Thoughts on 'Girlfriend Zero'

[OfAfricandescent]

Just looking for your thoughts on the link I provided. Goes to an article about 'Girlfriend Zero'

link

[Anonymous]

Very interesting. I think there are Boyfriend Zeroes for girls too sometimes, though maybe it's not as common as Girlfriend Zeroes for guys. I'm not a guy, so I don't know how common it is for them versus us...

But from my experience, my girlfriends seem to be increasingly disillusioned with love with each new failed romantic interest. Thus, the more boyfriends they have, the more cynical, practical, and unsatisfied they get about the whole thing...unless they stumble upon a truly great guy in the middle that restores their hope.

For me, I haven't been gradually disillusioned like most of my friends, but was completely devastated when my first real romantic interest didn't like me back. I've found that seeing through the enchantment of love makes casting the spell on others very easy. A year after my Guy0 (Since we never actually dated), I got into a relationship with a boyfriend that I chose logically rather than emotionally.

He was reallyyy nice to me, exceptionally loyal, playful, sweet, not at all arrogant, down to earth, and simple enough that I knew how to make him happy and wasn't at all worried about mind games, like I was with Guy0.

Though it took a year or more for my feelings to catch up with my logic, he turned out to be a perfect boyfriend, and I'm still with him 4 years later. Though we're each others' first and only everythings, and he's repeatedly implied that he intends to marry me -- I've always been careful to never let myself get too comfortable with him, with our relationship, the idea of having him for any longer than today, or put him on a pedestal in any way that I did Guy0.

For my boyfriend, I realized that I am his girfriend0. After having experienced just how horrible having a 0 can be, I've decided that I will never put anyone through that if I don't have to.

Consequently, by acting like I loved my boyfriend, I genuinely came to love him. Being someone's girlfriend0, if you are smart enough to recognize that you are that important to a guy and keep it that way, is the most humbling and satisfying facet of love I've ever experienced.

Thus, I would not be destroyed if our relationship ever came to an end. I would find a way to quickly pull myself together again, date again, be happy again, and continue living. But in the meantime, there's no reason for me to want it to stop. And for his sake, as long as he seems to care for me the way he does, I will never let him go.

[OfAfricandescent]

Nice answer. In my experience there aren't a lot of women who will wait that long to develop feelings for someone. I usually see 'I want feelings straight away or I'm moving on'.

[Anonymous]

I definitely think this article makes some important, valid points about men in relationships. I've dated many men, pretty much every guy I have dated has had a Girl Zero before me. The girl who they put on a pedestal, who they thought was perfect, who was heavenly, so wonderful, yet somehow let them down and destroyed them.

I think part of the problem with this Girl Zero issue, is that the guys put her on the pedestal too soon. What exactly has she done to deserve it? From the article, to me it seems like the guy thinks she's perfect, but maybe he was ignoring (in his love-lorne state), some of the red flags that would have shown him she wasn't the one.

Everyone falls in to this trap, both men and women. It's part of love, our judgement is clouded when we are in love. We think the other person is perfect. But they are not. They are human just like us.

I've been the girl who has had to deal with the fall out of Girl Zero. I was the girl who didn't do anything wrong and did everything right, yet I wasn't as good as Girl Zero so I got dropped :( I wasn't as attractive as her, or I wasn't as bold or daring, or as intelligent. But what I lacked in those areas I make up with kindness, caring and consideration. But those traits are not valued as much.

I've been told many times I am a one of a kind girl. Parents love me, and want me to be the one. But I never am the one. I'm never good enough to be put on that pedestal or to compare to Girl Zero. So whenever I am in a relationship with a guy, it's like he's looking for someone better, because there is always someone better.

It sucks to be the girl after Girl Zero!

[washize]

I have little to no sympathy for men and women who stay in abusive relationships.

They either have a mental illness, or are masochists to let situations like that prolong.

People shouldn't abuse you, yet you shouldn't allow people to abuse you either. Healthy people tend to avoid relationships like this, or end them abruptly when it shows signs of heading in that direction.

I dated a guy who seemed perfect, After 3 months he "tried" to use abusive tactics on me. Say that if I don't do xyz that I didn't love him, or that I wasn't as pretty as his ex, ect. He did it for a week and I left him. He didn't understand "why".

Simply drop people who are toxic out of your life. Unless you are being locked in a basement no one is holding you hostage in a relationship. Leave.

[Pedantic]

It is an interesting read. Men are physically stronger (in general), and women (in my opinion) are emotionally stronger (in general), and I think this accounts for some of the article's opinions. In my own adolesence, girls could be seen cloistered about one another engaging in some very intense uses of language, sometimes with one of them leaving the circle crying. The boys? They are out in the field playing kickball. Its quite clear they started emotional bootcamp early on.

'Girlfriend Zero' represents the all-in move that ended badly, and I think the article's position on the ideal role of a woman in a man's heart is reasonably truthful. I think there are healhty limits that should be applied to the kind of worshipfulness the author is talking about, but overall there is a place in most of our hearts for such adoration, and that this place shuts down after the so-called 'Girlfriend Zero'.

I think the only way of really moving forward from GF-0 is increasing one's skill at introspection. Introspection skill is vital to preventing yourself from getting one, too.

A man does not have to show himself to others, but many take this as an excuse to not know themself. Know yourself, but keep your cards close.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it is true for me. Took me a long time to get back into the saddle after my GF0. SBM always has very insightful posts. Wisdom is Misery is my favourite

[deannarose]

I think women tend to be emotionally stronger when it comes to relationships in general. I agree with this article. I've noticed a trend with my friend's relationships: Whenever their boyfriend does them wrong and they have a nasty break up, they find a new and better boyfriend relatively soon and fall head over heels in love with him, even more than the first. When it comes to men, the opposite happens, they will never (in general) fall in love as hard as they did with their first girlfriend (Or Girlfriend Zero.)

[MILWJ]

Very thoughtful post, I definitely agree with the points that were brought up. I've seen this happen to several guy friends. They gave their hearts to girls who somehow broke them and these guys became very bitter and pessimistic about relationships, unable to connect with women the same way they did with Girlfriend Zero from that point on. It's rather sad but life goes on.

[Tarvold]

I love the term GF0!

Good insightful read.