How do communicate better with my boyfriend?

[Elenareedmf]

I have recently got into a relationship with a guy I was seeing. We both agreed to be together. This is the first relationship for both. I started calling him once per day to ask about his day and etc and he doesn't seem to mind but never calls me first. Today I called him but he was driving and I couldn't hear him well so I suggested he calls me when gets home if he wants to catch up. He hasn't called me and I don't want to be clingy girlfriend checking on her partner all the time. He usually does call or text after few hours but I'm over thinking this. We were supposed to meet on Wednesday so my question is if he doesn't call me next day do I initiate again or wait for him to contact me? It will be our last meeting before vacations and I really wanted to see him before going away. We said to go for dinner. Should I drop him a message good night or will it be too much after I called? I'm really confused cause I'm having a wonderful time with him, I just get awkward and feel like my anxiety will ruin this.

[bowenw]

I suggest being yourself. If you feel like sending him a good night message, do it. If those kinds of things bother him for some reason it's best to find out now and move on if you aren't compatible.

[Elenareedmf]

We talked on the phone earlier and we chatted a bit so I'm honestly tired and think it's best if I call him tomorrow (although I feel like what ever I'm doing is wrong), just wanted to write him good night to let him know I'm not bothered by him not calling me again but I believe calling him tomorrow with a clearer mind it's best

[bowenw]

Good plan. Hopefully he is not bothered by a simple text or phone call. I'm always honored when someone is thinking of me and calls or texts, even if I happen to be busy.

[Elenareedmf]

I wanted to ask him how he was but I said what are u doing so I hope it didn't sound like I'm checking on him. I was also outside and couldn't hear him so I told him to talk later if he wanted to catch up, and to give me a call when he gets home if he isn't tired. As be didn't I'm going to sleep but I'm really worried I sounded like entitled girlfriend but all I wanted was just to let him know I was thinking about him. I can always call tomorrow and let him know I was tired and would love to catch up in person. I can't stop thinking that he could have send me this good night text instead. Honestly, when I call he doesn't seem bothered or anything just hate asking what you're doing cause it sounds controlling, wanted to simply ask what he was up to

[bowenw]

I don't think asking someone that you care about what they are doing is controlling or sounding entitled, but you know him best.

[Elenareedmf]

Yes this is what I wanted to hear. I have hard time acting like a girlfriend I'm not used to that and he wasn't in a relationship before so we haven't really got to know each other's communication styles.

[Elenareedmf]

I've created a habit of calling him once per day when I can. Do you think it was too much to ask him to catch up later? I mean my calls are literally short not even five minutes. I'm. just so worried. I don't. sound. exciting to him anymore.

[bowenw]

If I were him I would be happy to hear from you daily or more often, especially on days you can't see each other in person. I'd worry if I hadn't heard from you and be thinking the same things you are. You should be able to be yourself in a relationship and not worry about being constantly exciting. Not everything is exciting in a relationship, like going grocery shopping together, but there's comfort in doing it together.

[Elenareedmf]

I agree but with the same logic wouldn't he be calling me if he really wanted to hear from me? I try to call once per day chat a bit and etc. I told him before hanging up "bye for now"- I'm super awkward 😄

[bowenw]

I would expect him to be calling and texting you if he's really into you. You may have to ask him what he's doing when you don't hear from him. I hope he's not trying to make you chase him.

[Elenareedmf]

Why would he try that though? He's mostly meditating, being outside with friends, reading and stuff. Yeah, I thought the same but yesterday for example we spent Saturday night together, separated and I called him when I was outside to join me. He said he'll call me later and he did that's why I'm a bit surprised I didn't hear from him after he went home.

[Elenareedmf]

I mean I called him yesterday also and he didn't seem to mind since he called me back and we met actually

[bowenw]

I can understand why you may be feeling confused. One time he calls you but other times he leaves you wondering. You could try prodding him to call you more often in a nonthreatening way. For example tell him you really like it when he calls you for no reason at all because you miss him when you're apart.

[Elenareedmf]

Yes seems most reasonable. Not sure if I should call him tomorrow though. Don't really feel in the right mindset and don't want him to know that. We've got plans for Wednesday anyhow but calling him every day makes me feel like I'm going to pull him away

[bowenw]

I would call him tomorrow or whenever you feel you want to talk to him. Don't feel bad about it. He needs to understand that you are a person that likes to keep the communication lines open.

[Elenareedmf]

I don't think he'd mind that. Today I called him back cause I received his missed call previously and cut it off cause he was driving and talking to me, so it was like a minute call telling me about his day that's why I asked him to call me back later if he wanted cause I couldn't hear him clearly. He hasn't called me second time so now I'm hesitant to call again

[bowenw]

If he doesn't like to communicate and you're the opposite it could be a warning sign. On the other hand It could just be that he's new to being in a relationship and needs to get used to the idea that you truly want to hear from him.

[Elenareedmf]

Yes this could be but does calling him every day help with that? It might seem like I don't trust him.

[Elenareedmf]

To be in constant communication I mean

[bowenw]

All you can do is ask him if calling him often bothers him. Everyone is different, but I like to think in a serious relationship communication is the most important thing.

[Elenareedmf]

Yes indeed, he called me today and tomorrow we are meeting so I might bring it up

[bowenw]

Sending you best wishes and courage. 🤗