Boyfriend sucks at communication, how to fix it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of two years sucks at communication. Whenever I try to talk to him about something like boundaries, feelings, arguments, etc. I always feel frustrated. Here's what he does

-answer my question with a question repeating what I said Example: how would you feel if ...? Him: well how would you feel?

He's been doing that lately and never used to.

-he would change the subject

-when I asked for his input or why he feels a certain way about things it's always "I don't know" and I'm like really? he really doesn't know or if he's just lazy to think of a reason

Ugh! I was hoping talking would make me feel better but it just made me frustrated

[frankleberry]

OK first thing first this is half you, not you specificlly you but your are a woman and you communicate differently than we do.

I know you think you are being clear and all your girlfiends probably go yeah that is totally clear. Sure it is, to them other woman.

Woman have been shown they use twice as many words a day as men. people sais that means woman comunicate better. Not sure that is true but what often happens is woman from a mans perspective is you go on and on and we just want it what ever the problem is to be resolved.

Thats why when you tell us your problems we give you a solution and you want us to listen to you. If ther eis a problem solve it and go back to fun or whatever.

I would think about what you are going to say before hand and keep widdling it down to a few points.

You did nt give specifics so I will just throw this out there.

I need some time with my friend so unlees ther eis somehting special going on Thursday night I am goingto hang with my friends. Friday and Saturdays I will hang out with you. Be somewhat flexable maybe change the days whatever.

You can talk about feelings but say what you have to say in two sentances or less.

I feel like I need more time with my friends so this is what I want to do.

Isert the abouve suggestion her...

does that work for you or do you wan to do something different.

Most of the time we are happy to make you happy you confuse us as to what that is with to much info and we know if we use the wrong word you are goign to make a huge deal about something so we don't want to say much at all and get ourselves in more trouble.

OK that is half your problem I don't know what his problem. I don't know what his problem is but start with that.

At leased if you do it write you will know it is him

[Asker]

lol Okay so one example. I asked him "Why wouldn't you be bothered if I went to a bachelorette party and got a lap dance?" He said "I don't know" I wanna know why Me: "Uh how can you not know?" lol

[Confucius16]

There are two ways that this could go down. One idea is that no matter how much you do, you can't make someone learn how to communicate. It is a learned skill. On the other hand, if he is willing to change or if you can make him willing to change, he can learn. So just encourage him to improve on his communication skills.

Tell him that you feel frustrated that whenever you ask him a question, he changes the topic or asks you a rhetorical question, instead of answering the question. Be assertive, and tell him that he needs to communicate better. Otherwise, if you want to stay with him, you have to deal with his inability to communicate.

[JanJan]

It's possible that he feels pressured. Try and keep conversations like this more casual. Women are generally a little better at this type of communication and self-reflection than men are, so when we get like this, it often freaks them out. We are nurturers and like to constantly work on the relationship, but unless he's complaining, he probably likes the relationship just fine. Perhaps he feels like he's being quizzed, and just wants to give you the right response. Maybe he's repeating the question because he thinks that you will only settle for your own answer. It's the equivalent of "whatever you say, dear".

That doesn't mean that you should settle for bad behavior , however. If you have a beef with him, just come out and say it. "When you did _____, I felt _______." Then let him speak. If you try and psychoanalyze him, you might not get anywhere.

[Fatbanel]

My boyfriend is the same way sometimes,I think they feel guilty about what they do or always wanna be the one that's right..if they do something wrong they will never admit to it,what you can do is just tell him how you feel comely,tell him baby I don't like what you doing,just tell him how you feeling and let it go walk away,they listen but they don't wanna admit it or let you know they wrong..but if yalltalk about it with him and he still don't do it than you can either accept who he is and be with him or dump his ass or you could also just not tell hum buffing aylt all when he realizes you don't talk about nothing anymore he will take charge.good luck hun

[why-makoto-kun]

Tell him how you feel in a calm, non-accusatory way. If he doesn't want to make more of an effort, than it's time to leave.

[Anonymous]

It must be that he rally doesn't want to talk about serious issues since he just want to have fun in relationships.

[SwissCheeze]

Simple get e a new boyfriend who actually listens.