I have to fight to control. Yet, when I get upset by something my spouse has done he needs to know and likewise for me. I just have to choose my battles wisely and don’t scare him away

[Anonymous]

People deal with problems in different ways. I don't think its necessarily a guy or girl thing. Its a type of person thing.

[Asker]

true

[heavenonearth]

That too, but it's also just plain tiring and emotionally draining to fight/argue continually, especially if it's going nowhere. You need some space to cool it and digest it all.

[kheserthorpe]

Because when they're angry guys want to fight.

He doesn't want to beat you up, so he's removed himself till he can calm down.

This is not something to view as a bad thing, as long as he will tackle the issues again.

[Anonymous]

I think guys just want to think about it on their own for a while, unlike girls who would rather talk about it right after the argument or something...

I personally don't like arguing anyway, but when there is an argument, I don't go nuts and screaming and yelling, I ask them to maybe just sit down and talk about it, in a calm way ofcourse. If someone else starts screaming I usually say something like "hey I'll come back when you are cooled off".

[Anonymous]

That can also be the reason.

Also, men are not good with words.